Divorced parents

Do they not get on at all? May be worth sitting down and thinking what you would like and then sitting them down and having a chat.

My parents are divorced but they do get on now, they split up about 21 years ago, so we are really lucky in that aspect. But I also know that they would put aside any differences for our big day if they didn't get on. Even if they don't get on, can they at least put their difference aside for your day?

I am actually putting my mum and step-mum in the car together with my bridesmaids. My Dad lives in Carlisle and I am in Portsmouth so Dad is staying at mine over the wedding. My mum lives with my brother so she will be coming to my house in the morning to get ready at mine along with my Dad and step-mum.

I think the best thing is to talk them about any concerns you might have.

In terms of the top table, I have been to quite a few weddings where the top table has only been the bride and groom, bridesmaids and grooms men. Would that be possible? Another friend had a huge top table which included both set of divorced parents and their partners. That could be another possibility for you.

It is different for everyone depending on how well/badly the divorced parents get on. Both me and hubby have divorced parents, and neither mums can really even look at the dads. I got ready with my BMs at the venue, hubby got ready with his best man at his house. The 4 parents all got ready at their various accommodations (no big hotel locally so everyone was in a plethora of little pubs and and B&Bs). Dad arrived a bit early at the venue to meet me and everyone else went off to wait for the ceremony.

As for the top table- we didn't have one. Me and hubby sat with the bridesmaids and their partners and best man and partner. Each of the four parents were on their own table with their partners if they had one, and family and/or friends. It meant they could relax as well as us. It worked well for us on the day and everyone behaved!

I think worrying about our parents was the biggest stress of the planning, but when it came to the day it was totally fine. Hopefully all parents just want their child to have a special day and put whatever feelings they may have to ex partners to one side, even if its just for 24 hours.

I was gonna say it might be worth sitting down with each of them and assessing the boundaries from the horse's mouth as such. One side might mind, one might not, both might be ok/not ok. Depends really

Erm.. I have divorced parents who are not on good terms with one another. They did not sit at the top table. My dad did not give me away, my brother did, and if I didn't have a brother to do it I'd have walked in alone. My mom was around when I was getting ready, but only because we were both staying at the venue with me, and she had gone off with family and my step dad by the time I was getting my dress on.

i still had the perfect wonderful wedding, and enjoyed it far more than if I had tried to shoe horn my divorced parents into the traditional wedding roles.

Both our parents are divorced. Out of my parents only my Mum will be attending as I don't have a relationship with my Dad other than emails once every blue moon. OH's Dad has just informed us he is going to make it for the wedding (he has lived overseas since their separation) which is going to be very difficult for OH's Mum. OH's Mum will be at the top table with us, his Dad will be on the furthest side of the room and we will be running interference.

Situations will vary massively as family dynamics are never predictable. many fractious parents will put aside their own issues on a wedding day....some can't.

Be sure that your tog is made very aware of these circumstances....

Peter

Hey Hun ,

every family is different but I shall tell you what I have done and see if it helps .

my parents divorced when I was very young and are both remarried. I've never seen them argue but I know it was horrific at the start when my mum met my step dad and no one really talks. Infact the only time I saw my mum and dad together in the same room was last year ( I'm 23) and that was when my mum took me to the hospital and my grandma died of pancreatic cancer while we where there. My step mum refused to come up to see my dad so my mum held him whilst he was sobbing . ( I'm saying this cause since then relationships and bridges have been built so it's a lot easier -- hence every situation being different)

so I have both dads walking me down the aisle, both dads doing a speech , my step dad driving me in a 2 seater and my dad going in my mums car . ( my step mum will have to make her own arrangements ) my dad will be sat next to me on too table , then mum , step dad , step mum x ( second dance won't be with my dad will be wth my grandad x

I've wimped out of dealing with it all so we are getting married without any of them. But we wanted to do it on our own anyway so it is not the only reason.

If they were coming I'd not have a seating plan that drew attention to it - I'd split them all up with their various new partners and family and bypass the traditional set up for seating and photos. Its just not worth forcing people to pretend to like each other, too stressful! It is so common these days - I can't remember a wedding I have been to in recent years where there wasn't at least 1 set of divorced parents with associated step-parents. And as I would assume all your guests will know they are divorced it isn't going to be something that needs explaining, so don't worry about it.

I think this is difficult...me and my fiancé both have divorced parents and all but his mum have new partners. We have decided just to have our parents on the top table as there would be too many politics if we sat their partners on the top table! Plus if they are seated in the traditional way my Dad wouldn't be sat next to my mum and Fiancés mum wouldn't be sat next to his dad so no awkwardness!! Only problem I really have is that my chief bridesmaid and they best man used to date...will just keep them at opposite ends of the table!!!