Church wedding?

I really do think it's up to the vicar, so while some may allow marriages based on only the most tedious connections, others will insist on your personal attendance for X number of times. When you meet with her, why don't you just explain why you really want to get married there (including listing out all your family connection, perhaps writing it down beforehand to hand to her). Tell her you're committed to attending, including sending your son to Sunday School there, and then ask if you can schedule the date?

I don't see why she can't hold the date for you if you start attending regularly. And if she asked you to think of anyone who has a connection then you should definitely mention yours because it sounds like that would be enough for her. Don't stress about it, i'm sure she will be kind and sort something out for you, it's still over a year away. I'm really sorry to read about your dad and your baby son, heartbreaking ☹️

Thank you very much. I know I'll feel better once we've booked! We knew the last vicar really well, and I know he'd have agreed in a heartbeat. Thanks for the reassurance, I'm on pins until next Thursday! I'll try visiting my aunt, the one who lives in the parish, and have a chat with her.

Is it a Church of England church or Catholic? If its CofE Im pretty sure their official rules say anyone who has connections that you have - used to live in the parish for one - can marry in the church. As far as Im aware the vicar doesnt have discretion but can stipulate how long you must attend church before the wedding. Have a look on CofE website. If you start going to church now I dont see why she cant hold the date for you.

Hi Sabriel, yes my understanding is that there are quite different rules for CofE and Catholic churches. If it's CofE, take a look at this website:

http://www.yourchurchwedding.org/youre-welcome/more-churches-to-choose-from.aspx

This is what it says:

"You can marry in a CofE church if you can show:-

That one of you:

• has at any time lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or
• was baptised in the parish concerned or
• was prepared for confirmation in the parish or
• has at any time regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or

That one of your parents, at any time after you were born:

• has lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or
• has regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or

That one of your parents or grandparents:

• was married in the parish

And did you know that if you move house, you’re immediately connected to the church there? That means you can marry in the church of your new parish.

In all cases involving church services - i.e. going to normal church services, baptism, confirmation or marriage - this applies only to Church of England services. Even if you cannot demonstrate any of the above connections, we want to help you explore whether it may still be possible for you to marry in your special church.

Talk to the Vicar there well in advance to discuss the options open to you."

I found this useful as it explains the various reasons that show a connection with the church you want to get married in. But it does seem to suggest that the vicar also has some discretion. Hope it works out for you!

I thought you could get married in a church if you were born in that parish? I'd definitely check this website out though. It's quite handy

https://www.yourchurchwedding.org/youre-welcome/more-churches-to-choose-from.aspx

If its a C of E parish, I don't really see why the vicar won't allow you to marry there. If you lived in the parish for 15 years you should be able to get married there, whether you live there now or not. I lived in the parish i'm getting married in for 18 years, moved away 5 years ago and am getting married in the old church.

Also with your father and son buried there, that proves a connection to the church. I would perhaps discuss with her again, pointing out the various connections and also the rules for marrying in a C of E parish.

I must admit, I would think it would be extremely unfair if you weren't given permission to marry in that church.

Yes, I agree. As you lived there from birth to 15, and your mother lived there, you definitely seem to 'qualify' under these two points at least:

"You can marry in a CofE church if you can show:-

That one of you:

• has at any time lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or...

That one of your parents, at any time after you were born:

• has lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months"

I'm not very familiar with CofE, but I understand these new (more relaxed) rules were only brought in relatively recently, in the last couple of years? But I would have thought the vicar would be familiar with it. Might be worth taking a print out of the relevant CofE page (link on earlier post) with you when you see her?

When we've spoken to our vicar, the C of E are really keen to encourage people to be marrying in church. We're getting married in a church which isn't in the parish where either of us live or have ever lived, but my grandma was a very active member of the church and my parents got married there, but I would say our connections to the church are far less strong than yours! Hope you get the answer you're after next week!

x

I am getting married in a different parish to the one that I currently live in, but I do have several qualifying criteria (baptised in the church we're getting married in, both OH and I lived in that parish for over 18 years, my parents were married in the parish, albeit not in that church).

I think you can still get special dispensation to marry in other places too but not 100% how you'd do that. FAiling that, can't you regularly attend the church that you want to get married in? I know that can be a qualifying connection too.

I too am getting married in the Parish that I grew up in. I haven't lived there for over 7 years and when I spoke to the Vicar he said as long as i'd lived there for 6 months or more (he did say he wouldn't be too fussy if it was slightly short of that) then you are entitled to be married there. Or if your parents or grandparents lived in that parish.

I have a friend that is having real problems with her Vicar though. He won't allow modern music for the ceremony and is being quite pushy with trying to force his ideas for the ceremony on her. I think it really does depend on the Vicar but, at the end of the day the Church have become less strict on their marriage rules to encourage more church weddings so I would have thought they would have been more helpful. I do know that if you cannot find any connections at all to that Parish then you can apply for a special licence which has to be approved. There's loads of info online if you google it.

I hope you get it sorted, I can't imagine e stress it must be causing. I can't imagine not being married in a church.

Thanks for all your replies! I've been on the CofE site, which is why I was so confused at her reaction. But just in case I'll print it out and write down all my reasons so I don't forget anything this time.

Thank you all for your help and good wishes. Xx

You do have to attend for 6 months to get on the electoral roll of the church. Our church agreed to the date, and we've been attending since. So, we started attending at start of Feb, set our date for 15th September and paid the deposit. By our wedding day we will have been attending 7 1/2 months. We've just applied to be on the electoral roll (a little early) as its the last meeting before September soon.