disinhearted over hen do

It usually all comes down to money for people. its likely not that they dont want to be there, but maybe cant afford it. six girls are better than no girls. i understand it feels disappointing, but your girls may already have other financial commitments that make a night away too expensive.

if its the liverpool trip that is important to you, stick with it. if it is the company of those 16 people you specifically want, then why not consider a more local evening?

apologies if my reply sounds negative, ive twice been on the other side of the coin (invited to stay away hens) and had to decline due to money. it can feel a bit uncomfortable having to say no.

^^ This ^^

I recently posted in OT about a friend's birthday weekend she was planning in Liverpool and it was becoming very expensive for the travel and accommodation alone so I wouldn't be surprised if cost was putting people off. The general consensus in my thread was that the costs were too high for a hen weekend unless it was a very close friend (let alone a birthday).

Have they are got back to you or however is organising it ? some people are just poor at replying maybe ?, I really want to go liverpool but have decided its too far to travel 4 1/2 hours on train!. I recently went on a hen party and there were 6 of us including the bride we had a fab time. If its the money maybe consider not doing the cocktail making if that will help ?

hope you have a lovely time

If it just numbers that worry you, i went to a hen do in liverpool last year and there was 6 of it - it was one of the best nights out i have ever had.
Like mentioned about, it could be due to cost.

Sometimes smaller groups are more fun! I organised a hen do for 20 once and it was hard work!!!! Rounding people up all night like a fecking shepherd!

Could you do another local, cheaper one afterwards for those that can't come? They are probably just as gutted as you are but not everyone has the money, especially so soon after xmas.

I am in the same boat! I think it would be nice to have laods of people there but at the end of the day I know that I will have a good time with my closest friends and thats all that matters! A good Hen party is what you make of it not numbers!

I'm having a surprise hen do that my 2 MOH are organising. I have literally no clue at all where it is, or what's happening, but I do know it's over a weekend. Not everyone is coming to all of it, but my MOH's told me that everyone apart from 2 people will be there at some point over the weekend.

My only stipulation for the hen do is that it is affordable; this isn't my wedding, it's a night out with friends and I don't want it to at all overshadow or cost more for my hens than attending my wedding.

I'm going to one in a few weeks' time that is costing the same as a mini break for 2 in Europe. I didn't realise when I said yes how last-minute all the planning would be, and it made the costs skyrocket. Safe to say the cost of the wedding present is going to be significantly less now as between the hen and the stag do, my OH and I will have forked out almost £1000 between us (he actually is going on a European mini break for the stag). Makes me feel a little ill to type that with my own wedding looming and deposits to be paid...!!

I agree with the previous threads - what's more important, a night out in Liverpool with a few friends or doing something low key locally with all your friends, if money is the issue? no right/wrong answer, it's your hen do so you have to do what you've got your heart set on!

I kinda get what you mean, for mine, initially including myself there should have been 12 of us, but since actually having to book something only 6 have got back to me so that makes 7 of us now (and two of those are my mom and aunt! Im a bit of a billy no mates!)! We're just having it at my house (but actually as we all live in different bits of the country, between 1-3 hours away, it does entail travelling for everybody), where I'll lay on an afternoon tea and after gaining a general yes consensus have booked a craft class too so I had to pay a deposit. Unfortunately Ive had to pay it for the 12 of us, so it's a bit of a pain in the ass. If they definitely do/have pulled out tho the excess amount in the deposit just comes of the total cost so I wont lose out on any money, but it would have been nice to not have to fork out the total amount there...but Im rambling, anyway, I was initally a bit disheartened, but after a day or so I decided that actually sod it, Im excited that the people who can make it are, and we'll still have a lovely fun day - as will you!! You'll be able to have a proper chat with all of them with it being less of you, you wont be rounding people up all night, it'll be great! It might well be the distance and cost putting them off a bit, and that cant be helped, so again as already suggested, if you want the others to do something, maybe having a small do (dinner or a few drinks out, or a girlie night in) on another day is your best bet. Have a mopey sad day then just realise actually, you have got some people who want to come and celebrate and be thankful for that!

