Changing name

I'm undecided at the moment, I'm not sure what I think about it, he doesn't seem to mind but he doesn't want to double barrel, I'm still thinking.

The closer the wedding gets, when I think about changing my name, the bigger a deal it seems. The wedding planning has been easy and I'm so excited for it, but the more I think about this, the more I don't like the idea.

I've only realised what a traditionalist I am since getting engaged and realising that a lot of my views may be outdated these days. Before I got engaged, I honestly wouldn't have even given a second thought to changing my name - in my mind that's what you do when you get married. It's the way it's always been done and brings you together as a family unit, especially when you have children.

BUT, having said that...just because this is my opinion it doesn't mean it's right for everyone, and since getting engaged I've noticed it becoming more of a hot topic. I know lots of people these days who don't change their name. Maybe when you have children you can double barrel their name, but you keep your own? That way you still have half the same surname as your children. I even know a super modern couple who have BOTH double-barrelled their names (so her maiden name with his surname; they now both have this double barrelled name).

It sounds like you're really not wanting to change your name, so if your husband doesn't mind either way then I would say have a serious think about keeping your maiden name. You don't want to go into the marriage already resenting the fact that you've had to sacrifice your maiden name! If you feel this strongly about it then it's worth a serious discussion with your H2B about it.

We don't have to sacrifice our name if we don't want to.

Changing your name, while traditional, is optional. There are other options.

• He could change his name to match yours
• You could both change you name and go double barrel together
• You could both change you name to a mashup of both surnames to create a new name for your family
• Keep your own names and have the children double barrel

I actually want to change my name, I know it will be a hassle, because I only just got my first passport before he proposed (thanks sweetheart). But I'm excited to take his name.

Haha I was similar to you HappyBrownConfetti849 - I just renewed my passport 2 weeks before he proposed!!! But I am also excited to take his name, I love the idea of being Mrs Hawkes! But again...I'm just very traditional, and same as you I think everyone should do what feels right for them.

My current thoughts are making my surname a middle name or having both as a surname but with no hyfin in between. making my surname as a middle name is probably the best idea, but then you hardly use middle names, so what would be the point.. and having two surnames just seems like it could be messy.. the simplest way is just to conform to tradition and change it..

My friend is American, from the South, and it's a huge tradition where she's from for the woman to drop her middle name when she gets married, and her maiden name becomes her middle name, and she takes her husband's name as the surname. I originally thought it was odd but it's actually quite sweet on reflection. It's not a double barrelled surname, it is literally that her maiden name is now her middle name. All of her sisters-in-law and MIL all did the same. So it's a cool option to have and something different as I've not seen many people in the UK do it!

As others have said, you don't need to sacrifice your name, but it's still really not considered the norm! I have always wanted to keep my name, and was vocal and insistent that I'd keep my name, even after getting engaged. However, my OH did seem to think I'd change my mind. It wasn't until I asked if he would change his name to mine, and he complained how it might hurt him careerwise, and he's have to change all his documents and it'd be really difficult... then suddenly the penny dropped that women are expected to do all the hassle because 'it's tradition'. So he dropped the topic. (I didn't want it double barreled as I'd be going from a short 1 syllable name to a 5 syllable hard to spell name).

However... I had people asking me bout what my new name would be, and they all seemed confused when I said I wasn't changing it. Some people made rude comments, but I'd usually shut it down quickly.

Although we decided about a month before the wedding that we will combine our names, first half of mine and second half of his. I like it as it is a surname others have, but it's an unusual one, but it's easy to spell. He only told his parents the week after the wedding though, and I gather they didn't take it well (he's an only son they want him 'to carry on the name'). They haven't said anything to me, but if they d I may lose my rag and yell about all the women in history whose family name has been snuffed out, if their daughter keeps her name then she'd carry the name on.

Bleh. This whole thing makes me so angry!!

That's a lovely idea, a whole new name for you and your family. I agree, it is still rather expected that women will change their name. I know quite a few people who only changed it when they had their first child. I am quite traditional in that I want to be married first before having children, so I guess the traditional side of me and my inner feminist are currently having a battle! the vast majority of people I know have just changed their name, even the high flying career women!

I'm not changing mine, I don't want to leave the girl Ive been for 38 years behind, plus I've built a good career and reputation with my name nobody would know me if I changed it lol

What kind of reaction do you get when you tell people your not changing it?

Just throwing this out there for the "career girls"

I've known some women change their name legally, but still go by their maiden name at work? Like two of our teachers at school were married, but she stayed "Miss ..." With the students and other teachers -though I suppose the "Miss" would have had to change to "Ms" on any documents.

Just figured that'd be an option for anyone who thinks it would affect their career.

They don't seem surprised really, my OH really isn't bothered :-)

I was so unsure - but I have. And actually, I've not even said this to my husband (eek), I am so glad I have! I love being Mrs Nightingale, I get excited to receive mail and phone calls. I do feel a little sad I'm not a Coggin anymore, but this is a new stage of my life and I'm now a Nightingale. And I absolutely love being referred to as The Nightingales or Mr and Mrs Nightingale

I'm a bit rambly but basically, I'm glad I did it.

Hi, I am getting married in October and have no intention of changing my name, we already have children and they have both names. I didn't want my daughter growing up thinking her name was any less important than any man's name. All of my friends changed their names and gave the children their father's name! I guess I'm the odd one out - but that's fine with me! And my partners doesn't care either way - its the commitment that means everything to him, not my name. x

Hi! I can't wait change my name - don't get me wrong it will be strange not have the surname I've had for 26 years, but it's part of becoming a family.

You could double barrel and both change your names?

Depends on whether you're a traditionalist or not. I think it's hard for a bloke to take because they've also been brought up being told their future wife will take their surname. I mean obviously they don't have to, but they probably feel bothered by it because what they've been told all their life turns out to be wrong.

Honestly depends on what works best for the two of you. If you've got two names that work together, double-barrel the hell out of it!

Hi there,

I'll be changing my name when I get married but probably won't change it at work. This isn't because I'm some high flying career woman or anything, it's because it sounds a massive pain in the backside to get it changed with our HR department. I'm looking forward to a new name and quite frankly, you can call yourself what you like whenever you want! We had a fantastic holiday earlier this year when everyone presumed we were on honeymoon and called me Mrs / referenced 'your husband' etc. and it was fine/funny. i quite like the idea of doing a mash up of your surnames, that sounds great. I don't think I'd make my current surname my middle or double barrel though but that's just my opinion. Perhaps your legal docs like passport for example can be in your married name but you remain as is/with your current surname on everything else? it's whatever works for you both - forget what everyone else says (not that you don't already know that I'm sure ?)

I've been so excited to change my name but recently starting feeling bad about leaving behind my maiden name, my mum never married so it's also her surname still and I'm the last of this generation with it so it feels a bit sad. I thought about adding it as a middle name but the process of changing your name then becomes more complicated as you have to do it by deed poll. I never use my actual middle name so it's probably not much point anyway!

I think it helps that my future surname is really lovely and current name is pretty average ha! I want to have the same name as my husband and I did suggest mashing our names together (makes Wilson - so not unusual) but H2B loves his name and that's fair enough!

I know of a man who took his wife's surname! Not sure of all the reasons behind it but I know he was brought up in an orphanage and didn't have a great start in life. Think the family name was associated with bad news and he wanted to be rid of it.

I have changed my name - for various reasons really, but I don't regret it & feel like my husband & I are our own little team now.

We couldn't have double-barrelled as it would have been ridiculously long, & there's no worries about carrying on the family name as we're unlikely to have children anyway. As a family we're not particularly close so I had no massive emotional attachment to my maiden name.