Evening invites/guests and gifts

I always like to put a little love quotation in a wedding card. If I went to an evening do, then I might not get chance to say much to the B+G. Though obviously for our wedding I will do my best to say hello to all our guests

I suppose it just shows, I've been to so few weddings (and even fewer as an adult where I might notice stuff). I loved getting engagement cards, that was really unexpected and touching, so if we get wedding cards, that would be lovely too.

The two wedding invites I can remember getting, one was a day invite and came with a slip giving details of where to find a gift list, the other was an evening invite and came with a link to an online list. I didn't have any feeling myself whether it was usual or unusual to get a list, so I certainly wasn't offended by either invite, I was just happy to be asked to the wedding. I think to the first I took a gift and the second I didn't.

I still can't believe the debate this has sparked, and I can tell that if we do decide to send gift info with the evening invites I run the risk of someone taking offence. So, still needs thinking about.

We didnt put anything in our evening invites and just fielded calls and questions from people as and when.. x

I've given my money poems to my god mother who is writing my invites. She liked them and passed comment on how nice they were.

It's your day, do what you want.

WSS! It just looks a bit greedy to me. I liken it to being invited to an evening party and being sent a gift request. Receiving a gift list as a day guest is different imo, and I'm never offended to receive one. In fact I'm glad to!

I think the solution is simple. If you want, you should make a list of things you want, but don't automatically shove it in anyones face or state you want money instead, as that is rude and it should not be expected. You are there to share your happiness with people you care about, not to make money (I understand that people might want to recover the money they spent on the wedding but this should not be expected, but rather appreciated if it happens). Everyone knows that people want to recover the money invested into the wedding or save up for the honeymoon or mortgage. It is obvious and there is no surprise there, so there is no need to state the obvious, otherwise it clearly is a form of pressure. So going back to the list, have it if you want, but only provide it if it is requested, to help people who do have dilemma what to buy and genuinely want to know, so you do not end up with 3 irons and 7 microwaves. Some people might not be able to afford things fro, your list, and might want to buy something on sale or using vouchers or discount cards, so they feel they got you something nice without spending money they do not have. Otherwise you might end up with people feeling pressurised to buy you things or give you money, if they cannot or do not want to, and it causes bad taste and even resentment. I know that people often make up excuse not to come to the wedding at all, as they do not have or want to spend expected amount of money or buy expected gifts. The only question you should ask yourself is "What does this gathering mean to me and what sharing this time with those people means to me" and follow your heart, then the answer to your question will be very simple.