Covid 19 - Wedding planning and stress!

Hi Anita,

Congrats on your upcoming wedding. I'm supposed to be getting married in 2 months and still don't know how it is going to pan out. I have most of my suppliers with deposit unfortunately but they all have been very nice regarding the situation. Of course I'm not getting my money back but all of them said they would re-schedule in case of covid cancelation. I also have family and friends coming from abroad and that includes my dad. Unfortunately should the wedding go according to plan they won't be able to make it.

I finally understood after months of going mental about it that I was going through the different stages of grief regarding my wedding:

Denial - I've spent many hours dreaming and organising this, this is not happening. it'll be alright

Anger - this is so f***ng unfair! useless government not doing things on time etc,etc

Bargaining - Ok, I can reduce my guests list to 20 and I'm cool if I can't have a disco. Guess family coming from abroad will also miss it as long as I can get married

Depression - That's it, I just can't do this anymore (sob,sob,sob) nothing is going to be as I dreamt it would be, covid is taking away my wedding. I just don't want it like this. I want my first dance and my lovely dress... I just want to curl up and cry with multiple chocolate bars (not advisable but at that point everything was lost)

and finally

Acceptance - (this is where I'm standing now) It is what it is. I just have to do the best I can with the cards I've been dealt with (some days is easier than others)

I understood I just want to get married to the wonderful man I was so very lucky to find (and keep) There's no way I'm gonna lose the money I've already paid so what we're thinking is, if we can go ahead with it as planned, then so be it. It'll be a hassle as I still have things to organised and I'll have to run around like a headless chicken as I was going to do that on January. If I can't go ahead as planned then we'll just get married at the registrar (because I already know I can) and then leave the party and the rest for whenever we can re-schedule. I know it doesn't particularly help you with your current situation and I am sorry you're not being supported by your venue people. I know you want to share this moment with friends and family but is ultimately about you 2. Whatever you decide, put all your heart in it. We are allowed just us and our witnesses at the registrar's office and if it comes to that, then that will have to do until we can celebrate it properly.

Hope this helps, but if it doesn't then I wish it gives you a little bit of hope. It'll be alright. thing's will fall into place. you'll see

D.

View quoted message Couldn’t have said it better myself. I too have gone through all the stages then just when I needed it close family members and friends said as much as they want to celebrate with us they don’t want us putting our lives on hold for a party.


So with that we’ve agreed to wait until 22nd Feb and Boris announcement. Provided he gives a roadmap that says weddings can take place on our date we will get legally married. If we can have 15 and a reception (the minimum my venue allows- we pay per head) we will have our full day and use the savings towards our family home.
My MOH and BMs have told me that if restrictions don’t allow my hen they’ll throw it after our wedding. We’ve all got to push forward as if the news is anything to go by there won’t be ? return to no lockdowns and restrictions for a while to come. Good luck all x

View quoted message

Thanks so much for your response, Daniela. Very kind of you. You're absolutely right about the different stages of grief - that makes so much sense. I think I'm currently at the "Depression" part, because there's so many unanswered questions and "what if's" right now. I suffer from anxiety at the best of times, but the last year has been pretty much hell in that regard, because of Covid and being furloughed off and on for the past year.

At the moment, I guess I don't really know what to think, wedding wise, since there's so much uncertainty. My fiance and I have said that if we weren't going to lose any money, we'd just wait and go get married in Santorini - just the two of us! But his parents would never forgive us if we did that - he's an only child, so this is their chance to see their only son get married.

Fingers crossed the government issues some advice soon - even if they said 15 or 30 people would be allowed at weddings, we'd probably do it in September, as planned, since we don't want the headache of having to postpone again. I also just want to be married at this point... sigh! Good luck with your wedding in March, lovely! I'll be keeping my fingers (and toes!) crossed for you! XX

View quoted message

Congrats and best of luck with your wedding! I hope that we'll have some clarity on weddings in Feb, but I have a gut feeling it'll be at least March before we hear anything. The new variant is so contagious and spreads much easier.. it's just so hard to know what the advice will be, since it's been constantly changing since last March!

Great idea putting the savings toward your family home - buying a house is difficult enough (my fiance and I are currently in the process - we've actually just exchanged yesterday! Woo!).

Good luck with your planning again xx

View quoted message Really great way of setting out the various stages. Totally agree!!

