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Beginner March 2020

Family drama - am I worried over nothing?

GreenIvyRedBerries20, 21 of January of 2020 at 23:47 Posted on Planning 0 2

Wedding is 6 weeks ago, and over the past few weeks everytime I call my mum she keeps going on about how my dad's wife is going to/might kick off on the day of our wedding. She is really starting to stress me out as she keeps labouring the point, I know she wants me to have a fab day and doesn't want anyone to ruin it, but this is just making me worry more!!

For background - my mum and dad divorced when I was 3 after a long affair my dad had. It was messy divorce which involved the "other woman" stalking my mum, phoning her up constantly, leaving nasty voicemails and damaging cars/property. My mum has been left with severe mental health issues due to the trauma (she was pregnant with my sister at the time).

Fast forward and my dad is still with this woman, they got married in July hastily after myself and my fiance announced our wedding date (our whole family are convinced this was so I could not dispute her attendance at my wedding).

I initially didn't invite my dad's wife, but after my dad threatened not to come without her my mum reluctantly agreed it was ok providing she sat at the other side of the room and they were kept seperate... Happy days... Or so I thought... It has just been drama ever since.

I am not going to lie, I have also been worried about my dad's wife causing arguements. She is very outspoken and likes to be centre of attention, especially after she has had a drink. Nearly 80% of the people going to my wedding cannot stand her (including my dad's mum, although she won't say it to my dad), and I'm worried this will cause tension

What if she says something that upsets someone? What if she comes to try and ruin my day?

We had issues before my dad's wedding as she didn't include myself or my sister (both bridesmaids) In the planning, hen do, outfit choices and hairstyles despite my health condition needed slight adjustments etc. This caused a row 2 days before my dad's wedding which spiralled out of control after I said my nan was also upset... It was all resolved and the wedding went so smoothly with no hiccups, but I can't help think she may want karma and may seek that on my wedding day.

Does anyone have any advice? I have spoken to my dad once about this and he just brushes it off as if it wouldn't happen, but she has kicked off at every family wedding bar her own after she has had a couple of drinks, one so bad she required escorting home. Should I talk to them both again? Should I do it with my fiance or alone?and how do I deal with my mum's fears?

2 replies

Latest activity by ExpensiveBrownCars41211, 3 of February of 2020 at 10:24
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    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Sending you a big cyber-hug that you are having to deal with this hassle just before your wedding. Families can be the limit!

    It sounds as if your mum is feeling very insecure about your dad's new wife being at the wedding - and I can totally understand that, given the past history. Maybe ask her if there is anything else you can do to make it easier for her? When she raises these worries, try focusing on the good things about this wedding that can't be changed by your dad's wife, however she behaves - like the fact that you and your fiance will be married and starting a new life together. And that her behaviour can't change the relationship between you and your mum either.

    It might be worth having another conversation with your dad. Maybe just the two of you. Tell him that it's important to you for him to be there, but that you are really concerned about his wife's behaviour bearing in mind her track record. Concerns about her spoiling the wedding may be heard by him as you not wanting HIS wife to spoil YOUR wedding, and he may not want to listen to that out of loyalty to her. But maybe if you point out that this wedding is the ideal time for a new start and hopefully building a better relationship between his new wife and the family, he will be more accepting. And you can then say that if she upsets people as she has done at previous family events, it will stop this happening and cause further division, and that this would make you very sad.

    If he's not the kind of person who will sit quiet and hear you out, you might be better off writing him a letter, even if you give it to him in person and sit with him while he reads it.

    I hope everything goes much better than you are expecting, and that all your family forget their differences and pull together to give you a special day. Best wishes x

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  • Paula @ Ollievision
    Paula @ Ollievision ·
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    The main thing is that your dad needs to be there for the ceremony. If she kicks off you need 2-3 male friends on standby to remove her from the premises, then fetch your dad to take her home. She won't have chance to kick off until at least after the ceremony!

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    ExpensiveBrownCars41211 ·
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    I must agree with Paula. If you think you need to have her at the wedding (for whatever reason), just have a bunch of friends keep an eye on her from a distance in case she tries something funny. That's basically my solution, unless you trust your father to be objective and stop her from doing anything. If your father is reliable, you don't need to worry, if you have doubts, just tip the security and ask them to keep an eye on her.
    Much love to you for what you're going through

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