Family not coming!

It really P's me off that weddings are such a complete minefield. You can't please everyone yet no one seems to think it's expensive and venues have maximum numbers etc. You certainly find out who your friends are and which family hold you dear.

I could say you should say I'm sorry it meant a lot to us for you to be there but because of xyz I can't invite everyone. Tbh I think why should I have to start begging people to come stay bl00dy home!

Another load of poo you didn't need. Sorry. Hug.

Poor you. You'd think some people would take a step back and see why you've made that decision, or at least speak to you about it. Surely sometimes it nice to have a night away from the kids?

Dont let it upset you too much, draw line under it and concentrate on happy things x

Hello, just wanted to post for a bit of moral support really!

You have every right to be heart broken, I would be too, perhaps more so at the chosen method of communication than the decision - I'm sure a phone call would have gone down a bit better as you could have all talked. From personal experience it may be easier to take the moral high ground in the sense that you avoid cutting ties (we have a similar situation in our family and it's a bloody nightmare!) hats not to say you have to be all sweet and say 'no problem' with a big smile on your face, but I'd perhaps let things cool off before making longer term decisions.

Have a big glass of wine, a bit more of a rant and the. Focus on the happy things - this now means you have more space to invite friends you maybe couldn't fit before? Or if you haven't got any one else you want to ask it means you get a bit of budget back to redistribute onto something el you really want (even if it's not - dare I say it - wedding related! Hehe)

when we had our little situation like this my h2b said for him the only person that actually matters coming for the day is me (soppy but it did earn him the brownie points he was looking for!) everyone else, as much as we want them there lots and the day with them matters hugely to both of us, ultimately it's the two people getting married who matter more than anything.

good luck, and remember it'll all be ok xx

I have to say I'm finding the guest list the hardest part!

You try not to offend anyone, but like previous post there's only so far your budgets and venue can stretch to.

Its my evening list I'm finding the hardest!

Also my partner hasn't got a huge family where as mine is - but iv'e not gone down the whole second cousin great aunt route- we've just done immediate family and a small selection of friends.

I feel terrible for my h2b as his parents are on the older side and have openly said they aren't staying for the evening do! Which means a lot of the day guests on his side will also go- i feel so sorry for him as when the evening guests show up they'll all see his parents aren't there. We've got two children, and i just cant imagine ever saying this to them in years to come.

So i feel your pain- but as my partner keeps saying, as long as we're there and our kiddies we're what matters for that day and sometimes you have to be selfish and do what's best for you- so try not to be too upset by it all x

Oh, I'm sorry to hear this! I'd be really upset too (I'm annoyed enough with family pulling out of my hen do either at the last minute or after final numbers have been submitted and paid for!). We are inviting children because my dad was keen that we did but to be honest I'd have preferred not too, it really steps up the cost (we have 20 children coming at £12.50 a head, we found out this week that if we want the children to have a drink on arrival we have to pay seperately, also chair cover for children are not included so that's another £60 so the cost is more like £18 per head just for the day time - that is a lot for chicken nuggets, chips and ice cream!). I can totally see where you are coming from, even if they really felt they couldn't come with out the children surely there are better ways to tell you! It annoys me how thoughtless people can be at times. Chin up petal x

I know the feeling. I've had the same and I must admit when I found out for certain my family wasn't coming I sat and cried all night. The next day though I was like "why should I change my plans to suit you, this is our day and we are having it the way we want to have it". It is cutting and I completely emphasise with you. But as one of the other commenters says take it in your stride. If they can't organise themselves in advance and respect your decision and despite you having made the effort in the past; f**k them. Our friends have been the complete opposite and love the idea of having a night off without worrying what their little ones are up to and can have a few beers and relax. That to me shows me who we are important too which has eased it for me.

Yep, my h2b has a big family so we planned to ask his sisters and their partners to the wedding and the nieces and nephews (all grown up) and their kids to the evening bash only. Now they've all basically said invite us all to the whole of the day or we won't be coming as it's not worth it - grrrr

So I gave in and rearranged everything and rearranged our budget etc only to now be told most probably won't come either way, you just can't win. I'm gonna go with what WE want and ignore the lot of them!

When is your wedding? I would say this is just a gut/tit for tat reaction to finding out no children, your Aunty doesn't speak for everyone (i'm sure they have their own minds and opinions!)

Have you sent your invites out yet? If not then I suggest editing the following wording (it worked so well with us that even people that originally kicked up a stink then said it makes sense!)

Can we bring plus ones/Children?
We would love to have everyone attend our special day, unfortunately we are limited on numbers so it’s named guests only and children under 1. We may be able to accommodate plus ones/children once we have final numbers in May so please contact us and we will try our best!

If you have already sent invites then maybe if cousin's ask then you explain the similar to the above. By the sounds of it it's toys out of a pram wait til the rest of the family actually respond for themselves.

Can I just weigh in on the other side of this for a moment please. The days about you and you chose not to have kids there. Surly you’d realise some wouldn’t come? My cousin who’s always been like my brother has said no kids in his wedding and whilst I respect the reasons why and I was absolutely devastated to decline but I couldn’t go. All my childcare would have been in the wedding and the in-laws were away. Our close friends were due to have their baby and my best friend - as amazing as she is with my toddler I would be on pins leaving them all day . It hurt me and it still hurts but it is what it is. I bet it’s hurting them as much as it is you. I