Changing surname

Would you really have to explain why you have different surnames that often? Nowadays plenty of people have stepchildren or second marriages or children before marriage. I've seen families where every single person has a different surname. I don't plan on changing mine but if people want to call me Mrs. HubandsName that's fine with me. (If I used the shortened version of my first name that I go by along with fiance's last name I'd sound like a soccer mom. It would be the equivalent of something like Pam Smith.) I think you need to remember that it is 2016, your family is equally as important as your husband's, and if you don't want to give up your identity you don't have to.

If I do change it later on it will be Mrs. Name1 Name2 (no hyphen). To keep our names similar we have agreed to give our children a regular middle name, followed by my maiden name as their second middle name, and have them use my fiance's surname. I think you would change it in the same way that you would change it normally. You're just changing your middle name in addition to your surname.

I think to add a middle name you would need a deed poll. Your marriage cert just allows you to change your surname to your husband's.

Lexi

I had a bit of a freak out about changing my name, so I compromised and I am Mrs W for most things but I have continued as Miss A professionally.

We've only been married 8'weeks but so far the only people who have called me Mrs W are the guy who took our boarding passes when we flew home from LA, the guy who phoned to arrange the delivery of our new sideboard and a lady who phoned from the bank, it's really not as scary as I thought.

As the poster above says, if you want to use your maiden name as a surname, you'll need to do a Deed Poll.

I'm sad to be losing my surname, but excited about the chapter of my life my new name will be bringing.

I'm just annoyed about having to change my email address and completely unimpressed about the amount of calling around I'll have to do to change my name on all forms/banks/utilities, etc.

I feel the same so I am taking OH's name but I am adding my surname as an extra middle name by deed poll. It is really easy - you just apply for the forms and send them off after your wedding

If your OH would be upset at you keeping your own name, I'd be worried about that. Names are a very personal thing and tied up with your entire identity. It's understandable for him to want you to change it, but he should be fully aware that it's a big thing and not to be lightly undertaken. Any understanding partner should be sympathetic and willing to weigh up the pros and cons and help you make a decision about your names together, I think.

No he absolutely would likely never voice an opinion about it, he's very supportive but I'm sure deep down he's thinking I'll be changing my name and as I love him I don't want to do something that might be a bit disappointing to him.

Its good to hear plenty others feel like me too! If it sounds like it's quite easy to do the deed poll route I think I will do that as it would be perfect to keep my maiden name as a middle name thanks for all of your suggestions

Personally, I agree that changing surnames is odd, antiquated and somewhat sexist.

I lived in Spain for almost six years and that shifted my perspective; everyone keeps their names their for life, married or not. People have two surnames - the first surname from their father, and the first surname from their mother.

I have a few UK friends that have kept their surname but have added their husband's surname after it. (e.g. Miss Mackenzie marrying Mr Grant, she's now Mrs Mackenzie Grant, he's still just Mr Grant).

As for using your maiden name as a new middle name, I think you would just change your name as usual for a new married name - I don't think (my opinion) there should be any different.

Of course, be open with your OH with your feelings on the matter; unless he's quite traditional he may either be happy straight off or come around to you keeping your name.

I think I'm in the minority here, but I'm looking forward to being Mrs *unpronounceable* rather than Miss *easy to spell and say*

I think it's nice to have the same surname. I've joked about him taking mine, but I wouldn't like that. However not looking forward to all the company's and doctors and dentists etc changing my surname, but am looking forward to changing the cats surname at the vets. Very sad but fun.

That's exactly why I want to keep mine! It's really good for screening out telemarketers as well. My Dad always told me "If they can't pronounce it they obviously don't know us so just hang up" haha

My husband has Facebook profiles for our dogs (yep, really) and I was more excited about changing their names that mine. Previously they had a hybrid of our surnames, but now they're legit so they get husband's surname.

I get that, but no one knows our landline apart from our mums so not completely the same but any mail that comes addressed to my maiden name will just automatically go through the shredder.

Do glad I'm not alone in finding "legitimating our pet" is somehow more important than me changing my name. Well happy with that ?

I'm really struggling with this one. But I feel really bad because it's not rally an identity thing - it's the fact that my name with his surname sounds really naff. I'm a Rebecca who goes by Becky. Rebecca sounds fine with his surname but I'm not a Rebecca. I don't really want to be Becky Bavill, and he'd say he understood, but I think he'd be a bit hurt. Awkward!

I kept my surname. I was Ms Ash before and Ms Ash after, and nobody has mentioned anything.

Mr Ash's cousin's wife kept her surname. Their boy child has his surname whilst the girl child has the wife's surname.

My mom also had a double barreled name, and we all had my dad's surname.

No right or wrong.

I'm actually really looking forward to changing mine - my surname is really common whereas his is quite unusual & 'pretty', if a name can be that!

