children at wedding reception

Oooh controversial post alert

Some people feel weddings are 'family occasions' and children should be involved, others feel it's a time for adults to enjoy themselves and keep it child free. I suppose a big factor in it is are you having any children involved in the ceremony and thus may have to explain why some children are there and some aren't.

We did have children but not that many, and thankfully it all went ok ... and of course to some parents there's nothing cuter than their little darling gurgling and crying throughout the entire ceremony - and to others it's like dragging your fingernails down a blackboard.

You have to be strict that "no children = no children" and not pick and choose, say, closest family members children only but then your best friend from school too etc. Many make exceptions for breastfeeding children but again it has to be your call.

Be prepared for some people to decline because they can't bring their children - but that's their choice, not yours, as given sufficient notice (ie normal notice) there aren't many people that couldn't arrange childcare (again, some would choose not to but that's their choice, not yours). and some blackmail ("we'll keep them quiet, honest).

If you have genuine reasons, such as venue capacity or budget, stick to your guns, it's your day. If you 'just hate kids' then that's possibly a bit more difficult to arrange.

Whatever you say regarding 'no children' you are absolutely guaranteed to upset or offend someone. But that is their problem, not yours. Nobody, not even closest family, has an automatic right to attend a wedding, and it's a privilege to be asked to share the day with you... so there's no reason you automatically have to invite children either.

A few ideas for wording (you may need to tweak these if you havng family children there) ...

‘Parents please note: It is our wish to have an adult-only celebration. We hope that this advance notice means that you are still able to share our big day.’

‘We hope you understand that we have chosen to make our special day adults only.’

‘To allow all guests to relax and enjoy themselves, we have chosen for our wedding day to be adults only.’

‘We want to make you aware as early as possible that due to numbers and maximum capacity of the venue, we will not be able to invite children to the wedding or reception. We thank you for your understanding on this matter.’

‘We hope no offence is taken but due to budget restrictions, we are unable to invite your children.’

We decided to have no children purely due to our budget, but after working out how much we would save it wasn't worth offending people and risking people not attending because of this. Our total saving would only have been around £100! OH has 5 nieces and nephews and not inviting them was not an option, so we ran the risk of people thinking it was one rule for one and all that and came to the decision to just invite all children in the end. Some of our friends have already said that they won't be bringing their children anyway as they would prefer to relax and enjoy the day. Two of my good friends did not invite children to their wedding and it caused big family fall-outs that lasted for years. Just be very aware that this decision could prove very unpopular!

Children represent a sincere and pure love! Told that we should cherish this good marriage!

I just told the parents that im having a kids free wedding- except for 1x nephew, 1 x pageboy and 1 x flowegirl apart from that it's completly kids free wedding- i work with kids mon- fri and last thing i want on my day is to feel like im back in work with kids running all over the place.. they were all fine with that because it's nice for them to have 'adults time'

I made it quite clear on the invitation - it was addressed to Mr A and Mrs A, the RSVP had 2 lines for menu choice. I also put it on my wedding website as a FAQ: Can I bring my kids? A: No, the venue isn't really child friendly. We've only had one couple say they can't come because they can't get a babysitter, but we theink that was just an excuse.

But then everyone knows I don't particularly like children - especially not small ones! There will be 4 kids - my son (13), my niece (13) & nephew (11) and my cousin's daughter (11) so all old enough to behave themselves.

We just put " due to the nature and size of our venue we will be unable to extend this invite to children, we hope this does not cause you too much inconvenience. Please find enclosed details of two local childcare agencies who provide babysitting services"

What about something along the lines of "Unfortunately we are unable to accommodate children at our wedding due to limited space [and/or] the nature of our venue]."* Or something similar.

*I seem to remember that Cricks said something like this.

We worked out that if we invited all children of family and friends, they would make up 25% of the guests at what is intended as a late evening / nighttime celebration. We are saying "please be aware that only the godchildren of the bride and groom are invited to the reception". OK so it means my best mate's twins can't come, and my H2b's nephew isn't invited, but it's the fairest way we can do it - neither of us are fussed about family kids, but we can't imagine our godchildren not being there.

The only children in our families are cousins children, few friends have children but we have already told them that we are having no children. Everyone has been fine with it appart from a friend who seemed shocked. But its our day at the end of it, and we dont want any children tearing the place up! I think there are already enough knee sliders coming

We wrote on the invitation:

We felt able to take a strong line (and not offer any softeners or excuses) because we had no exceptions. We have none of our own who had to attend and we even excluded children of the bridal party (my chief BM's son and our best man/BM's daughter, who is also our guide daughter). The wording was ambiguous - nobody really knew if it was us or the venue making the rules (in truth, a bit of both, we didn't want children there and hence were able to pick a remarkably unchild-friendly venue). In the end, a couple brought their six month old (who was very quiet and perfectly behaved) but they left before dinner. We had two couples (cousins) refuse, using the "no child" rule as an excuse - one couple live in Australia so it was a bit of a joke on the RSVP, one couple who had a host of reasons for not coming, of which childcare was one.

