Controversial Topic.....Children at Weddings!

I have a child, and will still be trying to restrict the amount of children there, again- seating capacity related.

There will be no children allowed to the evening reception, but day guests who have no other option but to bring their children can. I am urging people to find a sitter though!

The only "under 16" we have is OH cousin who will be 13, apart from that all are above 18.

I would ask the venue if the limit of 80 is including adults, or would they be ok if you had 80 adults and say 5 children.

Personally in my own opinion I think its quite rude when invites actually specifically state NO CHILDREN. My sister had a wedding invite last year which said in bold "CHILDREN NOT WELCOME", which did upset her because as a family, that includes her two children, she really wanted to go to the wedding but couldnt find child care so didnt go.

If you would prefer not to have children there then I would just address the invites to the couple and then if they ask about the children, decide then... IYSWIM

xx

I dont have children and Im having a child free day and night!

Personally I dont think this is mean as I dont want the noise of child interrupting my wedding, as I have seen it happen to so many other weddings I have been to.

I think the important thing if you are going to be child free is to let people know in advance, I have rung and told friends and my mum has told family members and I think if you are going to put people in the situation that they need to find a sitter they will appreciate your honesty. I have also inc a little note in the invitations just to be double- sure.

I'm not a fan of children at a wedding, unless it's geared up to make it a fun time for them. I've only been to one wedding like this. The others I've been to with kids there have caused frustration to some of the adult guests (crying during the ceremony, grabbing handfuls of food from tables, buffets; crawling under tables whilst you're having dinner, laying on the dance floor etc). Rather than get into the debate as to whether it's the parents or the children at fault, let's just say those experiences haven't been great!

As for our own wedding, two of our very closest friends have children and asked us early on if they could leave them with family so they could have a proper adult day out. There are another couple of families who have children and having their kids there isn't high on our list of priorities - we don't know their children well and would rather have our own guests there.

We're intending a paragraph like:

Due to limited space and the nature of our venue we are unable to accommodate children at our wedding. We hope this doesn’t cause you inconvenience and that you will still be able to attend and share our wedding day with us.

We appreciate that this means some people might not be able to attend but that's a risk we're willing to take.

I have absolutely no problem with children at weddings, but so many of our friends and family are already married with children and it's just not possible to accommodate them all. So we're going down the route of inviting just family children only (babes in arms excepted), as family will mostly have to travel whereas our friends are local, so they are more likely to have babysitters around.

Also, as much as I'd like to simply put the adult names on the invitations, I saw a conversation on a non-wedding related forum recently where people were saying that the adults were invited but surely it meant the whole family and they were all going to turn up!

I really don't want to have to deal with that situation on the day!

I appreciate what you say but the children that would be included on the invites would count as adults as they are over ten and therefore don't need a highchair.

The venue is limited to 80 capacity - ten tables of eight - so any children taking up seats means that an adult friend or family member can't be there!

I guess when I thought before that I would never not invite children to my wedding I never fully appreciated all the intracacies of table planning!

Regarding the invitations, I would never be so blunt as to put in capital letters NO CHILDREN....but am working on a way of wording it so it is sensitive but clear that unfortunately due to the venue capacity we just cannot accommodate children! I do feel that it is important to say it at the invitation stage though as I don't want people to assume children are invited then find out at the last minute and struggle to sort out childcare.

All of my friends with children already know that we are not having children at our wedding (most have been quite pleased about this!), so we will not need to mention anything about it in our invitations. It also means that people have plenty of time to make child care arrangements.

I don't think there is anything wrong with not inviting people's children if you would prefer not to. We both love children, and will have our own at some point, but we want an adult day. Plus, so many of our friends have children that it would increase numbers significantly!

Wow.

CHILDREN NOT WELCOME is kind of rude!

You could word it nicer than that!!

Im having children at my wedding because im having my newphew and nieces and I personally think its wrong to say no children but then have my family there, its either none or all! I would be a bit peeved if i was told my child wasnt invited but got there and there was a child there! To me children are part of my friends and families lives so i wouldnt exclude them from a big occasion to me!

