Desperate to elope!!!

I didn't want to read and run but it sounds like an absolute nightmare. Your families need to remember whose wedding this is. Sorry but they all sound really selfish. I tend to agree with you that eloping and doing exactly what you and your oh want sounds idyllic in this scenario. I would just show him what you've written here and ask him what he thinks. Is he still wanting the traditional wedding with all these issues? X

Thanks for your reply. He's really annoyed about it too. We are staying with his mum whilst we are having work done on our flat and the issue has just come up again. I just there and cried!

My fiancé loves the idea of eloping but we have already paid for our venue and we will lose nearly 3k if we cancel and then we will need to find money to actually elope. That's what stopping him really. So I'm trying to convince him to change the day a bit. Instead of having the church we could have the blessing at the ceremony room of the barns. It's a bit cheaper to do that. And then instead of sit down meal we could have a big roast and a few nibbles later in the evening. That should save a bit on catering and we haven't paid a deposit yet so we have got time to let them know. I also wouldn't need my sequin tablecloths if we did this ;-) I would feel upset that my nan didn't see me get married but it would still be a 'wedding day' If there was a way of not telling our guests we were already married and hope they didn't twig during the blessing it would be perfect!x

Reading your story reminds me of my family and my husbands family, everyone seems to have an opinion on weddings when it has nothing to do with them. I know exactly how you feel!!! Like you we had provisionally booked a date in Scotland for our wedding but then cancelled it, we lost nothing as no money had been spent. How far along are you with planning / deposits??? Would you loose a lot??

I am biased as we decided to go abroad with our closest family (OH mum and 1 bridesmaid) were still a nightmare though. We then had a reception for everyone when we got home.

I would let your fiance know how miserable it's making you and that you are stressed out! Maybe he is feeling the same.

X

That sounds so stressful and I don't blame you for wanting to elope, it actually sounds wonderful. You really need to do what you want otherwise you may regret it. Do the blessing in the barn and sacrifice the sequin table cloths

At the moment we would lose 3k if we cancelled altogether. If we just adjusted the day and rearrange the budget we might be able to find enough to elope. But I have no idea where to start with that!

My fiancé knows I'm upset and he hates it. He's really stressed out with too. Every time he tries to speak to his family he just gets shouted down. He's not one to bend over easily either, he's a police officer so he definitely has backbone but that gives you some idea of what his family are like. I forgot to mention his brother and sister don't get on. His brother has now said he's not coming. Just want to point out that his brother is 27 and his sister is 25. His stepmothers children are in their 30's so it's not as if they have an excuse to be acting childish. I'm not even asking them to be civil on the day, just ignore each other. Our venue has 3 seperate barns, a courtyard and an outside snug to escape to so there's no reason they should be near each other really.

If you were invited to a wedding and it turned out to be a blessing instead would you be disappointed?

I'd be just as happy to be invited to a blessing - just let people know that's all - but......I don't actually that will change anything - they'll be just as bad for that. I would be inclined to stick with/do what you want to do and simply rethink your guests. Tell them that unless they accept it's your wedding and you are doing it your way and if they are unable to be civil and behave appropriately then they needn't worry as they won't be invited and don't give them the opportunity to speak. Be firm, calm and robust. I don't think they'll like it but tbh what have you got to lose? :/

I know its 3k but it willbe money well spent if its what you want. You only have one wedding with your true love and do you want to remember all the politics and moaning from relatives? Honestly, it sounds like eloping is what you both really want, I'm actually slightly envious that I don't have the balls to do it myself!

The guests probably would still be the same at a blessing but at least it wouldn't ruin our real wedding day. I'm so confused by everything. Once again I'm in tears! Sorry that this is a negative post!

I don't understand how this is all getting out of hand? A wedding is a celebration not a time to get into family disputes. I would love to be form with them but then I run the risk of causing more friction and more family fall outs :-(

You have paid 3k, could you speak to the hotel and ask that instead of an all day event, if possible could you organize an evening reception with them??? That way nobody looses out. Get married abroad and treat your celebration at home a night for all family/ friends?? Bonus is you get to wear your dress twice!!! X