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Beginner June 2024 Berkshire

Close family weddings

Sam, 1 October, 2023 at 09:08 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 3

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Hi all, weve been together since 2009 and our church wedding was originally booked for 11th July 2020 and was cancelled due to covid, no wedding happened in the church in 2021 and in 2022 thu church floor was lifted for repair, in 2023 they started carrying out weddings with some of the floor repaired and curtains up to hide the rest, our reverend offered us this but we chose to wait, in the mean time my sister got engaged and booked wedding for July 24 (they haven't been together long by this point, under a year) I was slightly annoyed as our wedding has always been planned for July, but I didn't say anything. Now the reverend has contacted ,said floor is done, he cant offer us our July date as he's away but can offer the same weekend (literally say after my sisters) I said that's to close so he's offered 22nd june, so we took it. Now my whole family hates me and are ignoring me!
They knew we were waiting for the floor and knew wedding was originally July, now they are saying they didn't know and I'm a bad person, to top it off my sister has chosen all the colour scheme we had and had already purchased back in 2020, which annoyed me, my mum even told her that was our colour scheme, I just bit my tongue asusual.
My mum said, when I told her the date 'oh I've got a quior concert then, I'm looking forward to it' since then, the sibling what's app group ,I'm pretty sure there was a mocking comment, got deleted before I could read it, but other comments suggest it, I left the group now. And my mum auntie and sister had a conference call in secret. I know it's close ,but also feel like my sister knew 3 years in advance (before she even got with her boyfriend) that we were marrying in July?

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Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 2 October, 2023 at 09:15

Expert November 2022 Lincolnshire
Hayley · 1 October, 2023 at 09:30
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To be fair to your sister, at the point she booked her wedding, you hadn't booked yours. So she is free to choose any date that suits her and her partner. Yes you wanted to get married in the month of July, but you hadn't confirmed which July. You can't shotgun one month out of every year, just in case you want it.

When it comes to the June date you have booked, I think that's perfectly reasonable. Your sister gets 1 day for her wedding and you have considered the time between your dates and moved accordingly. During busy wedding season it's not unusual for people to be going to a different wedding every week so you've tried to create a month gap. This was always going to be a risk for your family when you have 2 sisters engaged at the same time. You are both entitled to have the wedding you want, when you want it.

If your family just have to be guests at your wedding then there is no issue with them being close together. Your sister gets the spotlight on her day and you on yours, so it's not fair for her to be upset that you are getting married close together. I would suggest trying to talk to your sister to see what her concerns are. Also keep her and your family on an information diet so they do not know the details of your wedding (so any copying is accidental). If she has settled on a colour scheme and is aware that's what you chose but doesn't care, then there is nothing to do to change that. You need to decide whether to change your plans or accept they will be the same.
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Beginner June 2024 Berkshire
Sam · 1 October, 2023 at 09:37
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I am completely aware that she can book any date, hence why I didn't say anything when she booked, I was just upset that they all said they didn't know, when it had been a spoken about topic up until a month or so before my sisters announcement.
As for colour scheme , we had already purchased everything anyway, which my sister was aware of, I've told her she can use our stuff.
I'm just upset that my mum feels her quoir is more important, I mean surely she could have kept that comment to her self, then all the secret convos, I'm an anxious person anyway and this is just making it worse knowing people are talking about me rather than to me.My sister hasn't actually said anything other than, we're having the same we can split the costs.When we originally announced our wedding date my mum was all over it, it's been 4 days and she hasn't spoken to me.
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VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 2 October, 2023 at 09:15
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Did you discuss the date with your family before booking it? If your mum has been looking forward to singing in her concert, she might be upset that the two events are clashing, which may explain why she isn't being very enthusiastic.
To be fair, you haven't got married in July 2020, 2021, 2022 or 2023, so I don't think they can be blamed for not realising that you were getting married in July 2024! And how long your sister has been with her partner is irrelevant - different people are ready for marriage at different stages.
It sounds as if there has been a lot of misunderstanding and confusion. Perhaps if you ask your family why they are upset at your choice of wedding date, you might be able to clear things up? A month between the two weddings should be plenty of time, so it's surprising that they are upset by the timing.
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