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Beginner July 2020 Devon

Children at brothers wedding

Clare, 8 of November of 2023 at 09:45 Posted on Planning 0 2

So I’ve been asked to be bridesmaid at my brothers wedding in March 2025 and my husband is being asked to be a groomsman. Obviously my parents will be mother/father of the groom.
We have two children who will be 3years and 15 months by the time the wedding comes round. The eldest is a wild child currently coming up to 2 years in January - I don’t expect his character to change! And my youngest is currently only 4 months so I can’t tell her temperament!
My SIL to be has given me an open invite to decide if I want to bring the children or not. Originally I said I would as it was a family wedding and it’s their aunt and uncle getting married. Which I knew my husband would be in charge of them. However now he’s also in the wedding party, I’m really not sure what to do. My children aren’t being included into the wedding party (there’s nieces and nephews both sides so there’d be too many of them so not an issue) but I’ve tried to discuss with my mother and she keeps telling me to “chill out” and “it’ll be fine”. But I can’t help but be worried that it’ll all end up being a bit stressful and I won’t enjoy myself.
My thoughts are-
I know my brother (groom) isn’t getting ready at the same place as the bride. Therefore my husband won’t be around to help get the children ready. I haven’t been a bridesmaid since having children however when I’ve done it previously you spend all morning with the bride, however now I’m worried I’ll end up trying to get ready and stressing about the kids. I think my parent are staying at the hotel the night before and my mum will be having her make up done that morning with us. But I’m not sure being in “the brides getting ready area” is the appropriate place for my kids.
My parents will be heavily involved in the wedding - talking to people, having photos, sitting on top table. So I have my questions over how much help they’ll be on the day - although my mum tells me we’ll just manage them between all of us.
Our wedding was cancelled during covid so I have no experience of what worked, but our family’s children were coming but we’d extended invited to their in-laws to provide childcare on the day, which I’m not expecting my brother to do as I don’t want to impose on them. And bridal party who had kids were all leaving children at home with parents.
My gut feeling is to as my in laws (who live near us, the wedding is 2.5 hours away from our home) to have the children for the weekend - as I’m not sure what a 3 year old and a 15 month old will get out of sitting through the ceremony, sitting through the meal etc etc. but I know that’s going to upset my mother.
Any advice or thoughts?Thanks!

2 replies

Latest activity by SL WaltonJones, 9 of November of 2023 at 10:56
  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Little ones can be cute at a wedding and no one is going to expect perfect behaviour from such tinies, so I don't think you need to worry about it from that point of view. But I agree that weddings are very boring events for kids that age, so they will probably be far happier not attending.

    If you are happy leaving them with their other grandparents, then this might be the ideal solution. If the wedding were nearer your home, I would have suggested getting the in-laws or a good friend to look after the kids for most of the day and just bring them for the ceremony and/or photos, but it doesn't seem reasonable to expect people to drive 2.5 hours to look after your kids and then take them home again!

    I would explain to your mother that you feel the whole day would be too tiring for them. There will be lots of other opportunities for them to spend time with the wider family when they are older, and in more of a position to appreciate it.

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  • S
    Savvy July 2024 West Midlands
    SL WaltonJones ·
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    Do you need to decide now? The wedding is in March 2025 which is 14 months away. Usually catering needs to be finalised 2 to 6 weeks beforehand so you've got time to confirm. At this stage I would just ask the other grandparents (or whoever is babysitting) to save the date just in case you need them. I agree with the previous post that weddings are boring for children, especially at that age, so no harm in leaving them at home 😊. Or have them there for ceremony and pics then they can get leave.
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