Hi Everyone,
I just need some advice for a moment as myself and my FH have a difference of opinion on this.
We are getting married around Halloween 2026 and having what I am calling an 'opulent gothic' wedding (Think old victorian gothic glamour) I have picked my wedding dress, which is black, but I don't want anyone knowing this until I step on the aisle. whenever people have asked me what my dress is like I have either evaded the question all together or if badgered, shown them a picture of a decoy dress I tried on in white that I loved, but ultimately wasn't my dress.
I know this sounds dramatic so far but please bare with me here...
I just really want it to be a suprise for the guests as they all truly believe I wouldn't wear a coloured dress. However, since the save the dates went out I've had lots of guests making comments such as "Oh I'm so glad you're having a halloween wedding, I have so many black dresses to choose from" and others saying they "can't wait to wear black to fit the theme."
I know people think its poor taste to wear white to a wedding but they wouldn't think anything of wearing black, so I said to my FH that I was considering putting "we politely request no black or White clothing to be worn" on the formal invites to try and circumvent this. But my FH thinks that's rude as we can't dictate what people wear. he's also brought up that most men own black suits and by making this statement we'd be forcing our friends to buy new suits for our wedding which he's not comfortable with, and I wouldn't want either.
The problem is I can't just single out the ladies who are the bulk of those saying they're wearing black (17 out of 40 guests to be precise) FH has also mentioned that by making that statement, I'd probably give the game away anyway as they'd all know it would mean I was wearing black (FH knows dress colour, as I was stressing trying to find an actual black wedding dress so was my support system on the hunt. but doesn't know the exact dress)
So now I don't know what to do... I feel like if it had only been a couple ladies who had said they were planning on wearing black it wouldn't bother me, but as time goes on a lot of family & friends are saying the same thing. No one knows our theme, but the wedding stationary has been black tarot cards so they know it's something alternative.
Is it rude to make a polite request for these colours not to be worn, or is it something people expect from weddings?
