Church weddings - what's your connection to your chuch? And how far's your reception venue from your church?

Not sure if i can answer but will keep an eye on this thread as I imagine having a similar issue.

There's a church I can get married in as I used to live in the parish and my parents married there, but the problem is there aren't many nice venues in the surrounding area.

What venue is it you like?

Where we are getting married has a church in the grounds, we are getting married in the church and it has no connection to us at all, I felt the same as your OH but could find no reception venues around us we liked so ended up going an hour an half away! Our punishment for doing this is that we have to attend church 6 times ,so have the hour n half drive everytime but saying that evereytime we go there we realise it is totally worth the effort as it has everything we want. I would say go with what feels right for you, if you want a connection to your church then go for one near you, most people have to travel in some way for a wedding so just suggest that they get a hotel near your reception and then maybe they can do some car sharing? Hope I have helped x

Both H2B and I knew that we would have a church wedding - I'm CofE whilst is his Catholic (not practicing) however we have chosen to get married about an hour away from home - an area that is special to us. The church is ideal and is about 1.5 miles from our chosen reception venue. We didn't have any links with the church but we have been able to build a connection through worship and for the past year have been attending the church twice a month - which means getting up at 7:30 on a Sunday to get there for a 9:30 service - we have really enjoyed it though - it is really friendly. We usually follow the service with a nice breakfast in the local tearoom and a walk. I'm sure the church would offer you this option.

If you don't want to go down the going to church route - you could always put on transport from the accommodation to the other churches and to the venue to make the traveling a bit more fun - although I don't think people mind driving but it can become a problem if you have a few non drivers.

I didn't have any connection with the church we are marrying in, apart from the fact I went to school in the same town but I still never attended this one. I think I was lucky that I found a very laid back priest, also being Catholic I think they are sometimes less strict on attendance whereas I have heard a few times that the C of E likes you to attend regularly. Butif you do get married in a catholic church that you have no connection to you will have to lie when you give notice and say that it is where you regularly worship!

C of E often strictly follow the rules to do with eligibility to get married there.

The church we're getting married in, I lived in the parish for 18 years, attended the primary school associated with it, attended the girl guiding units associated with it, and worshipped there at least twice a year for 18 years.

Also its only ten minutes from our reception venue, but that has no bearing on either of them. I wanted to get married in the church I attended as a child. In fact it stopped us having our wedding at chester zoo. I would rather get married somewhere that means something to me, than spend the day at the zoo (and if you knew me you would know what a big deal that is. I LOVE the zoo!)

This lists the requirements for a church wedding, although what constitutes as 'regularly attending church services for six months' varies and is down to the vicar's discretion (i.e. every week, once a month etc).

https://www.yourchurchwedding.org/youre-welcome/more-churches-to-choose-from.aspx

How far is your house, or either of your parents house from the venue?

I am of the opinion that if you are going to use a church for your marriage, you should make an effort to become part of that church community.

Have you spoken to your receptio venue? They should definitely be able to advise you on a local church. All my local CofE church requires is one of us or a parent to have lived in the parish for 6 months.

The venue we chose is 30 mins from church. I figured we have people on 24 hour flights to come to our wedding so those travelling an hour or so on the day should be fine!

The venue advised us of a church local to the venue who allow people from outside the parish to be married there so long as they attend a few more times than the usual 3 required for the reading of the banns.

So in short, it is different from church to church and the decision lies with the Vicar. I am having our Vicar over for afternoon tea this week to discuss things further!!

For us, we both definitely wanted to get married in a church. We had no connection to our church apart from having attended the Midnight Mass service the previous year. Although we don't live in the parish, it is only 10 mins walk from our flat. We were told we would have to attend regularly to get on the Electoral Roll in order to be able to marry there. So we've been going at least twice a month since last July. We also got confirmed there in February so now feel a real connection to the church. We've also enjoyed getting to know the people there and it'll be lovely to see some of them at the ceremony.

We weren't explicitly told what "attend regularly" meant but we wanted to feel part of the church when we get married there. I didn't like the thought of just turning up to hear our banns and then on the day. I kind of think that if you're really keen to get married in a church you should make the effort to be part of it. But that's just my opinion.

