Sorry for the massive ramble I am no doubt going to go into, but I went to a bridal designer sale yesterday, had a horrible experience and am really upset and disheartened with dress shopping now.
I'm 5 foot 8 and a size 12-14. Apparently, in the weird, warped world of bridal, this makes me some kind of elephant. I am sick of tiny samples and stingy sizes and I don't want to look for dresses any more and I'm just really upset. (Sidenote before anyone suggests this after reading the rest of the post - I flat out refuse to buy a dress that's too small and have it made bigger, especially if it needs a panel.)
To start with I wanted a vintage dress but a couple of shops took my details/measurements and said they'd let me know if they had anything - one was just if anything came in, one was actively going to look around and source a dress for me - and both basically said they wouldn't have anything for me as vintage dresses tend to be tiny (even if they're not all like that I'm just discouraged now). Then I tried on a dress I'd fallen in love with and Googled every day for a month at Stephanie Allin, only to find it didn't suit at all and wasn't all that in the flesh (but hey, at least it fit...) Ellie Sanderson Bridal in Oxford had told me they had a sample I could buy, so I was gutted to find it wasn't the one. They said they had lots more samples but they are all a small 12 and I would need to add a panel - no thanks.
Yesterday I went to a bridal designer sale with one of my BMs and it was awful. Basically, they measured me, looked on their chart and said I'd be a 14. You could pick five dresses to try, we spent ages looking through rows and rows and rows of dresses and found some really gorgeous ones to try. Turned out there weren't any curtains so you were there with whoever you brought - mum, BMs, whatever - and the staff, and could see the other brides and their people and they could see you, so I felt a bit weird, but kind of enjoyed having two people help me into the first dress. And then it wouldn't do up. And then it transpired that their chart was a load of BS and apparently I was actually a 16 and none of the dresses I had would fit. They said I could choose some more and go right to the front of the queue and come in again. I said to my BM that we might as well try those ones anyway just to see if they suited, but I was really bothered by one of the staff just standing there, and I said to her look can you just leave me and my BM to try these please and she said no, and I said why not, she said it was her job (apparently they have to stay with you so you don't injure yourself or something) and I said okay but can you please just turn your back for a minute or something and she wouldn't, I was feeling really upset and self-conscious by this point. When we went back to look at the 16s, there were hardly any, only a couple of rails, so not only did some frigging idiot decide, hey, let's make bridal sizes stingy, brides will love the way that makes them feel, I now had hardly anything to choose from. We couldn't find five to try, we ended up with four. They finally started to twig that I was feeling upset and self-conscious, so they arranged for me to go and try them in the room they were using to measure people, except the same sodding woman came with us, I didn't like her, she was just starey and annoying and I don't know why they couldn't have found someone else given I kept saying very loudly to my BM that she was making me uncomfortable and I wished they would leave me alone... then she kept saying about how the dresses I were trying would pull my waist in (I thought there was nothing wrong with my waist, now I am seriously questioning this) and then I said I didn't like anything they had and she said maybe I should have a consultation if I didn't know what I wanted. I told her I did know what I wanted, just there were hardly any 16s to try and I was never going to find a dress there. Then they suggested I look at separates - corsets and skirts - and I just went no way, I am not doing that, it needs to be a dress or it is just going to make me feel awful.
So basically I felt awful but put on a brave face for my BM because she had spent hours waiting with me, helping me try stuff on, etc. After she went to get her train home, I phoned my mum in tears. It was just a completely crushing experience, it wasn't fun, I didn't feel like a bride, it was horrible. Some of the people in the queue told me they'd had bad experiences in bridal shops e.g. felt bullied, been told off for not having the right underwear, and now I'm starting to feel I don't want to go dress shopping at all, and I resent the fact that apparently all the cheaper options like vintage, samples etc are not open to me and I have no choice but to spend loads of money on a made to measure dress (I realise I'm lucky that I have the money and can do this). I thought dress shopping would be fun, I don't feel like I want to go again, I actually felt like calling off the wedding as I feel like I am never going to find a nice dress, I know how bridezilla that sounds but I just felt like s**t. My mum was great, when I told her I was upset as everyone else seemed to be leaving the sale with a dress, she said "Yes but for all you know they all looked awful!!" which made me laugh, and I texted another of my BMs who pointed out that I get the best husband, bless her, but I just didn't know I would end up feeling like this, I thought when you were a bride you were meant to feel excited and pampered and beautiful, maybe that was just stupid and naive. My mum asked if people still get dresses made from scratch but I don't want to come up with my own design as I think you don't know if something suits you until you wear it and so that could work out really badly.
My mum is making an appointment at Ellie Sanderson in Oxford and telling them what's happened and that I'm quite upset/feeling over-sensitive now and can they not make a big deal out of the fact that their samples probably won't do up. Honestly though, I can't be the first person to end up feeling like this, all the bridal magazines peddle this c**p about how fun it is looking for your dress, well it's not.
Okay, sorry, I will stop rambling now. I just didn't expect to feel like this over something so important and special, I feel like it's all been spoiled now, I know how stupid that sounds. I just wish someone had warned me. My BM said the same - she freaked out when she bought her dress as nobody warned her the sizes were stingy and she ended up feeling rubbish. What stupid idiot decided making brides feel rubbish was a good idea?? I can't even look at the dress threads on here now, they just make me want to cry.
