Cost of hen do

But this goes back to the individual, if its an usher/bridesmaid/best man etc your obvioulsy close enough to know if they can afford such a thing and surely you would determine a budget to suit, then provide as much notice as you possibly can so its not a burden, you cant just suddenly spring on a hen/stag weekend and say its going to cost x amount and we are going in a month, prepare to be going by yourself - but there are ways around attending a hen/stag weekend that doesnt leave you skint.

I have only asked my closest friends so far and they have all said they are ok with the cost. The type of relationship that I have with them is very honest. If they couldnt afford it or wasnt interested then they would have told me. I know this from experience of when we have wanted to go places and people say I haven't got the money.

They are all happy with the cost and activities, also as I have given them ample notice it means they are aware of the cost upfront.

I did say that if people couldnt afford it then we could find an alternative but they are all happy so will go with it. As I said above we are all brutally honest with each other so think if they thought it was too much they would say. Also as I said it means they dont need to fork out for whatever I would have planned for my birthday as well

Why would they know?

WSS.

I don't know my Bridesmaid's finances and as her husband is one of our ushers, how would I know if they could afford both?

I had to turn down a hen weekend last year due to funds and had no problem telling the organiser, and she was completely fine with it. And she's not coming to mine due to a bubba. It's all about individuals and what they want to spend their money on x

I know all of the girls I invited personal circumstances, and I had a little facebook email to all the girls before I arrange anything, asking what they would be able to do time wise etc, not asking DIRECTLY about money, but giving them a chance to opt out of bits and pieces.

4 girls said they wanted to do a big weekend and would put the money aside, 8 girls said they couldn't afford a night away but would put the money away for a spa day and night out with dinner and then go home as we all live close, then the rest said they wanted to be a part of the night but would only be able to do the evening, so I sent them all invites to whichever part was right for them.

4 people got a full weekend written invite

8 people got a spa day and evening written invite

9 people got an evening at a bar/club only written invite

I'm also providing goodie bags/party bags and fun stuff and am paying MYSELF for food platters and a booth asd a thank you for the girls coming and making an effort to celebrate with me.

Not everyone forces people into obligation. I made sure mine all had choices and never forced anyone into anything. I have been "forced" into enough hen nights myself to know how it feels!

Anyway, my main point is, that no-one knows or has any business in knowing how much everyone else earns to be able to afford these things, but you can get an idea from asking what people want to do, without being nosy about peoples money situations!

Exactly, well said. I have to add that I'm having a very cheap night for everyone who can't make Manchester, starting at my house for cocktails and then walking up to the local club for a bit of a dance! Which I'm more looking forward to since I've been told today I'm on crutches for 6 weeks, and my hen weekend is in 3 ☹️ x

Ahhh I feel for you big time! I'm having surgery on Thursday on my back (herniated disc) and have to have 6 weeks off work then 6 weeks "light" duties at work. then finally, I'll be ok! So JUST in time (hopefully) for the hen weekend. But I had to change my plans of an abroad or theme park thing cos of the op!!

Good luck with the crutches, hope you feel better soon! ?

Oh God, I feel for you more! Bad backs are worse then poppy knees I would say. Hope you recover quickly and get looked after by your OH xx

I'm not going to rant on about my feelings about weekend hend do's - I will bore / upset people. All I will say is have you thought about the people that might not be able to come, and if they will feel left out just because they are lacking in the pennies department? I had this problem - a friend of mine is having her hen do in Birmingham, a good 2 hour drive, its over 2 days so its a one night stay in a hotel, all in all coming to about £100.00. I can't afford it as I also getting married, and another friend is thinking she may have to pull out - we're both very good friends of the bride to be and agonised over this decision, and now we feel like we're letting her down.

Also, for those that say they can afford, can they really, or are they just saying yes and then scrabbling for money? I'm not casting aspersions as I don't know the OP or their friends, you might all be millionaires for all I know!!

I've gone for local dinner and dancing as not only do I not want my hens to all shell out silly money they can ill afford, but I don't want them having to pay for me either / pay for myself!!

x

Ah now yes, this I do agree with!

This may be bad to do, and I would never tell them, but I actually didn't tell the girls I knew would not be able to afford it, or would pressure themselves to save, about the expensive parts, and I just sent them an evening invite to the club and bar. That way, it's a maximum of £50 even with a few drinks.

I didn't want certain people to feel pressured, or obliged.

The thing with alot of my friends is that the background we all came from means I do know a fair bit about their lives and I know some people would be able to come. But that's me, some people might not know this and why should they, so yes I agree it's not fair to pressure people, especially if you don't know their situation.

I hope they don't find out about the other activities - they won't know why you didn't invite them!

They would understand, they are the ones who said to me they probably wouldn't be able to make the spa day when I initially sent messages out asking what people wanted to do.

You're damned if you do and damed if you don't! Either you are pressurising people to comke by merely inviting them or you hide it and then run the risk of people being offended.

Anyway, I know my friends so I know it will be ok

Well as I don't know your friends and you hadn't mentioned the bit about the spa day I thought I'd ask...

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I have a very open friendship with my girls and they are not the types to say they can afford something if they cant. They were aware that we would probably be going away for a weekender/ week away for my 30th birthday since last year. The only difference is this is also now for my hen do.

I plan to pay for myself and wouldnt expect them to pay for me.

They aren't millionaires but as I am giving them 8 months notice they are happy with this. It would probably be another matter if in January I said "right we are going away in March and its gonna cost £150"

Yes I agree, you have put what I meant in a far better way LOL!

None of my friends would ever pretend to be able to afford something they can't. I've known them all since I was either 0 or 3 years old!

And the new friends such as work friends etc, are only coming to the evening part