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Stephanie
Beginner October 2025 Powys

Does this sound reasonable for Bridesmaids?

Stephanie, 8 May, 2023 at 20:24 Posted on Wedding Attire 0 3
This is my first time here so, hello!
I thought I'd ask opinions on bridesmaids/mates attire.

So I'm having two friends with me, my best friend of over 15 years as Maid of Honour, and a very close friend as my bridesMATE. I say mate because he is transgender. My MoH isn't very feminine either so may not want to wear a dress. Because of this, I want to ensure both of my bridesmates are comfortable.
I have an idea to let them know what colours to look out for, and then let them have at it. I don't want to pin them down for something they don't want. So they can choose an outfit and style they're happy and comfortable in, all I'd ask is that they'd let me see too to see if it matches our theme well enough.
Here where some may disagree with me; I would ask them to buy/hire the outfits themselves. Especially if it's something they can use at other events. I'll be hiring my dress (or buying second hand) since we're trying to be thrifty and environmentally friendly. I'd ask to see if they want to do the same to save them money.
Our wedding is in 2 years, so I feel it's plenty of time to save up for an outfit. Especially since my fiance and I have asked for NO GIFTS. This would be the ONLY thing they pay for since we're covering everything else.
Is this a reasonable request? I've never had to plan a wedding and only been to my aunties back garden ceremony as a child so I don't know how things work. Be gentle with comments!

3 replies

Latest activity by Lisa, 10 May, 2023 at 08:03
  • S
    Rockstar July 2024 Cumbria
    Shay ·
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    Hi Stephanie! It’s ok to ask them to buy their own. Aslong as you are clear from the beginning. I’ve said before I paid for dress hair and make up as a bridesmaid. I am however paying for my bridesmaids dresses but I have asked if they could pay for their hair and make up if they want it done professionally and they have said yes. Very considerate friend that you want them to be comfortable in what they wear on your special day. Enjoy your planning!
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    As a general rule, if you are requiring your bridal party to have something (e.g. specific suit/dress/shoes/makeup/hairstyle) then you should pay. If you are letting them choose for themselves (either free reign or with fairly basic guidelines such as specifying a hem length or colour palette) then it's fine to get them to pay. So in this case, you are 100% ok to ask them to pay for their own. I would still specify this right at the start though, so there is no confusion.

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  • L
    Rockstar July 2023 Greater Manchester
    Lisa ·
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    With my Maid of Honours, at the very beginning when I asked them, I let them know what we’d be paying for and what they may need to pay for so when they said yes, they knew what they’d be getting themselves in for.
    We’ve paid for their dress, hair and hair accessories. They’re paying for the other bits.

    I’d say either way is fine, as long as you approach it with them from the start. It’s lovely that you want them to feel comfortable on the day, however you can still have more of a hand in choosing or helping them choose, if you want to. I let my girls tell me what styles they’d like best or be interested in trying and then I ordered a bunch to my house and they came over and tried them all on together. It makes a fun day of it that way too Smiley smile
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