Cut off point for guests

Hi Rebecca! Tell your Mum you have a budget and that will not allow you to invite everyone you both know. Even if you did have the budget would you really invite all of these people? There is always an expectation! If you would invite these people do an earlier RSVP and if a % say no then invite them. Don’t go in with this mind set though as they all may say yes. Stagger your invitations if you do want them all there. There can sometimes be away around it but it’s what you both want especially when you’re both paying for it!

If you're paying, then you get to set the guest numbers!

I would maybe avoid mentioning cost as a factor though, as it might create more awkwardness if your mother then offers to pay for the extra guests! I would just say that you want a smaller, more intimate wedding, with only those who are close to you in attendance.

If it helps, I don't think anyone ever avoids this kind of hassle over a guest list unless they a)have no family at all and b) elope. I know people who've had a couple of hundred invitees and still had hassle over their invites!!! So you're not alone. It's just one of the annoying things you have to deal with when you get married.

As long as you invite in 'groups', no one's got any real grounds to complain.

View quoted message Hi Shay! Thank you so much for the advice it has really helped it has really stressed me out and the eloping has crossed my mind but my fiance wants us to have the perfect day. I might even invite the people that she wants and compromise and say they can only attend in the evening once the sit down dinner is completed. What do you think?

View quoted message Yes I totally agree but thinking of inviting the people she wants but just to the evening onc ethe sit down dinner is completed thoughts?

That is a tricky one . I don’t know when your parents got married, but the most common weddings up into the 80s usually consisted of a hired room with a buffet that some of the family would chip in with and do themselves , so costs wasn’t as much . Those who could afford to would go down the more formal route of a wedding breakfast etc and the parents would usually pay for a lot . That being said though I am not for anyone going over their budget for anything . Your budget is what you can justify and if you can’t justify more then don’t . I am getting married in June and we got a package for 50 guests , and we are not going over it . The people what matter to us on the day will be there and that’s most important. To be honest outside of dos and funerals there are many members of my family who I don’t see . When alls said and done it’s you and your partners day , do what’s right for both of you

View quoted message Please try and not stress but I have also been through the stress part. It will soon go. I think that is a good compromise but you have to be happy to have them attending. I will admit although I have been strict with my list I am having a few people on my side on the evening just not to upset people (the guests personally, not family) I think it’s all part of it wether we like it or not.

View quoted message Yes I'm being strick with mine too I'm not inviting people that I don't speak to and that includes some long distance family members. A family member who I used to speak to alot now doesn't speak to me because she doesn't agree with the person I am marrying (due to our age gap) and thinks we shouldn't be together at all.

View quoted message Yes I totally agree with this I'm just really stressing and I'm not sure when my parents got married but I think my grandparents paid for the day but not sure and that's another reason why I'm so hesitate to invite certain people since my dad passed away a few years ago I haven't spoken to any of my cousins on my dad's side of the family since so they are not attending the wedding but my mum thinks they should.

View quoted message You do not need people like that in your life. Aslong as you are both happy that is all that matters.

Do you actually WANT these people at your wedding? If you don't, then don't invite them. (I'm assuming your mother will have people there that she knows - if not, then it would be kind to invite 1 or 2 friends for her)

If you can afford it and don't mind these extra guests, then you could invite them for the evening only, as a compromise. But on the other hand, getting married is as good a time as any to start setting some boundaries. Depending on how often your mother tries to push you to make decisions she wants, it might be a good moment to stand your ground! (My mother is one who takes the proverbial mile if you give way by an inch, so I was very firm about not letting her meddle with the guest list!!!)

View quoted message My mother already has two friends all of my family attending are her side of the family as I no longer have contact with my late dad's side of the family.

I have the same thing with my mum. I will just say due to numbers we can't have them. I saw it as if i haven't seen them in a year or two then they aren't coming. It is also more difficult cos my partners' family lives abroad and we may have to pay for them to come over for the wedding.

View quoted message I have the same problem my partners family also live abroad we are only paying for his brother and his dad to fly over everyone else will be paying for themselves we have offered but they have agreed to cover the costs of their partners on their own

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There you go. Plus remember it's your wedding. Really hope you have a lovely day and resolve this with your mum

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Ok, so your mother doesn't actually 'need' any of these people to be there.

So it boils down to whether or not you are prepared to suck up the extra cost AND have people you don't want at your wedding in exchange for keeping your mother happy. Only you can know your family situation and what's best to do, but unless there is a good reason to issue the extra invites, I would stand firm.

View quoted message I have stood my ground and she is getting no extra people I have said the venue can hold no more people then it already does so issue sorted but now she is sulking about it and she has to realize that it's mine and my partners very special day

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Well done! If she's acting like this over your wedding, then it's very likely that she would continue to expect to have an element of control over your decisions post-wedding, so it's good you've made a stand now. Stick to it!

We are getting married in Feb 2025 out guest list is around 35 people. I just want a small intimate wedding close family. Just let your mum know its a limited guest list due to cost of living or your personal preference. It should be about what you and your fiance want.


My dad has alot of family of his side. I have to tell him that he can only invite two of his family members so most likely My aunty and uncle etc. He will feel funny but its not his wedding or decision. How is wedding planning again? hope you are still finding it fun don't stress u got this do you!!

View quoted message Wedding planning is going ok but I has made a big impact on the excitement of the lead up to the day as it's constantly in my mind.


I have told her that the venue can only hold a certain amount of guests and no more than that.

It’s YOUR budget and YOUR day; remember that!


Venues are not cheap and having to pay per head for dinner on top is only more of an expense. Perhaps stick to an allocation for dinner, then if you do have anyone else you wouldn’t mind being there but don’t necessarily want to fork out for, invite them to the evening party? That way you’ve invited everyone you want to, and there’s no obligation for them nor you to come or to pay for them.