My H2B is Greek Orthodox, and up until about 5 months ago (wedding 23rd June) we were marrying in a Greek Church. For reasons, I will not go into now - we decided the best comprimise which made us both happy (after a lot of stress) to go CofE.

After looking around, we eventually decided to get married in the beautiful Church my parents got married in (1975). The Church have been nothing but supportive of us since we starting coming to Sunday service. We developed a wonderful connection to the people and the place and really feel part of the family.

I was baptised and confirmed at St Paul's Catherdral last month

It just finally felt right for the both of us. Unforunately, the venue was booked based on the first Church which was just a 30 minute drive. New Church has an hour journey to our venue - at first we were worried but quite frankly, our loved ones know the journey we've been on and don't mind going the distance.

Also, we're putting on a coach from the church to the venue which is carrying almost half our guests. This might be an option for you fi you are worried about distance.

Good luck

I think I was lucky that I found a very laid back priest, also being Catholic I think they are sometimes less strict on attendance whereas I have heard a few times that the C of E likes you to attend regularly.

I had lived in the parish of the church I got married in. It helped that I was confirmed there, used to go to church there, went to sunday school, youth fellowship and that both the vicars have known my family for years.

My personal opinion is that if you wish to get marreid in a church, you need to attend services regulary (not just before the wedding) and make an effort to become a part of the church community. I do feel that you should have a connection with a church before you marry there. Speak to the vicar there and see what they say.

I feel that there is something extra special about a church wedding, not offence to anyone who had a civil service, it's just that I've been to a few civil ceremonies and a few church weddings and I prefer the church weddings. That's just my personal opinion.

Good luck

Good luck

We got married in a church which was quite out of the way for guests, its neither of our parish churches but has strong family connections as the priest is our cousin! We married there and then the reception venue in town was a 20/25 min drive away. Nobody minded a bit!

ETA: Ours was a catholic service and we have been living together for 5 years before marriage, as are most couple before they marry. The Catholic church is alot more relaxed these days.

To get married in a church of england church you have to either have a connection, live in the parish or be on the church electoral role. To get on the electoral role you have to attend regularly (so most weeks) for six months. We are doing this as we usually go to a church that is held in a school so not licensed for marriages and dont want a civil ceremony as we are Christians.

This

We were going to marry in a church not in our Parish and would have had to attend for 6 months to get on the electoral role. We decided instead that our local church would mean more to us, so we went to speak to them and they said we could get married there automatically as we lived in the parish.

We now attend services at the church (CofE) because I thought it was wrong just to get married there and not attend, but the lady we spoke to told us some couples from the parish married there after never having been there before (she had to show them round!) and then in the time before booking and marrying, never went to a service.

In short if you can find what parish you are in - use www.achurchnearyou.com to find out - then you should be able to marry in your local parish church with little other connection.

OH lived in the Parish we are marrying in up until we moved in together, his parents still live in the parish and it's the parish next to us, we are literally on the edge of the parish boarder, so thats our connection.

We have a strong connection to our church. It's where me and OH were both baptised as adults and our son too. We take mass there most weeks and have a good relationship with our priest.

I do know that our local CofE churches can be 'bought' for a price to near on anyone. We're attending a couple this year where the couples are outside of the parishes and non church goers or non practicing Catholics, and there hasn't been a problem. Not sure if this is usual practice though, or whether they're just real lax!?

Our church/venue/house all sit in a triangle, roughly half a mile from each other.

I hit 6/7 connections for the church we are getting married in. At first I wrote it off as impractical to ask guests to travel 30 mins between venues, but as soon as my dad expressed a preference, it became much more important to have it at that church and overcome the logistical problems. OH is catholic, and so we've hopefully got a catholic priest coming along too, so hopefully have covered all bases!

Hiya

I didn't originally have any connections (not official anyway) to the church we're marrying in. H2B isn't remotely religious but I am but the unofficial connections were that I've been going on holiday and more or less attending church every time we were down there that the vicar said we could get married there.

