Hi! My partner and I are planning our guest list. We chatted about it on a train journey back from visiting his family, in which we had the benefit of asking while we were visiting - 'Which extended family would really appreciate an invite?' - their answer was one auntie, one uncle and their partners on his mum's side, but none on his dad's side and no cousins on either side. In my family, I need to invite all aunties and uncles on both sides as been told would cause offence if picking and choosing (either invite them all or invite none).
However, regarding cousins on my side ... I have a bit of a dilemma. My partner and I had been invited to my cousin's wedding which we attended a few years ago. We feel that anyone who invited us to their wedding, we should invite them back (plus they sent us an engagement card). However, I then feel like I should have that particular cousin's brother too as would be awkward to only invite one of them. Then it just snowballs as I've been told people would be offended if I only invited 2 cousins and not the rest. Again I've been advised that 'all or none' is the best approach ... but it feels strange inviting cousins that I've spent no time with growing up or had much to do with, especially as our guest list is small. If some of my cousins had weddings and I wasn't asked, I wouldn't be offended as I'd think, 'Fair play' because they don't know me well so it's understandable. Plus I have another cousin that I did spend time with in summer holidays as kids (and still see a few times a year) and it feels sad not to have him there. In terms of the other cousins, we just didn't socialise growing up, we still don't socialise now (or they're still kids/teenagers) and I haven't seen some of them in many years. My parents have said that one uncle in particular will be offended if I invite the cousin that I grew up with and see several times a year and not their son, even though I haven't seen his son in 10 years and before that event, in 16 years. I'm caught between feeling guilty and trying to do what feels right. What would you recommend?