Hi everyone,
I very recently got
engaged, and I didn't realise two things: 1) just how happy it'd make
me, and how keen I am to plan a wedding..I thought I wouldn't care too
much about weddings and just wanted the marriage, 2) just HOW much I
want to share my happiness with my mom, and can't imagine not buying a
dress together or my dad not walking me down the aisle.
The
tricky part is that my parents don't even know that I'm in a
relationship in her! They suspect that I'm with someone, and it's
getting to the point where my mom is so worried and is crying everyday
about me, because I don't share things about my life and it makes her
worry. I know I should've told her earlier. I've been living with my
gf/fiancee for 3.5 years! My parents aren't really Religious, but come
from a very conversative background. My father is confusing for me - he
knows some gay people and isn't exactly homophobic, but I have no idea
how he'd react to me. I suspect, but can't know for sure, that he might
accept it or even show up to the wedding, but wouldn't actually be happy
for me...I don't know. I'm scared that he's the type of person who
would be more polite to me, but might say mean things behind my back. My
mom, on the other hand, definitely won't even be polite. She has a VERY
difficult relationship with her husband/my dad, and he and I are the
only family she has. I'm an only child, and there's a lot of pressure
for me to make her happy. There's pressure for my future "husband's"
parents to live in the UK and for them to be on amicable terms with my
mom...she's just lonely..My partner's parents don't even live in the UK,
though. Initially, I didn't tell my mom for two reasons. Firstly, I
wanted to make sure that my partner and I were serious enough. I've
known for a while, but I guess I left it a bit late. I don't feel like I
can necessarily come out as "gay" or even "bi". I've dated men in the
past, and I really feel like I'm attracted to just my partner, and not
because I'm now attracted to women. Perhaps it makes me bi. Anyway,
what's the point in labelling myself. I just mean that I know I probably
could be with a man, if not with my partner, and that's what my mom
will think...and I wouldn't be coming out as such, but telling her about
my one specific relationship. The other reason I haven't told her is
that she's very, VERY emotional and I was actually scared of what might
happen...for my safety, my partner's, hers...she doesn't even know where
we live, so I'm mostly scared for her. My heart breaks to think that
she'll be even more depressed and lonely if she cuts me off, but I also
want to have my own happiness. My parents had a very, very rough
marriage throughout my childhood, and I really feel like the best gift
would be to just accept my marriage.
Sorry
this is so long. I'm looking for advice on how to approach this, as I
feel like I've left it too late now, and I really must tell my parents.
Every time I see my mom, she's in hysterics, rude, harsh, etc...it's
just not possible to talk to her, and I know she'll just cut me off an
not let me speak if she doesn't like something. However, I feel like
it's a bit cruel to just email her. On the other hand, she now knows
that I want to share something and I'm scared, and said I can email her
and then meet up with her afterwards. She said that obviously they'll
support me no matter what...except if I'm with a woman. Also, do I just
start off by saying I'm in a relationship, or do I tell her I'm engaged?
I don't want to drop such a bombshell, but want her to know it's
serious. We plan to get married in 1.5 years...
It's
such a happy time for me, and I want to enjoy the engagement, and am
scared that my mom will ruin it. On the other hand, I didn't even think
I'd find it so hard not to share these things with her...we used to be
very close. Both my partner and I don't have many close friends or
family in the UK, so sometimes we feel alienated. I'm flying out to my
partner's country to meet her parents for the first time, next week. Her
parents are also conversative, but her mom has come around (although
not sure how she'll feel once she finds out we're getting married)...but
she has always suspected that her daughter is gay, so she has had time
to digest it.
Sorry it's soo long! Thanks guys!!!
