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Jamie
Dedicated October 2022 Argyll

Don't want a band or dj but venue is insisting

Jamie, 21 of February of 2022 at 16:36 Posted on Planning 1 10

I just need to have a little vent here for a moment, before I seriously lose my cool with our venue's Events Coordinator...

We've repeatedly told our venue that we simply don't want a DJ or band because we are very very into our music, don't trust anyone else to stick with our playlist or do covers that we'll consistently like across a wide range of genres.

The wedding coordinator who we're passing all of our choices onto is being incredibly unhelpful. Initially, the venue told us there was a speaker system we can use. We later found out this was a small Beatbox from Beats by Dre, which isn't loud enough to fill a large reception room with 80 guests to be heard over.

The coordinator then told us she thinks we should have a DJ or band. We told her no, we really don't like them and don't want either.

We found a company that hires PAs and speakers, but we'd have to get someone to help us set them up during the meal. However, my uncle used to be a DJ and can help with this.

The wedding coordinator has again come back and said she has doubts, and doesn't want to approve us hiring the PA system, again insisting we get a DJ or band.

Am I being insane, or is it absolutely none of this woman's business? I don't want to be bridezilla, but it's our wedding - we don't like DJs or cover bands. Why is this so difficult?

What do I do?

10 replies

Latest activity by Jamie, 22 of February of 2022 at 07:40
  • Stephanie
    Savvy June 2022 South West London
    Stephanie ·
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    This sounds a bit ridiculous from the event co-ordinator unless there's something in the contract dictating you use their DJ or band supplier?? I'd be tempted to just inform her that you've hired the system and your uncle will be responsible for setting it up, and that whilst you appreciate her advice you're going in another direction due to your own taste.

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  • Anonbride
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    Super frustrating!!

    If it helps though, we're having a DJ through our venue and I'm also verrrrry into my music! We've agreed that we can send the DJ the full playlist to fill the set time. We can list any songs that should be played at a particular moment, or dedicated to a particular person, and then the DJ will play only songs from our playlist but read the room to know whether to go for something up tempo or slower (for example). We can also provide a "do not play" list if we want to - just in case a guest makes a request or something! Might be worth asking your venue for that situation if they're really putting their foot down?

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  • Jamie
    Dedicated October 2022 Argyll
    Jamie ·
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    We already told her that we haven't hired it yet, but I really think she needs to accept that if they haven't stipulated it has to be a DJ or band in the contract, it's none of her business if we want to hire a PA system. So long as it's insured and safety checked and the rest of it!
    I think you're right - I'm just going to tell her we appreciate the advice, but be firm and tell her it's not happening.

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  • Jamie
    Dedicated October 2022 Argyll
    Jamie ·
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    That does sound like a more tolerable idea, but I'm still not convinced I want to pay for a DJ when we're already paying for a bagpiper and string quartet earlier in the day, and hiring a PA system is only £85 - and there are SO MANY people in our wedding party who could set it up in under five minutes and be done.

    A do not play list sounds like a great idea though - this is my main issue with most DJs lol.

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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    If there's nothing in the contract to say you can't DIY the music, I don't think she can stop you.

    Since your uncle is a former DJ, would it help if you made him the 'official' DJ? So instead of saying 'it's ok, my uncle will set up the PA system', just tell her 'it's ok, we've hired a DJ to set up the PA system'. You don't have to tell her that the 'hire fee' is a few beers Smiley laugh

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  • Anonbride
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    This is a great shout!!

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  • Jamie
    Dedicated October 2022 Argyll
    Jamie ·
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    I don't see how she can stop us either, it's just the tone of her emails is getting shorter and shorter and I'm getting irritated with her - the irony is, all the reviews for this woman and the venue in particular praised how wonderful the Events Coordinator was :/

    Oooh, that's a really good idea! I don't think she'll be there on the day to notice he's also having a meal etc. and a proper guest... And he will be able to set everything up easily toward the end of the drinks reception, and not have to wait for his food or anything...

    I definitely think that might be a great option, thank you!

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  • Jamie
    Dedicated October 2022 Argyll
    Jamie ·
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    My thoughts exactly! Smiley laugh

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  • xkimx007
    Beginner October 2022 South Yorkshire
    xkimx007 ·
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    Venue's are not cheap. This woman should be bending over backwards to accommodate you and your vision not the other way around. You have paid for that privilege. Like the others have said, unless it is in a contract, it is not her call whatsoever. You should not be feeling like you have to make sure no-one notices your Uncle eating incase they realise he's a guest. Totally ludicrous. One thing I would suggest though is that you've mentioned this was all by email. Probably worth picking up the phone and having a chat incase tone and intention etc. is getting misconstrued/lost in writing.

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  • Jamie
    Dedicated October 2022 Argyll
    Jamie ·
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    I agree - there are already a lot of restrictions on what we can and can't do that weren't mentioned in the contract. It's a listed building so we can't hang anything from walls or ceilings or anything, which means our entire reception will likely be pretty much undecorated. We love the venue and location, but it's a little disappointing that the most we can do is choose napkin colours and table decor for the meal - so I feel like saying we don't want a band or DJ is a small thing, really...


    I agree about the email, however we have only been able to speak to her over Zoom on one occasion, and all direct phone calls go to voicemail every time - something to do with their team working from home so nothing gets properly diverted. Email communication is all we have, really.
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