Compassionate leave and other stuff

Sorry to hear this. The policy does seem unfair, but I suppose it's because one is 'family' and in your situation it doesn't come under that banner even though undoubtedly you were closer to your friend than your colleague was to her great uncle.

Bad timing for the hen do, but what would you friend have said to you about it?

First of all, that is utterly pants of your boss. Yes, there need to be rules but everything should also have a degree of discretion to it.

With regards to your planning meeting and hen do - you know your friend would not have wanted you to enjoy these any less. I know it's so so hard but I would try and have the best time you can in her honour. You know that's what she would have wanted for her wonderful friend.

And have a massive Otter hug xxxxx

Thats really crappy of them, i had to take holiday for my Grandads funeral some employers just arent compassionate. We have an option for unpaid leave is this something you'd be able to do?

So sorry about your friend and the crappy time your having ?, its not a pathetic moan offload any time x

That's crap about them not allowing you time off for the funeral. A good thing about my work is that it states that they understand that people have close poeple who aren't actually relatives.

Please don't feel guilty about the hen do, I'm sure your friend would love you to be having a good time. Going out won't make you forget your friend, raise a glass to her while you're there. In the meantime have a wierd hug!

Unfortunately, I don't think compassionate leave would ever be offered for friends. I'm surprised that, at your workplace, great-uncles are covered. I think we have an "immediate family" policy of grandparents, parents, siblings (although that doesn't apply to people doing my job).

You don't say when the funeral is. Does it clash with the planning meeting?

So this is the main point. Firstly, I don't think it's disrespectful anyway. I can understand how you might feel awkward (not sure if that's the right word) about maybe having a good time, perhaps that others will be judging you harshly?

This girl was your friend, she wanted you to be happy in life and love. There is NO WAY she would have wanted to think you were missing out on wedding stuff because of her. If you genuinely don't feel up to it, fair enough. But you need to cut loose a little and relax - you are not being disrespectful, or selfish, or uncaring by doing so. Have a drink for your friend, then try to have a nice time.

If your company aren't being understanding (twunts) then can you take a day unpaid, would this be an option given the circumstances?

As for your hen I can totally see why you feel the way you do but as the others have said your friend would have wanted you to have the best possible time don't feel guilty just enjoy it as best you can.

Lovely don't be sorry for moaning, that's what we are here for!

That really suchs that your work won't be compassionate - I know there are policies in place but surely sometimes the rules are there to have a common sense judgement taken on them. Someone else mentioned unpaid leave - is that an option?

Also totally agree with footlong, your friend would be mortified to think she had somehow put paid to any of your wedding plans and excitement. Of course it's going to be tough, and I don't think it would be fair for anyone to expect you to do anything you don't feel up to but at the same time maybe the hen this weekend will be a good tonic for you, spend time with your loved ones, toast your friend - have a good cry if you need to and talk about the fun times you all had together. Hen do doesn't need to mean willy straws and sillyness, most importantly it's about spending time together.

With your venue meeting, does it clash with attending the funeral? Have you explained to them why you would like to change? I think as their client they should be prepared to do what is needed to make you feel comfortable and if delaying by a few days is what that means then they should do it.. but if they dig their heels in then just try to make the best of it - do you have everything ready for the meeting, write any questions down as you think of them so you don't necesarily need to be on top form for the meeting so long as functionally it does what it needs to.

xxx

The last place I worked out you could have 5 days for a spouse or child or parent and 2 days for a grandparent. That was it.

Here, I was given 5 days for my grand-daughter although there is no official policy.

I've never known anywhere give Compassionate leave for a friend. I suppose it could be too open to abuse as it is difficult to ascertain level of closeness.

Much of CP is to allow you to make funeral arrangements etc, rather than for the need to grieve.

I'm with AC on this one I'm afraid. Whilst it seems like your boss is being sh1tty, I would like to think that they're just doing what they have to do. I'm sure they sympathise with you regarding the grief etc. but rules are rules and even if you were closer to your friend than your colleague was to her Great Uncle there's nothing physically objective to determine that, IYKWIM.

It does suck though, but I would just be taking the time either unpaid (if allowed) or just cancelling the other holiday you have.

Big otter hugs from me though, because I know how hard things are at the moment.

It does seem very unfair, and I'm sure it's just another thing that you don't need at the moment. I'm not sure whether the company should or shouldn't offer compassionate leave, I can see it from both sides.

As someone else suggested, can you take unpaid leave? If that was an option I know I would take it.

It is bad timing for your hen do, but I'm sure your friend wound want you to try and enjoy yourself. I'm sure you'll be feeling very sad, but try and think about what she'd tell you to do.

Have a massive hug, this must all be incredibly tough.x

I think you're honestly overthinking things FF. You are allowed to be happy and you are more than allowed to be excited about marrying your OH. People aren't going to think that you're being disrespectful - they'll understand.

Also, just because you put on a happy face for those around you, doesn't mean you're not hurting inside. Pictures might show a smile on your face, but they don't show a void in your heart.

That was a bit deep and twee like, but you know what I mean. Ultimately, people are going to understand.

I think thats a lovely idea to speak to him beforehand, chances are he will tell you the same, that L would want you to go ahead with it but at least it will settle your mind that he won't think bad of you x

I think I must be a horrible manager then. I have to say, I would (and have) expect a team member to take annual leave for a friend's funeral.

I went back to work between my father's death and his funeral (200 miles away) and took annual leave between my granddaughter's death and funeral.

Sometimes work commitments just stink - unfortunately, for most places, business needs come first.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the hen do as much as you can at this difficult time.

I think I would take the other option and request that people don't post photos on Facebook. Your hens would surely understand your reasons?

I think this is what I would do too. At least for the time being.

I think for the funeral of a freind, taking annual leave it entirley appropriate. I had to take leave for my grandfather's funeral. It's not a right to have it. And I'm sure we all know people who would take the p*ss and be off every other week because someone's hamster had died or similar.

My work's policy is really strict about compassionate leave, close family only, ie, Mum, Dad, etc . Boyfriend = NO, Husband = Yes. Which is poo IMHO.

Sorry you're going through this FF.

Really sorry you are going through all this FF, it's not pathetic at all and all totally understandable feelings. With your hen this weekend, totally agree with others that it's not disrespectful at all to go ahead and to enjoy your hen and you will know, but I'm sure your friend would hate the thought that you weren't enjoying it because of her.

Footlong's advice about photos is a good one, you could always put some up at a later date. Everyone will understand why you don't want photos up and equally your friend's OH will understand why you have gone ahead too.

Sending you weird internet hugs and I hope you can enjoy your family hen this weekend.

Nothing useful really to add FF, other than I lost my bestest friend in similar circumstances so ? My boss did give me compassionate leave for her funeral. However I got a lot of catty comments from colleagues (that they thought were behind my back) as a result. I wish I had just taken it as holiday tbh. I didn't care about the snide remarks as such, I just felt it was something else I had to deal with on top of everything else. Taking holiday would have avoided this added burden.

Oh and change your FB settings so that you need to approve photos on your wall first. Gives you a chance to screen? I hope you can enjoy, it is what she would have wanted x

So sorry you're going through this and it's a shame your work can't give you the time off, as someone said hopefully you could take a day unpaid if that's an option? Surely boss would understand under the circumstances and not object to this?

Agree with everyone else that your friend would have wanted you to go out and enjoy yourself, understand why you feel a bit awkward or maybe not in the mood but she'd have wanted you to have fun i'm sure, and like others have said maybe don't have pics on fb just yet, i'm sure anyone you'd ask would completely understand this.

Thinking of you & sending big hugs x