You wouldn't be able to use such wording if there ARE exceptions e.g. family children. Then I think a "softener" is needed.

Is it just me that would presume if my partner and I are addressed on an invite that it means my partner and I, if you are having no children why do you need to inform people. I dont think you need to give any explanation. But if it makes you feel better than like the others have said a simple note included somewhere on your invite would suffice.

I sent out our save the dates, in the formal way addressed to only those who are invited (e.g Mr Joe Bloggs and Mrs Jackie Bloggs), and i've still had several people ask if their children are invited.

We are also having a 'no children' wedding! We decided to tackle the issue head on and arranged for a get together with everyone that would be affected and announced it to them at the very beginning of our planning, i.e. 18months ago (we are getting married in 5 weeks!) so no-one had any excuses in terms of 'I cant find a babysitter' etc.

However, although we tackled the questions and concerns of one particular parent it continues to be an issue. It has caused us headaches, upset, sleepless nights and fall outs and family rifts (at one point H2B's mum said she wasn't coming cos it wasn't fair that we weren't having kids!). We were very clear that the venue only accommodates 40 guests and we are having 39 adults, so to add an extra 11 children is impossible! This, for one particular guest, is not a good enough reason and she has even offered to pay for her 4 children to go......(where are they going to sit?)! We have repeated ourselves so much over the last 18months it has been unreal but so far it has been the only issue throughout our planning that we have had to endure. The most bizarre suggestion she came up with was 'they can sit in the hotel bedroom on their own then' Er, no....your kids ages range from 1-12...who will be looking after them?!

My advice is stick to your guns....it is your wedding, not theirs and the day is about you and your H2B, but expect a little bit of flack.

Good luck x

We both work with children so didn't want them at our wedding, we needed a child free day! We told everyone way in advance and no-one had a problem. To be honest if anyone does, well then that's their issue, it's your wedding.

We just put in our invites that due to numbers we were unable to have children at the wedding. In the end we had one friend bring her 6 week old baby because she was breastfeeding, and we would rather have had her there than not at all.

I did not make any mention of children. The invitations were made out to..will and Caz or whoever. I only had seven under 12 ,all close family and no one turned up with there little ones or asked if they could bring them.

I'd just address it to the couple and maybe somewhere in the additional info you send, state that as much as you would dearly like to invite children of all your guests, due to restrictions on numbers at your chosen venue, you are unable to do so...

TBH I wouldn't take E to a wedding even if she is invited. It's always nice to have the option but H and I would prefer to celebrate with the couple and not worry about what she is doing. I had children of all our day guests at our wedding but we are very close to them (mostly family) and I hired 3 nannies who looked after them all day and night so parents could enjoy the day with us. E is going to a wedding with us in Thailand next year and I am already dreading it but we can't leave her here as we don't have people to look after her and we are going for a week!

I don't think people will be offended and those who you really want there and that really want to be there will make the effort.

I'm just making my invites out to the adults with a few exceptions 5 babies and our godson and two children from the wedding party are invited because we have known the youngest his entire life and it's the bestman and my bridesmaids son so there would be no-one to look after him but he's 6 and his brother is 16 so i know they will behave themselves. We have said we are not inviting children other than them. We have told my MIL and she agreed with us- particularly since we went to a cousins wedidng and there was a no children policy so our nephew couldn't go and we got there and there were loads of children running around. My excuse is that our venue has a lake in the grounds and it's a golf club so could be quite dangerous!!!!!

I disagree - you don't have to be strict. If you want your nieces and nephews but not other children, or even just some childrena and not others, then in my opnion that is absolutley fine. It is your day and you shouldn't have to explain who you are or not inviting to anyone!

We are having a child free wedding, however my brother is 11 and he will be attending and I certainly will not be explaining to anyone why he is allowed and Aunt Bessie's grand-duaghter is not! I think it is a personal choice and but I would not want a small child running around/making a mess/noise on a day that I have out a lot of planning and effort into.

What a nightmare this is !

We've decided to have familiy children only, but that is because some are travelling from far away, so there would be no one to look after the kids if the parents came !

With all our friends, 90% that have asked are pleased, as it means they get a day and possibly a over night stay on their own which for most it will be a welcome break for them !

You misunderstood me - what I meant was that it's ok to have close family but no others - but then you can't invite Bob and Mary's children and not Steve and Jane's children, etc.

I wasn't keen on children but on the day they were well behaved and looked after, and we didn't really notice them there. I think the problem is a lot of people think they can stop being parents at the time and enjoy the food and booze - and don't keep their little darlings under control as they should do, for exactly the reasons you mention.

We actually went to the pound shop and bought some colouring books and cheap pencils for the half a dozen smallish children that we had coming, and that seemed to keep them occupied.