All the classic stages of grief I guess, and in a bizarre way I feel fortunate that having only got engaged at Christmas so unable to plan anything at all yet, that my expectation levels are pretty low! That’s not to say I haven’t dreamed of this and planned for years in my head, but I never thought it would happen for me so it was all dreamland stuff.

I now just want to be married. I know it will be small and low key, and I’ve surprised myself in being ok with that. We will follow up with a party later on and as far as I’m concerned I will be wearing my (albeit probably very low key) wedding dress for that as well so it just feels like a very drawn out wedding celebration.

I really feel for everyone that had bigger celebrations to look forward to and now having to decide whether to totally change how they tie the knot, or having to defer again and again.

I am completely with you all. Trying to plan anything at the moment feels impossible. Read out the stages of grief to other half and had to try not to cry! It is just an awful situation for us all to be in. I am supposed to be having the church wedding in June, been fortunate that my local church is also keeping the date free so if my chosen church (partners family church) won't/can't marry us then we still have options. I really don't want to postpone but everything is already getting booked up for next year. No one knows what to do, or suggest or anything. I think this lockdown has gotten to everyone, and everywhere is so full of negativity for the future fingers crossed for everyone's' weddings, for both those involved and the suppliers - who I am sure want us all to get married just as much as we do!

Hey Anita,

I feel you!

Our main wedding was for October 2021 in Tenerife but we cancelled this one, as we have 60% traveling from different countries like Hong Kong, UK, USA, South Korea, Israel and from Spain... so we only focusing in our civil registration in the UK for now.

Later on if we can do a wedding will do one day, but the "party" we might do something small within UK people only. My family wants to visit for the registration ceremony but doubt how will be the restrictions.

Doing everything last minute. Instead we are looking forward to take a good honeymoon

Cheer up x

View quoted message

Hi Daniela,

You have just explained exactly what I have been going through and not realising... grief of the wedding. I am currently between the bargaining and depression stage. I have been finding myself flying off the rails over things that wouldn't normally bother me.

I am meant to be getting married in Greece, 1st June 2021, so flying in May. We too have decided to have a registrar ceremony before we fly so whether it goes ahead or not we will be getting married either way and will have a celebration party/holiday whenever that gets to happen.

I wish you all the best with your plans and sending all the brides on this thread a big hug as i know how hard it is. x

View quoted message

Hi Jennifer, Omg I totally know what you mean about little things getting to you - I'm the same at the moment and I feel so bad because lately I've been snapping so easily... very frustrating and hard to explain to the OH.. He's pretty easy going and I'm the passionate, need-to-know what's going on type, so it's difficult for him to understand how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it.

Best of luck with your Greece wedding - we had originally dreamed of getting married in Greece, too, but thought the logistics of it would be a nightmare to plan (getting family and friends there, etc). Fingers crossed that the Government announcement toward the end of Feb sets out some clear guidelines for the wedding and events industry!! Best of luck with your planning xx

View quoted message

Thank you. Best of luck with yours too xx

I feel like the replies here are just what I needed to hear.

My fiancé and I have decided tonight that the wedding we planned for 29/08/2020 and postponed until 18/09/2021 probably isn't going to happen the way we'd dreamed when we got engaged and it's time to cancel and look into register offices instead.

It feels as if every postponement is another year of putting our lives on hold when we could be looking into buying our first home, having children and actually living our lives.

He's a little older than I am, very level headed and down to earth about the whole situation but I'm sat here in my perfect, sparkly wedding shoes and my "we'll buy a better one for our 10th wedding anniversary" wedding ring (which actually I adore, even if it was 50 quid) and the tears are flowing.

I can only speak for myself and believe me, my partner and I don't have bags of money waiting around to be spent but the money we'd loose seems like just another blip in this mess of trying to plan a wedding during a global pandemic.

Only you and your partner will know what's best for the both of you. If you're anything like me what you really want is a marriage to the person you love. The perfect day with all of your friends and family is a wonderful, spectacular part but it's just one small part of your lives together.