It is a shame that not everyone can make it, but as Pugsley says, cost is often a deciding factor for people. This is particularly the case with weddings if the hen do is quite close to the wedding itself and people are travelling for both. I don't know if this is the situation with you, but I am sure that all 16 would have loved to have been there if money and other commitments had not been an issue.

As Little Pixie mentions - is there no chance of doing anything local too? Before my wedding I sort of ended up having several "hen dos". The first was a weekend away at the spa hotel on the outskirts of Cambridge (I live and work in Norfolk). Some people came to the whole day and a few just came to the evening meal and out for drinks then went home. Some people could not come at all, so one weekend a few people went for afternoon tea in London as a central meeting point and I also went out for a "hen do" meal with some of the ladies from work.

The wedding is the important thing not the hen so, so I wouldn't let this get you down! You had 16 close female friends to invite which is probably more than I have - you sound popular to me whether they all come to the main hen do or not!

Thank you everyone for your comments. I've stuck with our orginal plan to go to liverpool just the 7 of us and which is with great company and plan to have another one in my local city for the girls who couldn't come to the one in liverpool.

Great compromise! and now you get to have two parties! 7 people is a nice group, its easier to spend good quality time with 7 rather than 16.

I think Hen dos are always difficult as you try to do all things for all people and it just doesn't work. Mine is in effect two in one day to allow for the different groups with a small core doing it all.

First we're meeting in La Tasca in Leeds for the afternoon for a meal and a few drinkies - that will be me, darling daughter my MoH who is organising, two of my pseudo adoptive daughters - ie my daughter's best friends, then 5 girls from work. We'll eat then go to The Alcheist for cocktails. The work chums are then likely to head home while the rest of us head on to Jongleurs and meet mt step-daughters to be and a couple more friends for an evenings fun and frivolity.

MoH and I will stay over in Leeds just to make a bit more of a do of it, bit I didn;t feel it was fair organising a full weekend away as people just couldn;t afford it and have ties with young children etc. This way is a compromise but we are at least doing something and we will have a blast. Sometimes it just has to be this way.

I'm sure you'll have a fab time.

xx

Sorry but I have to say since when is 'disinheartened' a word?

if you type it in google this thread is the first thing that comes up

why are you upset, is it purely because 10 people cant come or is it because most packages state a minimum of 8-10 people?

if its the first then it might not be personal, hen dos are expensive and not high on manys priority list vs bills etc... and 1/3 really isnt a bad turn out

if its the second can you not just invite more people?

@ alisha

I think you should consider your own grammar before highlighting anybody else's spelling.

Alisha - we all knew what she meant when she said disinheartened btw!!!!

I didnt comment on grammar because im in no way a 'grammar nazi' ? I commented on a word thats doesnt EXIST in language and pointed out because of it this is easily searchable

if she types it she probably speaks it so it would be easily recognisable to people who know her

Don't take any notice of Alisha, she delights in being rude to others.

Hi,

I am not bothered if that is a word or not or my spelling is bad ect and anyway this a wedding planning forum not to judge people on their grammer.

R.E hen do:

I feel very happy about my hen do now. i have my dearest friends with me in liverpool and i am looking forward to it. i am planning having a local one in my local city too for those girls that couldn't come.

That’s fine. I’m getting married in May, and I invited 11 people. And only two people are coming. My own sister in law (fiancé’s sister) said she had jury duty on a Saturday! 😂 however when my partner spoke and asked if she wanted to go, she sounded so uninterested in going. (Just one way to make it obvious she doesn’t like me!) and everyone else has either said no or just blanked my MOH. what’s worse is that my other half his list is getting bigger and bigger and we are supposed to be going for a joint meal before we go our separate ways. Think I’ll be cancelling my hen and just stay in. It’s to embarrassing to go just the 3 of us!

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