Dress Code - Polite request

I think it is gradually becoming more common for couples to make specific requests of their guests. However, you are likely to have higher numbers of invitees declining to attend the more you expect guests to 'put themselves out' to fulfil your requests, so that's something to be prepared for.

I agree that it is likely to give the game away if you only make the request to female guests, but I can also see why your fiance is reluctant to include the men in the 'ban'! Before you impose a colour restriction on your guests, it might be worth rethinking the impact - if your wedding is very formal, (e.g. ballgowns) then you might blend into a crowd of black dresses, but if the dress code is smart casual, then you are going to stand out in an 'opulent' black dress even if every other woman wears the same colour. Male guests often turn up wearing the same colour suit as the groom, and he still stands out, so female guests turning up in the same colour as the bride is not necessarily going to be a huge issue, especially if your dress is going to be much grander than theirs in other respects.

But ultimately it's your wedding and if having other guests turn up in black outweighs the possibility of more people declining, then go for it.

View quoted message Whilst I understand that my dress would be an actual wedding dress instead of something a day guest may wear so I wouldn’t blend in, I don’t think it’s fair to say more people would decline over one small polite request.


I’ve not put a long list of clothing restrictions on people so I don’t feel like I’d be putting them out just for the sake of one colour, otherwise I’d agree that more would be likely to decline. I don’t see the difference between people being asked not to wear white to a traditional wedding, or being asked not to wear black for an alternative one.The reasoning I was going to give more than anything is that even though it is a Halloween time wedding, I wouldn’t want the guests appearing to be a group of mourners all in black as if attending a wake.
I just feel like alternative brides are not afforded the same feelings on this sort of matter than a traditional bride would be. Because I know if someone had a day guest turn up in white then it would be a huge issue regardless of the type of dress it is.

View quoted message

I agree you have far less likelihood of people declining if you ask them to avoid a specific colour, rather than telling them to wear a specific colour, since there is less likelihood that they won't have a suitable alternative already in their wardrobe. (Although the risk is probably higher if you ask men to avoid black, since that might be the only suit they own!)

It is trickier if you pick a non traditional colour for your wedding dress since most women will avoid white at a wedding but won't think to avoid any other colour unless specifically requested to Though personally, it didn't bother me what our guests wore (just as well, as my MIL wore ivory with black accessories!!!) and I think it would be nice if everyone worried about it a bit less - after all, no one stresses about turning up in the same colour as the groom! But if it bothers you to have other women turning up in black, then I think your idea of telling people you don't want it to look like a wake is a good one. Something along the lines of "Although we are having a Halloween vibe to our wedding, we would appreciate guests avoiding black where possible, as we don't want our pictures to look funereal!" should discourage people from wearing it while throwing them off the scent.

Let them wear black. It's a Halloween wedding therefore a natural choice. Having more black in the room will give the vibe even more of a gothic feel. I think you should lean into it. No wedding guest is going to show up in a wedding dress, black or otherwise, so my advice is don't worry about it. I am assuming your black wedding dress is still obviously a "wedding dress" style. If not and could be more of a black formal gown...that would be the circumstance where you might want to specify no black or white. I do think you are really limiting your guests though, if you do.

View quoted message To be honest that is also genuinely a part of it, everyone being in black would give the day a bit of a funeral look… especially as we’ve had quite a number of those in the last year.


The way you’ve worded it is exactly what I was thinking, asking guests to avoid wearing black if they can rather than it being a solid rule. That way I’m acknowledging FH’s feelings on the matter and not forcing anyone to buy something new, if they only own black. Hopefully also surreptitiously encouraging them to pick another colour they may already have.
One of my cousins got married in a red wedding dress and her MIL turned up in a red ball gown (lighter shade) so maybe this is also in the back of my mind - it was an awful moment.

View quoted message I’m sorry but I don’t agree, just because it’s around Halloween doesn’t mean everything should be black because ‘it’s the natural choice’ there are so many other autumnal colours like oranges/golds/greens/purples/bronze etc if guests want to reflect the season. And if they want something brighter or another colour they enjoy then I’m all for it. Personally though, even though I myself have a gothic aesthetic 24/7 I’ve never thought to wear black to someone else’s wedding. Maybe this is where I am different 😅


I suppose the second point to this, besides my own dress colour, is that I don’t want the whole day looking like a congregation of mourners. I don’t think this point pulled my main focus to begin with when I posted the thread, because as the bride I would like to stand out, but it is a secondary part of it.

View quoted message

Looks like you are quite set on what you want to do after hearing other people's views. At the end of the day it is your wedding and you should do whatever makes you the happiest

Managing your financial tools efficiently is essential for smooth business operations. If you're looking for a seamless way to enhance your experience, Glance Intuit Support offers valuable assistance for troubleshooting and optimizing usage. Understanding its key features can help users resolve issues quickly and improve overall functionality. Always staying updated with the latest solutions ensures a hassle-free experience.

