Hi,
My fiance and I are getting married in under 10 weeks.
My best friend from school has always been a bit emotionally unstable. Going from constantly messaging, multiple times a minute to cutting me completely from her life for months at a time. Recently (just after we wrote the wedding invites) she has broken up with her boyfriend of 10 years, then found out she was pregnant so they got back together, only to split again the following week. We altered her wedding invite to include a plus one instead of her boyfriends name, thinking she'd probably bring her Mum or a work colleague. She then had a miscarriage and joined Tinder and has been asking just about every guy she speaks to to join her as her +1. The most recent guy she's speaking to is almost 10 years older than her, and from the screenshots of his messages & the little she has told me, something doesn't seem quite right about him. My fiance & I aren't really comfortable forking out almost £200 for this man, who we haven't met and know very little about, to come to our wedding. We were already unsure how to broach the subject of her wanting to bring him but figured we might be better waiting until she actually confirms that he is the person she wishes to bring. It is worth noting that when she received her invite, not only did she ask for a +1, but we had said we thought it would be nice for her to have someone with her who could either drive (as she doesn't and our venue is in the middle of the countryside) or who could split the cost of a taxi with, such as a family member, work colleague or other close friend.
A couple of days ago she sent me some pictures of dresses she was thinking of wearing to the wedding. I told her they looked nice but were the same colour and almost identical style to my Mum's outfit. She didn't seem to think that this was a problem and said that "it's [her] choice what [she'd] like to wear at the end of the day" and she basically made me feel like I was being unreasonable asking her not to wear something that matched my Mum so closely. (Note that this is the first item of clothing my Mum has purchased for herself in over 10 years and I don't feel it's fair that she should have to change). My friend also said that she had picked a dress in her favourite colour and she won't wear anything else and that if I asked her to change I'd be sending her back to square one with choosing an outfit which is really hard for her. She is constantly sending me pictures of outfits with messages saying "Opinion", "thoughts", etc (literally 1 or 2 words) when I'm working. My Maid of Honour (who is also close to this girl) said that she could deal with her but this friend refuses to talk to anyone other than me about the wedding. I try to give her my opinion when she asks for it but then she tells me she wasn't asking my opinion. She posted her original choice of outfits on her Facebook page asking for opinions, she then posted alternatives with the words "can't have purple apparently" after I politely asked her not to wear the purple, though I am worried she will wear the ones I said no to on the day anyway.
She is the kind of person that posts 20+ Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat & Twitter updates every day and is constantly on her phone, even when she invites you over or she comes round ours for dinner. So we are also worried that she will basically post our wedding for the world to see. Other friends we have coming that spend a lot of time on social media have all stated (without us mentioning it) that they won't be posting anything on the day and will request permission the following day before uploading.
My friend has only ever been to one wedding, when she was 10 (she's now 28) so I thought if I found a few articles about wedding etiquette/what to expect sort of thing she might not pester me so much or would understand that I am not being unreasonable (though maybe I am???) but instead she told me that I'm mocking her and she doesn't need to pretend to be something she's not by reading the articles. She stated that "Main thing is attending and seeing my best friend enjoy her special day. I have no other part to play". Her comments made me feel like she was angry at not being in the bridal party, but at the time I got engaged she wasn't talking to me at all and only got back in contact when she heard on the grapevine that I was engaged.
So basically what I want to know is:
1) Am I being a total ***/Bridezilla about this?
2) Should I allow her to bring this guy? If not, how do I tell her no?
3) Should I let her wear the same outfit as my Mum? Or do I make my Mum change her outfit?
4) How do we deal with the social media side of things?
Side note: I have stress induced medical problems that can lead to being in so much pain I can't walk so try to avoid conflict but this last week has been horrendous. I really don't know what to do so please, please do tell me if I'm being unreasonable. I just don't want to be painted as a *** when all I am asking for is to have my wishes respected for one day.
Any advice would be great.
****Update: I ended up in hospital a few days ago and as a result of this guest, I have been told that I need to start a course of injections which will put me into early menopause immediately (I'm 27 and have no children). I did try to speak to the guest as she asked me how I was feeling and she told me she "can't deal with baby talk". My fiance is on his Stag doo and just lost his Nan, now when he returns tonight I'm going to have to tell him that I can't give him the family he wants. I'm devastated and this guest also hasn't even had the courtesy to reply officially by the deadline we set. I feel like the whole world is falling down.
Thanks in advance
Abi