Family disagreements

I feel quite lucky in this respect: my father is paying for the reception but it isn’t turning into a drama. I think this is for several reasons. Firstly, three of my sisters are already married, which means that the “you need to invite x to the wedding” and the “wedding cakes MUST have a fruit cake tier” has already been done! Secondly, no one seems to dare argue with me - the way they put it, I’ve always known what I wanted and have always been determined to get it. So my mum and dad, regardless of how they are contributing, are happy with my choices. Although I have been willing to compromise with some things.

I think you need to speak to your dad directly and without other family members around. If he is the one paying, then he deserves a bit of a say in some elements. But, as your father, he should also be willing to listen to your thought ps and do what makes you happy. Like you, I don’t want dancing at all, and my dad doesn’t mind because he knows it will make me unhappy.

Maybe, if possible, you could organise a wedding for the next couple of months so that there are guest limits!!

Thanks ladies, I am finding this hard. My partner only wanted a small wedding with like 40 people now the guest list is over 100. I’m actually autistic and concerned it will be too much noice, I don’t like people looking at me and struggle with social interaction but my farther doesn’t seem to understand that. That’s for the advice will try on his own. I think it must be hard as I am his only daughter and he has this idea of what a perfect wedding is in his head.

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Write down everything you want to say - factual and calm in manner - so that if things get emotional then you can hand it over so he can read your concerns are. A perfect wedding is what makes the bride and groom happy. Regardless of being his only daughter, you and your fiancé should be the most important thing.

Frankly, if this were me and my dad were trying to impose things upon me that I knew wouldn’t work for me, then I would be strongly considering calling it off and having a small wedding that you pay for yourself. And maybe say that to your dad!

I say this as someone who equally doesn’t do well with noise and social situations! I totally get where you’re coming from and I really hope this gets sorted out for you!

That's the problem with accepting money from people - so often, it comes with the expectation that they can control what happens! But this isn't just adding a few guests to the list - your wedding is now more than double the size you originally wanted! It's time to have a clear discussion with your father. First, decide with your fiancé what compromises you are prepared to accept (e.g. you only want 40 guests, your father wants 100, so could you compromise on 60?) and what you are not. Then, based on what you decide as a couple, have a conversation with your dad. Hopefully, he will realise that his enthusiasm for your wedding is taking over, and turning it into something that you are not happy with. If not, I suggest you cancel your venue booking and have either an elopement or an immediate-family-only simple ceremony.

Yeah that's true