My partner's parents are divorced and it was a messy one. A lot of his family haven't seen or spoken to his Mum in a long time and even her side of the family has minimal contact and a few years ago, she made contact and he began seeing her regularly and she seemed genuinely interested to rebuild the relationship.
We discussed inviting her to the wedding and he said she was his Mum, he wants her to be there but was always cautious about how his family would take it and if she would ruin the day. Which I understood but told him I'm sure everyone can put aside their differences for him and come together to celebrate his wedding.
He did speak to his Dad and at the time, he told him he and his new wife wouldn't mind her attending, so we assumed all would be fine to invite her and were no longer cautious about her coming.
Fast forward now - his Dad directly discussed with me about him inviting her out of no where, trying to sway my opinion of her and convince me she isn't a nice person, implied she could single handedly ruin our wedding and made it fairly obviously none of his family would like her to be there and I responded by explaining it was not my decision to make, but my partners and I know that he wanted her to attend. Despite this, he continued to discuss it making me feel incredibly embarrassed. He has now made us feel incredibly torn as to invite her or not and has given my partner this massive decision to make and now feels as if the success of our day depends purely on whether or not his mum should be invited. We both want her there and thought his family would put their differences aside for just one day to support him, but now we are thinking otherwise. We do not want to upset or isolate anyone, but feel as if our hand is being forced into who we should or shouldn't invite to the wedding.
Not only this, but he then went on to be quite negative about the wedding. My parents are (unexpectedly) assisting quite a lot with the wedding, which his family know and in order to afford our venue, we need to sell several rooms available at the venue. His Dad went on to say we wouldn't be able to sell all of them and need to bear that in mind. My partner explained my parents would potentially be paying for several rooms and said 'I'm sure you'll pay for a room as well' and his Dad replied asking why would he, he lives 2 miles away from the venue, it's pointless. It isn't that we expect anything from them but even my partner was taken back by his reaction - as he assumed they'd like to spend the evening with us and reduce the hassle of having to find transport home and assumed they would want to make the most of the day and evening. He also went on to say that we should invite a majority of my family and friends as they are not local so can book all of the rooms.
They know that my parents have offered to pay for a substantial amount and I'm starting to feel as if they have the mentality that someone else will pick up the bill. My parents have always been very welcoming of my partner and have also spend time, energy and a lot of money in to our relationship. We are a young couple and don't have a huge amount of disposable income, so they have previously paid for us on days out and meals with them, on top of paying for us to go abroad on my birthday one year. It's not that I'm annoyed they aren't paying out for the wedding but more I feel bad for my parents that they've been so generous without actually being asked and his parents (dad and step-mum) seem so uptight about even booking a room to help us out in the slightest. I would have thought that even just booking a room, to help us out, would have been something quite simple and kind to do for one of the biggest days of their sons life as they know weddings are not cheap. Again - I expect no hand outs, I haven't asked anyone to contribute to the cost of the wedding, all help has been offered and not sought after.
I am now feeling extremely negative about the wedding and I feel like I've been scaremongered in to not inviting his Mum to the wedding as well as wanting to turn down the help my parents have offered us due to principle of it not being fair on them.
I would just like some advice as I'm really confused, angry and hurt.
