Evening invites/guests and gifts

There are all kinds of things that you do for weddings that you don't do for other occasions. It's a convention and I have never been offended when I have received gift list information in a wedding invitation.

However, in answer to the OP no I wouldn't put it in the evening-only invitations (even though they will be at the ceremony).

The existence of a wedding gift list is not particularly problematic for me. It IS traditional. However, tradition and etiquette are pretty firm on the premise that you wait until you receive enquiries before directing someone to a gift list. It is the inclusion of gift details/cash requests in an invitation that winds me up

LOL ok.

You're the host - it's your job to make your guests feel welcome, not upset them!

Uhh, no, my only job on the day of my wedding is to get married, my bridesmaid, best man groomsmen (if I was having any) and the venue would be making sure my guests are catered for and happy.

You can't really compare a wedding with a birthday party in that way, there are traditions that are observed for birthdayas (candles on a cake, singing happy birthday) and traditions when it comes to weddings i.e flowers, rings and to have some sort of gift list, it's not traditional to do so at a birthday party, if you're going to blur the lines then surely it's abhorant to not have candles on your wedding cake???

The tone of your posts did give that impression a bit though ?

In answer to the OP...I havent included wedding info in the reception invites, but i have had evening invites that include gift information and havent been offended.

You may end up overthinking it - i would sugguest go with your gut instinct...i overthink stuff all the time and change my mind over and over again! Buttonholes, no buttonholes, cake toper, no cae topper....nothing but wedding planning will make yu think this hard abuot stuff that doesnt really matter! x

I wouldn't worry about it. Guests are always free to ignore it ?

This is what we're doing. I really think that it's each to their own as far as this topic is concerned, as everyone has such strong opinions. I have always received a gift list with all wedding invitations, and intend do provide details of our honeymoon fund with all of ours. That said, everyone who is coming are close friends and family, and loads of them have already asked what we're doing about a gift list and they have all said that they think it is a great idea - this is close friends/family who I trust to be honest with me.

I can see that some people may find it presumptuous, but hopefully our nearest and dearest know us well enough that they will not think this of us - fingers crossed! x

Well said.

To answer your question - I didnt put any information in my evening invites, but I did in my day invites. The day invites were to our close friends and family and I know they will want to get us something whether small or large, they will as that is what they are like, so I included gift information in there. I think in today's day and age most people expect either a list or some sort of guideance. Well except for the few people on this forum that is! In respect of the evening people I do not know them as well (mainly OH's old family friends etc) so I would not be so inclined to presume anything so I decided not to include any info for them.

I think it depends on the people you are inviting and if you think they would mind?

HTH

xxx

I don't think you can really compare the two, in all honesty. Birthday parties happen every year whereas a wedding is supposed to be a once in a lifetime experience.

Fine by me

Traditionally guests would bring gifts of fruit to a wedding, but now it seems to have changed a lot. I won't be putting gift information in as we dont need a lot, but if someone asks us directly i will suggest something, such as a £2 garlic crusher, we really need one!

We are putting gift list info in our day invites but not in our evening. However, both have our wedding website on them and on the wedding website there are details of our gift list if people really want to look it up.

I think Ed Byrne sums this up nicely

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqQ9xFSjRyw

My opinion - same as many of the others, fine in day invites (makes life easier for guests, is expected anyway etc) but no to evening invites (I do agree with the ' good enough to buy you a present but not good enough to come to the whole day' opinion here). I would normally get something small (and 100% definitely always a card) as an evening guest anyway but have received gift lists in evening invites before and thought it a little rude. But each to their own!

Just another thing, related but not the same point - do you think it's rude not to give a card, regardless of the part of the day you're invited to?

I think it's very rude. What say you?

I think its good manners and very nice to bring a card. I always give cards for weddings. And theres not really any excuse as you can get a card for 59p from the card factory if you have to. I would appreciate a card more than a text for example. It always seems more personal - at least you kow some thought has gone into it. Same goes for handwritten thankyou cards / notes.

If i didnt get a card from someone i dont think i would necessarily be offended but i would be a bit put out.

I think it is rude not to get a card, I'll be honest and would probably not notice if people didnt send me a card as I have sucha huge family I tend to get a bit swmped with cards at all occasions but i would never dream of going and not taking at least a card, i would send a card if I couldnt go too

I wouldn't include a money poem/request with an evening invitation. I think they are fine(requests not poems, poems make me gag) if you are there all day but not just for evening guests. We recieved an evening invite from a friend of OH's with a cheesy pots and pans poem in 3 weeks ago , wedding is next week (so we were clearly on the reserve list too) and thought it was really cheeky!

I do. A card can cost 59p these days and it just shows that the people you've invited care you've invited them.

And as long as there's a cheque in it for at least £50, I'm happy. Otherwise I send it back. ? Joke.

Seriously though, I honestly don't care if people give me gifts, I just want bums on seats and to share my day with all my favourite people. And I disagree, Dollyrockerz. The people at my wedding are my nearest and dearest and while I'm sure I will be busy being a smug newlywed and getting faceache from all the pictures, I still want to make sure my guests are made to feel welcome. I'm the one who's invited them, not my venue.

