Decree Absolute tomorrow - I am devastated

Hi Red,

I'm not as far along with my divorce as you. My nisi was completed yesterday and I found it quite hard to get through the day with people asking me if I was ok and was this what I really wanted etc. It's taken a year and a bit to get to it. So god knows what I'll be like when the absolute comes around.We were married for just under 2 years when everything fell apart but had been together for about 11 years.

My circumstances are a different as he did cheat. It hurts everytime I see him (which is normally twice a week when he sees the kids) but if this makes any sense whats so ever which I doubt, its been getting easier with time. It sounds like such a cliche but it's true. I never believed my friends and I think that at the time that it all happended and I posted on here several hitchers said it too. I thought they were crazy tbh. I won't lie I still have off days but generally things are better.

With wanting him to show his grief about it all is pretty normal I think but its not always a good thing when they do. My ex did this and if anything it made me feel worse as it almost seemed as though everything had been ripped apart for nothing. It would have been better if I'd not known how he felt about it all.

Hope your ok and you manage to get some sleep.

Hi Musette Thanks for taking the time to reply at this late hour! Sorry to hear you are also going through this process. It's extremely tough isn't it? So my heart goes out to you. It's kind of reassuring to hear that things do get better, I'm sure it will. I think I have delayed the greiving process because my husband just wasn't showing any humanity so it was easier to think badly of him. Now everything is coming to the surface and it hurts like hell. But I'm a firm believer that it all has to come out - there's no point burying the grief, it has to come out sometime and I know that I needed to cry lie hell tonight. I really hope that you cope okay in the next few weeks and try to remain positive. Will be thinking of you! RB x

That's ok I'm not much of a sleeper ?

It is tough, originally I didn't want to go through with it then something just clicked one day that regardless how hard I tried it was just not going to work.

When it hits you it does hurt. I think it was last summer that I actually let it out while I was at a friends house. I'd been bottling it all up while my mum was ill trying to be strong for everyone. Once she was a little better I was able to stop and think about me and I think I spent pretty much the whole weekend bawling my eyes out.

I should be fine as I have things actually going on now that I never had before like my driving lessons, (I never thought I'd hear myself say this) my job and finally a social life. So plenty to keep me distracted ?

Same here. Hope you start to feel a bit better about it soon.

Thanks for being there in the middle of the night - now I don't feel so alone, so thank you. Good luck with your healing process,

Thanks for being there in the middle of the night - now I don't feel so alone, so thank you. Good luck with your healing process, and keep enjoying the other things in your life. I will try and be more positive and pull myself out of this dark hole. Well done for getting as far as you have done, I know how hard that is. take it easy & take care! RB x p.s. sorry about lack of icons, too tired to work out how to do them tonight, so sending you a smile and a hug!

Goodness ladies - I just couldn't read and run.

I can't imagine the hurt and pain you're both feeling, but it filled me with sorrow to read your posts. I sincerely hope you manage to get through this all in one piece.

Thinking of you both ?

RB reading your thred reminded me of when I went through my divorce. We were only married a year and I was also so very much in love with him. I also used to watch the wedding video all the time, look at the photos and cry for hours on end. I felt so broken, lots loados of weight and thought that my life was over.

However there will come a day when you suddenly feel so much better about yourseklf and when this happens you willbe able to move on. 18 months after my divorce I met my now husband, we've been married 11 wonderul years andhave two children and I now thinktht getting a divorce was thebest thing that happen to me as it made me the person I am today, it also mkes me fight harder for this marriage to work.

I know you've probably heard this before, but things will get better, promise.

hello Essex Mum Thanks for your lovely note... I have just woken up today so obviously was completely emotionally drained last night! I do feel totally broken, but I am a strong person and I guess in time, I will feel the same way as you. It's just hard being in the middle of it all, to see that end point. That's why this forum is so good because people who've been there and done it can give that reassurance. So thank you for your words. I'm pleased to hear you are happy and that things worked out for you. take care

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I hope you're feeling better in the light of day. It's hard, but you've just got to get through it - there's no option. ?

Hey RB, I have been through almost the exact same pain and grief you talk about.

I can't chat much now as I have to go to a meeting, but please PM me to talk off the board.

Thinking of you ?

Huge ? for you.

Im no where near at the stage you are, but can relate to the way you are feeling. My H left a month ago. I was and am still absolutly heartbroken. I still cry everyday. Like your Ex he has shown no emotion which I want to see, just so i know he is hurting, even a little. He left as he says he no longer loves me and point blank didnt want to try and work things out

We have to children which get me through, I dont know where I would be if they were not around.

The pain is horrendous isnt it, i've never felt anything like it.

You and I will both get through it and become stronger people because of it. If you want to chat give me a shout or a PM, I will always have an ear.

All my love xxx