I had to get onto the electoral roll and by doing this I had to attend church at least once a month for a minimum of six months. Is there no way in which you could do this? I don't think it means you couldn't do it because he didn't mention it - maybe he just forgot.

I don't think it is too far to travel, people have come to see you get married. I too am blessed to have my family and friends travelling as far as Cornwall. H2B's family are coming from outside Liverpool so even further and they don't mind because it's something different.

Hope you get the answers you want.

HTH

Emx

We are gEtting married in a church! Our church is about a 30 minute drive away from our venue! Our church is really sentimental to oh his whole family married there the church it's self is not a nice church at all! It's not what I would have chosen but it meant a lot to OH the church is almost in the city centre so that's why are venue is so far away so we could have some greenery!

Thanks for all the helpful replies, lots to think about. But churches don't seem quite so perplexing after reading about everyone else's experiences

kirstabubble, the venue we really like is Monkey Island Hotel, which is on an island in the Thames, only accessed by a footbridge or boat! I love how unique and pretty it is - on a gorgeous day it'd be out of this world, drinks on the lawns with boats and swans drifting along. And even on a not-so-great day, it still ticks all our boxes. Plus it's close to Windsor, which both H2B and I have fond childhood memories of, and its also just a mile or so away from my old riding school, so it just feels 'right' really

We've checked through all the possible connections to C of E churches - we've lived in a couple of places together since we finished uni but these are both around 40mins away from the venue, which seems a little too far to me, especially when we don't have any family connections with these places and the sole reason we're in these areas is work. I'm starting to think that churches we have family connections with that are around 30mins from the reception venue are worth investigating, but so is the possibility of building a connection with a church near the reception through going to church there.

For those who've done this, how does it work? Do you have to go for 6 months before the vicar will consider you holding your wedding there, or can you provisionally book or hold a wedding date when you start going to the church services, on the proviso that you will regularly attend the church to keep the wedding date? Or does this vary from church to church?

Country Flower, I really like the idea of putting on transport from the reception venue to the church and back again if we do go for a church that's a little way from the venue, thanks for this suggestion Although we'd have to see if the finances could stretch to this! We're lucky in that most people do drive so that's no issue, but I'm just conscious that those doing long journeys the day before and after the wedding might not be best pleased at having to do an hours driving on their day off too!

Thanks for that list kharv - we'd been quizzing our family on it over the weekend (Where were we christened/baptised?, Where were you married? etc) and all the churches we're linked to through family connections are around 30mins from the venue, just in various different directions. As a few have said, I agree that regardless of what our legal connection is to the church, we should attend church as well to get to know the people and the place before we say our vows there. In fact, I think going to services in some of these linked churches would be a really good way to get a feel for the place to help make our decision.

NatalielovesJustin, that's a really good suggestion, thank you very much. I didn't think of asking the venue but it's definitely worth a try, as there's a few churches nearby the venue, so hopefully they'll have an idea about the best bets!

That's very near me. Lovely venue.

We "created" our connection by going most weeks for about 18 months. OH is now on the electoral roll (I can't be - not baptised). Church is 45-55 mins from home, but opposite reception venue. Our vicar (or technically priest in charge) was happy with us coming regularly (Although his definition was officially missing about 3 weeks in the 6 months, which we couldn't do because of OH's work - we got round that by coming pretty well most weeks for over a year before OH went on the roll), and we booked before we'd done this. He's also married people by licence (superintendent registrar's licence I think) where you have to stay in the town for 8 days and then do the declaration thing with the superintendent registrar instead of banns. I guess he's stricter as the church has quite a few services each week (3 most Sundays + some midweek ones).

Do you know anyone who's had there wedding there, Trickers? All the reviews I've seen have been fab, but my only worry is that there's just one wedding coordinator - she seems lovely, but what happens on her days off, or if there was some change in her circumstances? I've had some trouble contacting her already - messages left with others don't seem to get a call back. But *puts optimistic hat on*, perhaps this would change if we booked our wedding there? I have seen recent reviews that couldn't speak more highly of the wedding coordinator to be fair.