(My apologies for rambling, it seems all this cancellation malarkey has got me all emotional)

Hi there,
Just an idea -
Some friends are now on the 3rd rearrangement of their wedding reception. May last year was postponed to Aug 2020, then this May and now March 2022 I think. She and her now husband decided that on the August date last year they would just do the marriage bit with the 15 people they were allowed to have (with a different and quite informal wedding dress) and that they would keep putting off the reception, complete with dress and sparkly shoes until they could have it in safety with their much larger group of guests.
They had the most wonderful intimate wedding day in August. The photos were stunning and they were amazed at how beautiful and wonderful an intimate wedding could be. They are now planning to have a postponed wedding blessing and reception (complete with sparkly shoes and original wedding dress) when they can - hopefully March 2022! They went through all the completely understandable angst, anger and disappointment that you are also experiencing, but I think have found a way to make the best of a terrible situation for themselves. Just wondering if you might find some comfort in doing something similar. Good luck and best wishes for whatever you decide.

View quoted message

I'm so sorry to hear about your wedding. So many people have been affected by this pandemic, in a variety of ways, and it really is terrible. Obviously, to put things into perspective, a postponed wedding is nowhere near as bad as losing someone to this dreadful virus, but I still agree with those above in the comments saying they are effectively grieving for their wedding - because it is also a loss... and an important part of your lives together as a couple.

Our new date is supposed to be 6th September, and whilst we are tempted to cancel, we know that if we do, we won't be able to book another venue because they'll all be booked up for this year and likely for 2022 as well. So, we've reluctantly decided to wait until the end of Feb, when the government are due to make an announcement about the "roadmap out of lockdown". Fingers crossed wedding and the events industry are mentioned and guidance given.

Failing that, our venue have emailed us to say they're working to an 8 week turnaround (once again), so we'll likely be waiting until early July before we hear whether our wedding can go ahead or not. This whole thing just isn't fair. It's very frustrating and it just makes you feel helpless.

Once again, I am so sorry to hear about your wedding. You are right in saying that you have to do what's best for you as a couple. I'm hanging onto hope that some of my family will be able to see me get married.. They live in Canada and if they aren't able to travel, then I would have no one from "my side" at our wedding... slightly depressing thought. It's important to me that my sister and cousin (like a sister) are there, as well as my aunt (like a mum to me).

View quoted message

This is a really great idea, and something that my fiancé and I have certainly talked about. We have essentially decided that if weddings can take place by the time our date rolls around, that we are just going to do it, and then plan a big party for when larger gatherings are allowed to happen - This means I get to wear my wedding dress and shoes twice (value for money!!). If we don't cancel with the venue, we'll wear our original wedding outfits (especially for photos, etc).

It's still so hard to believe, and so upsetting, that so many couples won't get to celebrate their love how they had originally planned.. but it does provide some comfort knowing that we aren't alone in this.

It's really tough at the moment.. I was due to travel to Canada in early July for my cousin's wedding (that's already been postponed twice), my birthday AND to meet my brand (first ever!) new niece or nephew (due mid June)... bit of a miracle baby as we didn't think my sister could have children, so very special... sadly I don't think we will get to travel. I haven't seen my family in 18 months, and I haven't spent a birthday back at "home" in Canada since 2011.. so this is overwhelming in itself, let alone trying to plan a wedding, and purchasing our first home this year also. Things have to get better... it's what I keep telling myself!!

After postponing our dream wedding and honeymoon twice and choosing a 3rd date in July 2021, my finance decided a couple of weeks ago to cancel those wedding plans. Due to differing Covid regulations throughout the UK, it became increasingly obvious we wouldn't be able to have the wedding we dreamed of in the country we wanted. If we carried on with those plans, we would spend moments of the day wishing it was how we had imagined, and knowing we had "settled" for something else. The moment for that wedding and those plans had passed.

SO .. we re-planned our day from scratch! It's been fun, exciting and stressful to pull together a wedding in less than three months, and yes, we're still planning on a July wedding BUT at a different venue that has more flexibility, more space and in a county that has a very, very small Covid infection rate. Honeymoon has also been re-planned to a "green" destination. Guests who were to come from the U.S. may still not be able to come, we may just have to implement a Zoom feature to broadcast to those who can't attend. We've compromised on a civil ceremony at the venue's deconsecrated chapel, and will have a blessing at the small church we originally intended to marry in with dinner and an overnight stay at the former venue. Rather than "make do" we simply decided to re-do.

Sadly, things may not change as soon as we'd like with regard to Covid, but, to my surprise, I found many venues that had several July and August dates available, which were being offered at a reduced cost.