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J
Beginner March 2024 Hampshire

Dad refusing to come to my wedding - help!!

Jasmine, 15 February, 2024 at 22:53 Posted on Planning 0 4
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So for a bit of backstory… I have a Dad and a Stepdad. My Dad has never really been close with me, as a child I’d see him every 2 weeks. Now as an adult I see him maybe 3/4 times a year, despite him living 10 mins away and going to football matches a 2 minute drive from my house twice a week. My stepdad has been in my life since I was 4, has always been close with me and means a lot to me.


So our wedding is coming up and I’d asked my dad to walk me down the aisle, which he accepted. He’s not been very involved in our wedding planning but that’s not unusual for him.
Last week I decided that I also wanted my stepdad to walk me down the aisle, one either side. I asked my stepdad and he said he would be honoured to. I then made the hard call to tell my dad…
This is where it all went wrong. My dad flipped out and started bringing up the past with my mum and him, saying my stepdad was the reason they broke up etc etc - none of my business and nothing to do with my wedding but I can see why he would be upset. I said I would still love them both to be there and walk me down the aisle as my stepdad is a big part of my life.
My Dad has now said he will not be attending my wedding if my stepdad is walking me down the aisle as well. I don’t want to go back on my word and agree to just him doing it as my stepdad does much more for me than him, but feel really upset that he’s making me make this decision and that he’s not putting his feelings aside for one day for me.
Am I in the wrong/right? What would you do here?!

4 replies

Latest activity by Jess, 23 February, 2024 at 07:00
  • Leanne
    Savvy June 2024 Staffordshire
    Leanne ·
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    Firstly congratulation . Secondly, I feel so sorry for you what a horrible situation to be in , you shouldn’t have to be in this situation and it is not your fault . You like to thing at times like these people can put their feelings aside for the person that matters most , that being you . When decisions like these are made it can be tricky to go back on yourself , is your dad possibly just saying this in a moment of anger and hurt ? Is there any reasoning with him where you can have a talk . Let him know that his support means so much to you . It’s a shame that despite the circumstances he’s unable to see past how good and supportive your step dad has been to you . I personally couldn’t not have my dad at my wedding , so if I couldn’t overcome it , I’d have my mum give me away , but that’s just me . Xx
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I'm so sorry. Marriage breakups happen, but it's extra horrible when parents take their anger/resentment with their ex partner out on their kids. And that doesn't stop hurting just because you've grown up.

    In the first place, I would try reasoning with your dad and seeing if you can reach a compromise - like maybe stepdad walks you halfway down the aisle and dad takes over for the final half (which could be seen as the 'more important' half!). If he won't compromise, then you have to decide between going ahead without your dad at your wedding or asking your stepdad to stand down.

    I really hope you don't have to choose between those two things, but if you do, take some time to think through all the implications. On the face of it, it's a no brainer to back down so that Dad attends your wedding. But you're obviously a lot closer to your step dad - even if he is loving enough to stand down from the role without putting any pressure or guilt on you, you may find you still end up feeling resentment against your dad for robbing you of the opportunity to include stepdad in this special moment. So think through all the pros and cons before making your decision, and pick the one that you feel is going to be best for the long-term, not just for the day. Because the emotions that are worked up over this are likely to last a lot longer than the actual walk down the aisle which will be over in minutes.

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  • M
    Curious February 2025 Essex
    Miss ·
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    I personally probably wouldn't have had my bio dad walk me at all in your scenario


    He hasn't really been a "dad" has he? Doesn't seem very involved in your life so why should he get the honour or privilege of giving you away? Seems like he made that decision many years ago only seeing you twice a month!
    He's reaction would simply make me more inclined to say fine, don't come at all then
    Call his bluff
    It's not his "right" to walk you down the aisle and you should have exactly what you want
    I think having your step dad is a lovely idea and I bet he was so touched by it
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  • Jess
    Curious October 2025 Durham
    Jess ·
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    Sorry you are having to go through this and that he is unwilling to put his feelings aside for you for one day. I hope that over time he does mellow about the situation and you are able to have both.
    If not, it’s a tricky one. Id be inclined personally to say if my own dad doesn’t want to attend his daughters wedding for whatever reason then he doesn’t deserve to be there let alone walk her down the aisle. But depending on the person this might be very upsetting for the bride. I would also consider walking myself down the aisle and having no one. I would certainty make my dad aware that it was his doing though. I hope he comes round for you
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