I'm not looking forward to changing my name at all. My maiden surname is Irish and unusual and goes really well with my first name. I have one sister so there is no one to pass it down to. As my username suggests, I will be Mrs Smith. Smith sounds *gasp* common with my first name. But, at least I won't have to spell it out to everybody and correct their pronunciation. No more getting weird looks in hospital or doctors waiting rooms when the nurse says it completely wrong!

OH will not entertain a double-barrelled name for any children that we may have. He also thinks it "will look bad" to people if I don't take his name.

We have therefore decided that I will have his name for legal purposes and I will be keeping my maiden surname for work. That's where I spend most of my time and where I say and write my name about 20 times a day so I think I will actually use it more than my married name.

I will be in no rush to change my passport though. We met with a virgin rep today to discuss our honeymoon and she asked if I will be travelling in my married name or maiden name as I can "change it three months before the wedding!" I said my maiden name as my passport is only 3 years old!

I was wondering about email addresses actually. I've decided not to change mine as that is just such a palava! I wouldn't even know where to begin at notifying people! X

Haha I feel the same! Looking forward to taking my OHs name, it's more interesting than mine! And I'll be proud to have his surname, I cant wait to be called Mrs. ******! Your thing about the vet made me laugh, because I hadn't even thought about that but now you mention it I'm looking forward to changing our cats names too ?

Surnames sure is an interesting debate!! I'm going to be changing mine however it does make me a little bit sad/nervous that I won't have the same name as my parents & brother anymore.

I guess the traditional part of me has always known that I'll end up changing my surname, but I'm not 100% comfortable doing so yet. One of my sisters got married a few years ago and kept her surname, and is due to have her first child in a month, which will also have our surname, so I'm really feeling like I'll be the odd one out! I know I'll get used to it, and 6 months after my wedding, another of my sisters getting married and taking her H2B's surname too, so I won't be the only outsider for long!

I did suggest that me and my OH could merge our surnames - it just happens that the two of them together, with no hyphens and no spaces, form a perfectly acceptable new surname, unique within both families to the two of us and the family we will grow into, while still retaining links to who we've always been. He wasn't so keen on the idea, and when I suggested it round a table with both sets of parents... well, half of the table loved the idea and the other half certainly did not!

My OH suggested to me that we could use my surname as a middle name for our child when we have one (my dad's parents did this with him), but that doesn't replace the loss of my surname for me.

I'm getting more used to it though as the big day approaches, and I've come to think of my reluctance as a sign that I've had a happy life so far - the fact that I'm disappointed to lose my surname means that I've got strong ties to my family. But also, in giving that surname up I feel that I'm really embracing married life. So much doesn't change in people's lives when you get married now, and I've grown to like the idea that this at least is a major change that will be a constant reminder of the start of a new phase in my life.

Having said that, if my fiance said to me that he's decided he wants to take my name instead, I'd be thrilled!

(This is my first post here - hi everyone!!)

Ahh the surnames debate! There's no right or wrong, just what feels right for you. I would say that if you feel strongly about keeping yours, don't just 'give in' so as not to upset your OH. You are equals in marriage and your feelings and opinions matter just as much as your partner's.

I kept mine. It was an identity thing, a feminist thing, and a personal taste thing - my surname is much more unique than my husband's! That said, 5 years later I still receive letters at christmas addressed to 'Mr and Mrs his first initial, his last name'. I don't fight those battles or get upset, I just accept it - certain family members will never accept modern ways.

In parting, lots of married women keep their 'maiden' names. For professional reasons, because they have children from earlier relationships and want to have the same name as them, because they have strong feminist beliefs, or simply because they prefer the sound of their original name.

Do what feels right for you, and if you want to fall down a rabbit hole then do a google search on marriage and name changes - there are a lot of very heated debates that are quite interesting to read!

Im double barrelling but so is my H2b. My dad means a lot to both of us where as he wouldn't know his dad if he passed him on the street so I made the suggestion of us both taking both names and he loved that it honoured my family and also his mum as although she divorced my H2b's dad and went back to her maiden name, just before she passed away last May, she changed her surname back to the same as H2b and his siblings so they all had the same name. So it just made sense for us to do that! Xx

With both of us being male, we had an even more interesting discussion about changing names and what to do.

I said I wasnt changing my name under any circumstance as I have a very unique name whilst his is the equivelent of Smith (not his name but just as common). I said he could keep his, double barrel it with mine or change it completely. He is changing to mine as he doesnt see any significance in his name and its so common.

My current surname belongs to my ex Husband and I will certainly not be keeping it HAHA. Although he did text me not long after we split asking for his name back! I mean, wtf?!?

My maiden name was commonly mis-spelled and I held no emotional attachment to it so was happy to lose that.

I suppose it depends on the history of why you broke up but I can see why he might find it odd that you would want to keep his family name when you're no longer part of their family.

It'sa new chapter in your life and it should be it's own name)) So, It's very nice to change your surname and yor husband will be happy, I think. But...It's not a neccessary option, I suppose!)