Ex has married at same venue

Not quite the same, but I bumped into my ex bf's sister's partner at a wedding fayre at our venue, they were getting married there the next week. It was a bit weird but I forgot about it. I know your situation is more weird but I'm sure in a few weeks you will forget about it. Your wedding will be different decorations, colours each etc.

I think I would feel a bit put out by this too. You could just use it as inspiration to make your wedding bigger and better? I know that sounds a bit petty but it will make you feel better! Make her wish she had thought of the things you did and wish her photos were as good as yours ;-) With regards to having the last laugh, you're marrying you're fiancé! The one she let get away. If she was still interested enough to make contact after the break up this will effect her on some level. But the main thing is for you to enjoy special day ?

I completely understand how you feel. I would feel the same way. I would not even want a friend to get married at my venue let alone my H2Bs ex. I do feel its MY venue. I am very possessive about it. Bridezillaish? Definitely yes. But thats how I feel. About most of my stuff I have booked for the wedding actually.

Thank you for your replies. Its nice to know I'm not crazy for feeling like this and you would feel the same too. I just wish she wasn't connected to our venue at all, I can't believe out of all the places she could have got married it had be ours.

Every wedding is different. I photograph weddings at the same venues and they are still different.

Invest in the best photographer you can afford to make sure your day looks better than hers!

I totally understand! My h2b was with someone for 9 years before we met. They ended on bad terms & dont speak. We found out via fb (bloody thing, hate it! Deleted my account a few months ago) that she got engaged (2months after we did) I keep saying to h2b 'have you seen anything on fb about where shes getting married? It better not be our venue' lol. So i totally get how you feel. Xx

I must admit I'd really struggle if I was in your shoes. Only you know if you and your oh can live with this. On one hand, don't compromise what you want. Make it all the better because every wedding is unique, or decide to change your venue and all that entails, including them seeing that they've had this effect on you. Good luck hun. Feel for you. Xx

Thank you for all your replies, its really helping hearing how you would all feel in this situation and the similar types of situations you all have had.

I have started looking at other venues again. If this had come to light before we had booked then there would be no question, I would choose a different place but as we have paid a decent amount on deposits for the venue and registrar, photographer, transport, band etc it will mean we will lose money trying to rearrange at a different venue. I just don't know what's best and the longer I leave it the harder it will get to change venues (our wedding is Aug '15). I just don't want to regret the decision either way. I may end up regretting letting it effect me and changing venues or I may leave it and then wish I had changed it on the day.

Myself and my partner are not friends with her on Facebook, I just happened to see it via a new work colleague (the world really is a small place!) I knew even from the little thumbnail that it was our venue and couldn't help but look just to confirm my initial thought!

^^WSS

It might not be the same but me and oh got invited to his best friends wedding (who was his best man when he previously got married) they got married at the place my oh married his ex wife. At 1st I thought i would of felt upset and peed off all day but it didn't bother me one bit. The reason why was because I was there with him and his past was his past. I stood and watch them cut the cake where he would of we stayed the night in the hotel and went for breakfast where they would of and just to make it even better she was there at the night do. The way I saw it was everyone has a past and s**t happens. He was with me now and marrying me and the venue and who else was there didn't matter.

If we all looked into things we would probably find someone who knows someone that we didn't like got married in our venue. If u live in a small town as well it might be harder to find nice venues.

Dont let it ruin ur plans because to be honest she's not worth it and once u there enjoying ur day she won't cross ur mind!

Time to look to the future because the past is the past there's nothing u can do about it just don't let it ruin ur future.

Xx

It could really be annoying as she "might" think you're copying her ideas or maybe you wouldn't want to have the same taste as her. However, these are just all in our head. I guess it's best to let go of it because the most important part is you are getting married with the one you love. She is an ex so you are the lucky woman. You like the venue so much? then go for it! when the big day comes, I assure you, it will never cross your mind

I agree with *JoJo85*. I think its completely natural that you feel disappointed about having found this out, but I think its also important to remember that the ex hasn't don't anything wrong by getting married at this venue before you - she's probably the one who would feel annoyed by it! So there shouldn't really be any reason to hold any hostility towards her - as you say its just a bit of an unfortunate coincidence.

So if you take a step back and think about what this actually means, maybe you'll see its not such a big deal. Other than the feeling of disappointment you have (which is understandable, given the history), there is nothing which will actually ruin your big day - its not like she's invited, or she's getting married on the same day and inviting mutual friends, and your fiancé has done nothing wrong either. The point I'm getting at is that its all within your control to make your special day everything you've dreamed of. Who cares if she got married there first? She didn't have your friends and family there, or certainly your man! So start dreaming about photos of these instead, because they are what matters.

I can completely sympathise with a situation with lingering exes (fortunately not with my H2B) and how you cant help but feel slightly competitive with them. But she's out of your lives now, and I bet she wasn't thinking of you or your fiancé on her wedding day - so you shouldn't think about her either. Don't let this change any decisions you would otherwise make about your wedding, and just be happy and content that you are getting to marry the man you love!

This^^^^^^

Couldn't have said it better.

You clearly liked the venue so why shouldn't you get married there. The photos won't look the same. You're different people with a different photographer and different guests.

You have nothing to do with her and neither does your OH. it's unfortunate and i understand you're uncomfortable about it, but imo changing your entire wedding would give her a more important place in your life than she deserves.

It's perfectly understandable that you feel aggrieved that your Fiance's significant ex has married at a place you feel to be 'your venue'. It's understandable becasue many of us get a little over-invested in planning our weddings (myself included) but you must know that your FH, Mum and bridesmaid are completely right and it should make no difference to you. You are marrying the man you love: it really doesn't matter who has walked on the venue carpet previously! i hope you can put this behind you quickly so you can get on with your day, your wedding, your groom!

Thanks for everyone's advice. It has really helped getting everyone's perspective. We went for the food tasting at our venue the other night and it was so good and the service was fantastic that I have put all the worries I had to the back of my mind. It is such a great venue and we have chosen it for our own special reasons so I'm not going to change that

Fab news! So glad you had a good time at the tasting and fell back in love with the venue!!

You'll have an amazing day.

Good for you!! Well done x