I think a lot of it depends on the style of your day. Some wedding arrangements are more child-friendly than others. Nothing annoys me more though than kids running round, getting in the way and making noise at inappropriate moments like during the service or a sit-down wedding breakfast. I'm sure it's the cutest thing in the world to the parents but as far as I'm concerned if they can't sit quietly for half an hour then either take them outside at the first sign of problems, or don't bring them in the first place. I know it's not popular but that's the way I am, I strongly believe that children need to be taught from an early age how to behave in public and many parents simply can't be bothered these days - I've even seen people on the bus yelling at their screaming baby because they can't hear the mobile phone conversation they're having... um, why not deal with the baby and say you'll call the person back later as invariably it's not an important or urgent conversation.

We've - so far - got 11 under 18's confirmed as coming, mostly closest family and friends though, and two of those are in the bridal party anyway.

We're looking at about 120 in a venue that caters for up to 250 (although it'd be a bit cosy) so capacity isn't an issue but I can see how it would be for many people using smaller venues.

We are having our 3 neices and 1 nephew who are all on the bridal party and my son but that is the only children invited to ours! we just couldnt warrant the expense of children as we already have 98 adults ( my family is huge)

Cricketbride I am totally with you and I am also totally going to plagarise that paragraph from you!

Just to add, we are having a informal day anyway: the church and village hall are a 3 min walk apart, we're having a BBQ followed by cake and ice cream, will do goody bags for the children, plus there will be garden games and even a little playground next to the hall for them to let off steam. If we were having a formal sit down meal in a stately home type affair, I would probably think twice about inviting children.

No problem! I'm not entirely convinced by my last line, it needs some tweaking.

Our venue is an old barn with uneven flagstone flooring and an open pond. It might be suitable for children who will be watched like a hawk but not for kids who want to run off and explore on their own.

No, not yet. By choice.

AJ:

RE: If they can't sit quietly for half an hour....etc etc bla bla

It's not that simple with toddlers I'm afraid. I am bringing my 2 year old up just fine thank you, but you'll find that bright, inquisitive toddlers just don't have the attention span to do such a thing.

I'm sure you'll find this out for yourself when you have children of your own.

Hate to break it to you AJ, but even the most well brought up children misbehave from time to time, regardless of whether that is in public!

The only children at our wedding will be our cousins, and ours are all old enough to behave and not get bored. (Think they are all over 8, but the youngest ones are H2B's not mine, so I can't remember!) The cousins will all sit together and not with their parents. I know they'll look out for each other.

But for the same reasons as Cricketbride, I didn't really want children at my wedding. We'd have been in a pickle if any of our cousins were younger than that. But if it was friends' children, or if our cousins had babies, we'd have been quite happy saying no. I personally (and I accept others see it differently) see weddings as grown-up affairs not "family" (i.e. little children) events. The ceremony itself is a solemn occasion and I don't want to be able to hear small children (or indeed anyone!) whispering or generally making noise throughout the most important words I will ever say. The reception is a BORING place for children (unless very well provided for). They need to sit still through speeches and eat food they're probably not interested in. Then in the evening... well as a child I always hated loud discos and children can't drink etc etc!

Anyway, I would never say "children not welcome", like Belinda I think that's a pretty rude way of saying it! Perhaps try "adults-only ceremony and reception", because I think it sounds nicer to say who IS included rather than specify who ISN'T, iyswim? Hopefully from that and from the names on the invitations, people can work out what's going on and who it is you'd like to be there. If they still get offended... well then they're being a bit oversensitive IMO!

That's fine, but surely it's common courtesy to everyone else to take them outside if they are making a noise at inappropriate times?

I love kids, but don't want them at our wedding. We went to a wedding before Xmas and there was one child all day and he was vile, throwing snowballs down women's dresses, biting strangers and so on. His parents did nothing and I was appalled, should that have been my child I would have been apologising profusely to people. And a few kids turned up in the evening and they were running aboutnd hiding behind chairs etc, everyone on our tabe felt very uncomfortable and penned in by children and it just cemented in my mind that we don't want kids there. We understand that this might make people not want to come, but the princess in me says that we are paying a lot for this wedding, I don't want other people's badly behaved children ruining our special day. Also I am not paying half the price of an adult ot feed the children. It's too much money.