View quoted message

I think that should work well - those who have other options are going to avoid black then, and mentioning wanting to avoid a 'funereal' look will mean that anyone who only has a black suit/dress and can't afford to buy something else will know they can just add some colour with accessories. Most people are going to have a bright shirt/tie/scarf somewhere in their wardrobe!

It’s always important to stay informed about recent incidents and legal updates. If you’re looking for LA arrest history , you can find accurate and up-to-date details on various cases. Staying aware of such information helps in understanding community safety trends.

View quoted message

Nice Very informative.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a polite request on guest attire. I've put it as an FAQ on my website (below) "What should I wear?

We're aiming for a relaxed and elegant semi-formal/cocktail vibe for our wedding. Please choose an outfit that makes you feel comfortable and confident! We'll be enjoying drinks and canapés outdoors on the lawn (weather permitting), so consider the October forecast when planning your outfit. To allow our wedding party to shine, we kindly suggest avoiding burnt orange / rust colors." Maybe you could use something similar to the last part of the response and people will perhaps assume it is the bridesmaids wearing black?

Honestly, I get why you’re torn. You want that big reveal, and with so many guests planning to wear black, it might take away from the impact. That said, your FH has a point—telling people no black or white might feel like a hint about your dress, plus it could be tricky for the guys. A middle ground? Maybe suggest a dress code like “rich jewel tones” or “dramatic gothic elegance” in the invite. That way, you guide them away from black without outright banning it. You could even add a line like, “We’d love for guests to embrace deep, luxurious colors to match the theme.” That way, it feels like a fun style choice rather than a restriction.

I think you can request no one wear black or white because it’s your day and you want to stand out. If you want to keep some mystery you could say due to bridal party colour themes please do not wear black or white. Something like that. I don’t see any issue in that. Lots of weddings try to not have certain colours worn by guests for different reasons

If you're looking for updates on recent incidents in Kentucky, busted warren county provides useful insights. Staying informed about local happenings can be essential for community awareness. Whether you're checking for general news or specific updates, reliable sources can help keep you updated. Make sure to verify details from trustworthy sites for accuracy.

I think dress codes are quite expected now.

We've requested black tie and asked ladies consider wearing a touch of pink. I was debating making it a request rather than a dress code but I've seen so many weddings that are black tie and everyone goes that way and I felt it would be odd to have just some in black tie. It's your wedding so do what you feel is right!

Perhaps

Dress Code:

While we are exited for our gothic opulence theme, we request formal attire and no black dresses to fit with our location.

Something that puts the reason on the location or theme perhaps to avoid it being obvious you are wearing black?

View quoted message

I Love the way you worded this, asking for 'deep luxurious colours to match the theme' So I may have to pinch this one

View quoted message

I was also thinking of putting it on our wedding website under an FAQ for people to refer to you've made some great points, thank you!

I am putting on my invites that burnt orange is not to be worn as I don't want anyone else but my wedding party and family in my wedding colours. I think that it is absolutely fine to put such a request on your invites. There are so many other colours that people can wear. What colour are your bridesmaids in? If they are a different colour then maybe put no plain black,white or Red dress to be worn as these colours are reserved for the wedding party only? That way if they do wear black it wouldn't be a plain black dress, if that makes sense X

View quoted message

The Bridal party is in royal purple as we were looking at jewel tones when planning and it complimented all skin tones. It does make sense, but I don't want to be too restrictive and I think if I add purple to the list FH will have a small conniption :'D but I do see what you mean by asking for certain colours to be reserved for the wedding party.

View quoted message

I think even if someone does turn up in a purple dress, it's going to look very different from your bridesmaids' dresses (unlike black, there are so many different shades of purple, so it's really unlikely they will have exactly the same shade), so I don't think anyone will really notice, and it might cause complications if you start adding to the list of colours not to be worn - e.g. is it ok to wear a dress that has SOME purple in it? How purple is too purple? I can see you will end up fielding dozens of enquiries from people who aren't sure if their outfit is ok!!! Since black is the colour you most want female guests to avoid, then I think your original idea of asking people to avoid black 'where possible so that we don't end up with a funereal vibe' is the best way forward.

View quoted message No no, I was acknowledging what the person I was replying to had written but I have no intention of adding purple to the list. It’s just black (and white people don’t wear for weddings anyway) I’m not adding anymore colours to the avoid list. Just acknowledging that some people do that with their bridal party. I just didn’t word it particularly well as I was at work 😅

A polite dress code request ensures a respectful atmosphere—just like having secure locks ensures safety and peace of mind. Whether it's a formal event or home security, attention to detail matters. Need reliable locksmith services? Slotenmaker is here to help!

Your wedding - those that are genuinely coming for your union will respect your wishes

It's your wedding - if you want to wear black and ask your guests not to, that's your prerogative!

I've been to two weddings in the past year that requested no black (dresses or suits). One was a summer wedding and one was a halloween wedding (bridesmaids wore black). As far as I know, nobody batted an eyelid at either.