But regarding the OP, I wouldn't include a gift list x

I definitely think it's rude not to send a card. OH wouldn't agree with me, but I'm a card person and he's not.

We've only ever had to decline one all day invitation and one evening invitation. For the all day invitation, where they'd included a gift list with their invitation, I sent them a £20 gift card off their gift list. Will send a card closer to the time. For the evening invitation (which was from an old penpal who I'd only just got back in touch with via Facebook) I sent her a card and a little wooden Welsh lovespoon.

Definitely rude not to bring/send a card!

I think it's rude not to take a card - I'm even sending one via my Mum to my cousin's wedding. I haven't been invited to that.

I received a gift list thingy in an evening invite to OH's bandmate's wedding and now i feel obliged to buy something expensive from John Lewis...

Woah, who knew it was that controversial?! Unfortunately the one thing I have definitely learnt from this topic is that whatever I do will upset someone. So that's pretty much the same as every decision we've made about the wedding so far then.

OT (but hey its my topic) I didn't even know people might bring cards to a wedding. I've certainly never taken one to a wedding even when I've taken a gift. I just must be SO RUDE.

Trickers, about the birthday party thing, the nearest comparison I can make is when people have a birthday with a 0 on the end and their family invite people and effectively host the party, and in those situations I have seen specific presents listed on the invite. Something in the form of "X would really love a hot air balloon/sky diving/camel trekking trip, if you would like to contribute to this for her 60th please let us know".

Officially my parents are hosting my wedding, although for practical reasons I'm sending out the invites myself, so it is not really officially me asking for gifts for me anyway is it? ?

happycamper wrote the following post at Tue, May ****:43:

Why would you not bring a card to a wedding? That's the way your guests can say congratulations and good luck ? You can't rely on there being a guest book, you know

Plus, cards are a lovely keepsake. I love getting cards. I remember after my friend got married, I went round her house and her dining table and chairs were literally covered in Wedding cards. It was lovely to see x

I have loads of £1.50 - £5 items on our JL gift list... including some Tupperware I really want... and nobody has bought me any☹️ haha! (Okay it's 'our' list but as you can see it is really MY list ?)

We did not include any gift info on day or evening invitations. Our evening is the expensive part anyway as that's when our sit-down meal is and if I were a guest that would make a difference to me as I'd like to give a gift (or monetary gift) to roughly cover the cost of having me/us there. Obviously for us the most important part of the day is our ceremony, but we did want to include our evening guests as much as possible so they will be having a hot meal with us, listening to speeches and watching the cake-cutting.

Funnily enough, although we didn't include a gift list with our wedding invitations we do for birthday parties!! To family anyway. Like if Mum's got her birthday coming up she'll say "can you come over on the 11th, I'll send you my birthday list through email". I guess it's a family convention we all know about though so it's like we know we can dispense with asking "what do you want" as it's a long-established tradition we are all happy with.

We didn't have any 'evening only' invitations, but we didn't put gift information in our invitations anyway. We did have a TINY reference to it on our website with the disclaimer that we didn't expect gifts but if anyone wanted to get us something, we had put a few useful items on an Amazon list. I think we got about 8 people ordering us stuff, ranging from a lawnmower (which I freaking LOVE!) to Star Wars chopsticks. Most people gave us vouchers or gift cards for M&S or JL; a few people chose us presents not from our list (including a fabulous Dia De Los Muertos pillow!) and some didn't bring anything at all other than their company. I'm not offended by the people who didn't give us a card or gift, and every present we did receive has been thoroughly appreciated.

The one and only thing I find incredibly rude at weddings is to RSVP yes and then not show up, which 3 of our guests did. Not impressed!

We do this too! My family like to surprise me with something but they also want to make sure it's something I'll find useful and don't already own! So we put together wish lists and then they pick something from that. Without it I'd possibly end up buying the same dvd boxset for my brother year on year! ?

I'd much prefer (as a guest) to have details of the gift list with the invite, whether an evening or a day guest - then I don't have anywhere near as much stress deciding on the present. I'd probably spend less as an evening guest, but I'd rather get something useful and wanted than wonder if I've wasted my money on something that's going to sit in a corner. Admittedly the only wedding gifts I've sent not on a gift list went down really well, but the stress sorting them was fairly major (aka running around town we stopped off in on the way up to the wedding for about an hour before inspiration struck).

If the guest list has lots of sensibly priced items on it, then there's no reason evening guests shouldn't be sent details, but if everything's over £50, then it would be a bit rude IMO.

I have been to two evening do weddings and i would always expect to buy a gift and honestly would think it is fine to see a gift list, given the limited numbers that are coming to my day compared to all those at evening i can understand why people have to limit their numbers!

xx

I would send a card if I couldn't make it. If I was going to the wedding I would say congratulations and good luck in person wouldn't I?!