Maybe I don't have a clue, that's fine, I'm willing to accept that it's not easy to fully understand something you haven't experienced.

I guess that, for me, if it was a choice between going to someone's wedding with my children in tow, then I'd probably look into childcare for the day, or have to decline the invitation. If you're at a wedding, surely you ought to be enjoying the day and the happiness of the new bride and groom, not on a knife-edge all day worrying about your child making a noise/running off/throwing up and disrupting the day?

We’re having 6 kids to the day.

4 are OH’s cousins kids who are 12, 10 and 2 of them will be 8.

The two BM's children (one who will be 2 and 4 months and he is a pageboy, the other being 11months old but she will be picked up by BM's mum before evening reception) Although these two will be in highchairs they have to take a "seated"space.

Then my only cousin on my Mum’s side who will 16 so i don't really class him as a child.

evening guests will not be allowed to bring children......mainly due to the 5 immeditae cousins on my Dad's side having in total having about 9 kids all under the age of 7 and they're pretty unruly! If I was having a summer wedding and there were grounds for the kids to play in then I would let as many as possible come but it's an October wedding at a golf club with limited access to the grounds as its the greens and the manor house which will house the wedding is not child friendly. Personally the children will be bored!

I would have tanned his backside, as my parents would have done had I behaved in such a manner as a child!

I would have tanned his backside, as my parents would have done had I behaved in such a manner as a child!

And on that point I agree with you AJ. I'm going to a few weddings this year some Children invited, some not. I am finding Childcare for all of them as ?I know he will get bored and want to run around at inappropriate moments, so I would have to take him outside. (As I had to at a Christening last weekend) and I want to SEE the wedding thank you very much!

Lord- Please let him be old enough to sit and be quiet by my Wedding!!!!!

Wow never intended this to go off on a parenting behavioural tangent!

Back on track peeps!

I am actually quite sad in some ways that we have had to opt for no children, as I love the idea of big family weddings (and was also really looking forward to creating the activity packs for them!) but I must admit, being able to dance freely on the dancefloor without children divebombing us will be a blessing!

I guess the decision is slightly easier as the children in question all belong to friends who we don’t see much…if they were relatives it may be a bit trickier!

Sory, I sort of agree with everyone here. AJ is right, you should always take your child outside if they are getting agitated during the ceremony. I think that really spoils it when there is a squawking child. But I also understand that children can't always be quiet. But that doesn't mean that you should just sit there when your child is squealing, purely on principle. That is extremely unfair on the bride and groom and other people who want to hear what's going on. I don't have children yet, but will once we are married and have our house and I am fully aware of how difficult it can be. But as I say, I would be mortified if my child was causing trouble.

I know from when my brother was invited to a wedding of one of our cousins and his children werent included it upset his wife because her children are part of her family and not just a disposable object that they can get rid of when they want to. Im sure most of the people saying surely the parents will want a day without there children havent got children themselves. Its the same as a wedding of a friend i was invited to that said no partners, why would i want to go to a wedding without my partner so i didnt go.

As for not having children crying during your ceremony because its all about you, like Trickers said im sure you wont hear anything other than what your other half and the vicar/registrar is saying to you!

I would have done! But smacking the bum of a child you've never met before is probably frowned upon!

I am having limited children,my two daughters are teenagers as is one of the nieces so i don't think they really count as children but apart from that i will have my three year old son,my OH's two nieces who are three and five and my sisters three kids who are eight ,nine and ten.

I am not going to bother saying anything on the invite,i will just address the invite to the adult and anyway for during the day i can only really think of two couples who have little kids and i imagine they will want a break.

It is both a financial and noise issue,i want my nieces and nephews to share the day but not really anyone else's kids TBH. Especially when having them there means i can't invite adults that i would like to attend.