Family member declined rsvp

Sorry if that is harsh but if she didn't want to be with you on your wedding day and the food was the kicker then frankly I wouldn't want her there now that she likes the food, it is a ridiculous reason to decline and your family need to have a word with themselves. Is your day, and if you cannot add any more people then that is all there is to it. Maybe they should have put pressure on the guest to not be so picky!

I agree with Charlotte. It's a ridiculous reason to decline over food options. If she genuinely wanted to be there for you, she wouldn't have declined in the first place.
I have family with all kinds of dietary restrictions and not one declined. I even have an Aunt who flies back from America 4 hours before my ceremony and is still coming. If your grandma's sister really wanted to be there, she would have accepted in the first place, no matter what. You have venue restrictions and she declined. Therefore she doesn't come now.

If you really want to attend someone's wedding, you come regardless of what food is on offer. I can't remember the last time I was able to eat a proper, enjoyable meal at a reception due to dietary restrictions (I usually come away from weddings absolutely starving due to not being able to eat much all day!!!) but it doesn't matter because I'm going to support the people I love, not to stuff my face. I just take a snack with me if I'm concerned I won't be able to eat enough of the meal to keep me from keeling over.

You definitely should not add this person on to the guest list - apart from anything else, what are you going to do if no one else drops out?

View quoted message Yes I’m a bit upset because the vegetarian option is what I’m having on the day & my wedding is quite small because I only wanted people who truly love and support us there.. but I’m being heavily pressured and by family members now and some are saying they’ll drop out so that they can come.. to the point I just want to give up on the whole thing now (dramatic I know just so fed up!)

View quoted message
I know its hard when family pressure but you need to be strong and just say no. My mum has a tendency to try and interfere and there have been a few occasions in the planning process where she has tried to get involved where I didn't want her to. I had to get quite stern with her and just say this is my wedding the decisions made are mine and my fiancé's and that's the end of it. There will be no discussion about it, that's it.
It can be hard to do. But this is your day! It's yours and your partners and no one else has the right to intervene. Don't let family pressure or stress you out. I would say that it doesn't matter who drops out, she's still not coming. That the end of it. Once people realise they can't change your mind, they will drop it.
Don't let them ruin this for you. It's all about you and your partner and its such a lovely time. I hope you can sort it and just enjoy being a bride. 😊

View quoted message Thanks all, I really needed to hear this. Will take a breather, calm down and deal with it all head on this week. I think it’s time for the people pleasing on my end to stop & I just accept that some feathers will be ruffled right now, but that’s ok in the long run.

You are only dealing with the consequences of her actions. You generally can't go back on an RSVP. I have heard that there are always drop outs in the week running up to any wedding (unfortunately) but I personally wouldn't be able to handle the stress of waiting to see if that happens (and I wouldn't want to feel like I was hoping someone I wanted there wasn't going to show up). Can she just come to the ceremony if she really wants to see you get married, and you can explain that as she originally declined it's now not possible for her to have a meal. I know it's too late for this advice, but this can be one of the downsides of telling people too much about the details of your day. If your family didn't know about the change in food options they might not have had the opportunity to change their mind (in your grandma's sister's case) or put pressure on you. I have nearly run into trouble a couple of times due to this.

View quoted message

Just keep telling them that you are not making any further changes to the guest list - if they drop out, they will not be replaced by anyone else.

We had so many threats of 'if x isn't invited, then I'm not coming' or 'I think you should invite y, so I'm cancelling my acceptance so that they can come', and we ignored them all. In the end, no one carried out their threat not to come. But to be honest, if they had done, it wouldn't have bothered me that much. Anyone who plays these kinds of manipulative games is not the kind of person you really need at your wedding in the first place!

Just remember, you are not responsible for other peoples' behaviours, only your own. Stick to your decisions and ignore the drama llamas. (And I 100% agree with PPs who suggest putting everyone on an information diet - literally EVERYONE will have an opinion on your wedding, but if they don't know the details, they can't start arguing with you to change them. Just keep trotting out phrases like 'we're keeping that a secret so it's a surprise on the big day' and 'we're not sharing details in advance to keep the wedding more exciting'.

View quoted message Honestly that is such a great point I have been giving people way too much input & kicking myself about telling people about the changed menu options. Definitely will be no more comms from me on details from now on as it’s true it always causes more problems when I share info and opinions keep flooding in every time.


I have decided I am probably going to let them attend (reluctantly) just to avoid the drama but I’m going to learn from this and enforce some boundaries going forward.
Thanks everyone

I agree with Charlotte. I think sometimes people really do forget how much time money and effort goes into a wedding and so can come across as insensitive or thoughtless... At the end of the day she made her decision, she can't expect you to change it all around now at the last minute! X

There will always be a few who try to interfere. Mil has tried 'but you NEED to invite so and so' and fh has stood firm thankfully.
Ive everyone on a strict diet of need to know too lol. Mainly cos my mother is a pita and has made issue out of things that werent an issue at all and the ils are very judgey about money - they dont like to spend it lol.
Its your day done your way. Do what you want. Good luck on your big day!

Wow !! The rudeness to decline because they don’t like what’s On the menu! If they cared about you at all they would just be happy to see you be married An put up with the food for the sake of a day! It’s would be a flat out “no you are no longer invited from me!” I’m so shocked someone would be so cheeky if I’m honest!

I have been a fussy eater all my life. You make sure to have a big breakfast and pack a bag of crisps or two! I wouldn't cancel for such a silly reason.

I would suggest saying you can't let her know until a week before, and only if anybody drops out. That way, everybody is aware of the situation. You won't reinstate the invite UNTIL somebody else confirms they can no longer attend.

Good luck x