Ceremony questions and advice

Normally a Registrar wedding contains no religious content, this is, I believe, a legal requirement, so I can understand the registrar's response. The meeting beforehand is normally held just before the official wedding ceremony. I've been married before and if I recall correctly, it is to confirm the details from your Notice of Marriage and to check there is no coercion on either side (it is over 20 years since I was married the first time though, so it may have changed!).

I am a little curious, if you are having a religious ceremony, why would you have a registrar wedding on the same day? As far as I am aware, religious ceremonies are fully legal and binding and don't need to have a registrar to confirm it I think. I do not say this to offence at all, as I said, I am simply curious.

Some people do have more than one ceremony, but it is usually on different days I would think which would probably be easier to organise.

Good luck!

I once attended a Jewish wedding (my partner is Jewish I am not) and I may be wrong but I'm sure he told me that Jewish weddings are not recognised and a registrar has to be present. I think the legal bit happened in a seperate room before the wedding we saw. Another alternative is for the wedding couple and two witnesses to go the day before and then you won't have seen each other in your finery before the service.

I'm pretty sure you won't be able to do it this way round. Civil ceremonies don't allow any religious content so you would have to do your personalised part after the legalities. However, you could consider having a legal civil ceremony at a registry office the day before and then you can have a celebrant on the main day conduct a ceremony entirely personal to you.

I'm sure I read a thread somewhere (might not have been on this site) where the civil ceremony was held in adjacent room before a second ceremony - might this be an option? Whatever you do once the registrars have gone is surely up to you? I am pretty sure the meeting of the bridegroom and bride is a legal requirement to be done immediately before the ceremony.

Nono I am not having a religious ceremony. I come from a Christian background and my fiancee comes from a muslim one. We felt that it would be inappropriate to favour one religion over the other and we didn't want anyone from either faith to feel unwelcome. Because of this I've asked for a moment of silence during the ceremony to give people the opportunity for a prayer or to wish us well if they want to. I've also asked a leader at my father's Christian church to conduct the first part of the ceremony as this is something that I know both my parents and grandparents will appreciate. He knows though that it is a non religious ceremony and will be talking more generally about love and commitment. Is that a bit clearer?

I'd have the registrar do his legal bit first and leave, and then immediately have your own ceremony. The legal bit only has to be very short, you'd only have to say basically that you are free to marry and sign the register, and you can keep your vows, rings and whatever else for the ceremony afterwards. I really don't think it will feel like an anticlimax if it's all in one session, and the only difference is that you happen to sign the register before instead of after you say your vows!

That's great. So does that mean we don't have to have the vows then?

I think if you sort of rehearse what you want yourselves and get a good idea of time frame you would be able to do it how you want. If your ceremony takes say 30 minutes then book the registrar for 30 minutes after your ceremony starts.

Yes you would have to disappear for five or ten minutes for the registrars questions but that can be surely done either in a nearby room or behind a screen. In most church weddings for instance the bride and groom would disappear for a few minutes to sign the register. No different. Just have someone sing something, play music etc so your guests aren't sat with no you two and silence.

its all in the timing tho. You could have your readings, songs at the end of your ceremony but before the registrar therefore allowing you to either fill a bit of time if you would have finished early or cut one out and add it back in at the end of the registrar bit if you're running late.

i think you could make it work fine.