We booked ours first and they told us that we needed to go 6 times in total that we can spread out how we like over the year and half that we had till our wedding, everytime we go we need to sign a register to say that we have attended and once we have done that 6 times we will be fine to marry there. x

Kyanya - just another thing to think about, you could maybe have a civil ceremony and then a blessing afterwards? It could all be on the same day if you wanted. That way you might not have to be in a church but you would have the religious element. Some religious leaders will travel to your ceremony/reception venue.

We live in Leeds & We're getting married in a church in Co Durham because its where my Oh's Dad is burried..

My Oh has loads of family connections to the church- his reletives are burried there, married there etc but he only reason why we are actually allowed to get married there is because my Oh's mum lived in the parish for at least 6months (about 50/60years ago!)

Neither of us go to church & Im not even christened.x

I don't know if I can help but here goes.

I got married in a Church. It was the church I used to attend when I lived in Leeds. I was on their electrol roll at the time, however, this wasn't seen necessary in my case. My parents still resided within the parish (mum still does). So technically, I didnt "live" within the parish anymore as I'd moved over 300 miles away. However, because I was technically still on the roll and my parents still lived within the parish I was allowed to get married there with no special licence. Now, onto a friend of ours. Neither of them are religious, neither went regularly to church. Their parents didn't live within the parish they wanted to get married in (they found a lovely church they wanted to use). They themselves didn't attend the church at all in any way. They got hold of a special licence that allowed them to marry there. I THINK this was issued by the Bishop of the area, so that may be an option. If you can email/call/write to the relevant Bishop and ask what the procedure would be, explaining that you would like to marry in such and such a church, as its a lovely building, great atmosphere etc, that it is in the ideal location between the childhood homes of yourself and OH and go from there. They may say no, they may say yes.

I know people who were supposed to have their wedding there, but for other reasons, it didn't happen. There were never any complaints though.

I imagine all the hotels in the area are pretty busy at the moment, with the Olympics coming up - the rowing is in Dorney so they might be a bit stretched because of that.

Whereabouts do you live K?

We are getting married in a church and our wedding is in 6 weeks. We are both religious though and still go to church together. I wouldn't be able to have a civil wedding, as you said yourself about your OH, it just doesnt feel right.The church we are using is the one my parents got married in and I got baptised in. So I have all the connections etc etc. Our reception venue is about 40 mins away from the church though and there is absolutely no issue. We have booked a bus as well to take all guests that dont want to drive from the church to the reception venue after the wedding! Have you thought about this? Also it would be a good idea to call that vicar again and this time actually ask if there is an option of doing it there if you start attending! When is the wedding?

Getting married in our local church was absolutely vital to us. Not sure we would have got married at all if we weren't able to have the church's blessing. OH wqs baptised and confirmed the year before our wedding.

We are both regular churchgoers (weekly) I sing in the choir and the band, we are both on the PCC, we live in the village, we attend a wide range of church occasions (special services, fetes, Lent courses etc) and it is a fundamental part of our lives.

We could have done without the reception, but not he service which was so meaningful to us.

We are C of E BTW.

I'm new so I hope it's okay to jump in and reply. We're getting married in my childhood church. I grew up there and went to the local primary school, etc.

Personally I think it's surely a good thing if people aren't regular churchgoers or "religious" as such but feel a religious wedding has meaning for them, so long as they're not just in it for pretty pictures. I don't think religion has to be all or nothing.

I went to church sometimes with my family as a child, then lost interest in my teens - I was uncomfortable with the idea of being religious, basically. I gradually rediscovered my faith as an adult but didn't really do anything religious. When we got engaged, I hadn't been to church in years except for weddings, funerals etc, but I realised a church wedding really mattered to me.

My OH isn't religious. He would call himself agnostic, and his family are nominally C of E but only go to church on special occasions. But he's happy to have a church wedding because it's important to me and I couldn't get married any other way, and we've been through the ceremony text and figured out how it applies to both of us.

After we started planning our wedding, we started making the effort to go to Sunday services sometimes with my parents. As a result of that, I started thinking a lot more about my own faith, I've started going to our local church fairly regularly and have become much more actively religious. If we'd been told: "No you can't get married in church, you don't go to church regularly so buzz off," that would never have happened.