Far away wedding- but not abroad?

Hi,

I'm English and my partner is Scottish so we had to decide which end of the country to marry in. We've ended up having it in England as we love the church where my parents live and because as the bride I think it's more normal to be married close to home.

My OH invited less people than I did but all his guests got invited to the whole day. Unfortunately some couldn't make it which is sad for him and I do feel guilty but he's got his whole immediate family here even his sister who lives overseas and only a few of those that aren't coming are ones he really would've liked there.

Whichever way you choose some people aren't going to make it but hopefully the people that you care about will be there with you.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

We're both from NI but live in Scotland, and that's were we are having our wedding. So all of our guests have to travel to a different country. Flight and hotel for people for 2 nights, 3 days will be costly, but we didn't want to plan it from afar and wanted it where we live. My parents aren't too happy, but the most important people will always be there/make as much as an effort as they can to come, so just do what you want to do.

I don't think it's unacceptable to ask at all. I think with any invitation which involves cost to the guest you need to be prepared for (and accepting of) the fact that some people will not be able to make it though.

It also depends on your guests. We shoot weddings all the time where there will be friends or family who've travelled over from distant shores, yet we struggled to get most of our lot to travel an hour over the Essex/Kent border for ours.

We live in Scotland but got married at the opposite end of the country and although some couldn't make it majority did and made a holiday out of it, we did however try to keep costs down so had camping on site which most of our scottish friends did.

The only thing you will have to do is spend 8 days at least in the district for giving notice. You also can't have a legal humanist wedding in England and have to be married in a registered venue/church in England compared to Scotland.

Hey, thanks for your reply!

Yes I am gutted about the Humanist part- it was what we had planned. We are considering our options to either have a quick ceremony before at the registry office or just go with a registrar.

First I have heard about this 8 day rule- oh no- can you give me more info about it so I can look it up please? Hadn't even realised!

Where did you get married in the end?

For us because we lived in Scotland to give notice in Cambridgeshire the easiest thing was for us to have a holiday. The 8 day rule it's for giving notice - if you are there for 8 days then you count as living in the district therefore can get married there. You can do it where only one of you does this but because you can only get an exemption letter 3 months prior in Scotland it was easier to spend a week on holiday (we stayed with the in-laws and they provided us with a letter). If you both or one of you live in the district of the other venue then you don't have to do this.

We got married in Cambridgeshire which we always planned to do because OH had elderly grandparents and is from there.

On being able to afford the travel - if you give people enough notice (+6 months) they can get really good fares - <£30 return (I'm basing this Newcastle to London). Depending on age there are discounts available - mine are both pensioners. As far as I am aware there are discounts on the onward journeys i.e. to Rye.

Even if not there are great deals out there.

We live in the north of England and got married in Scotland - admittedly just over the border! My family are all around here so it was around a 2hr drive but my H's family are more widespread. His uncle lives in the south of England and drove for 5hrs to be there, but his aunt couldn't make it cos of work and childcare - so you will probably have people in similar situations. I don't think it's unacceptable to ask your guests to travel, as long as you're aware that some won't be able to for various reasons, and you don't feel too upset about it.

I think you need to accept that if they are already expressing reservations then they may not travel. You could see what airports your local budget airline flies to and book a venue nearby.

I remember a bride, possibly on Facebook, a while ago. She was devastated that, after booking her dream venue of a Scottish castle, her family had no intentions of travelling there. But they had been honest all along... she just kept hoping it would all be OK.

You can ask them and invite them, but they can decline.

My family are all from the north of the England, and I even have family in Ireland, but me and my OH will be getting married right at the bottom of the country in Cornwall.
My family, while finding it a little more difficult, have done everything possible to make sure they can come, but funnily enough it was my OH's family who expressed their reservations. They live two hours away from the venue in Devon and think it's too far to travel.
We only have two weeks left for them to RSVP and we've only received a quarter back from his family. ☹️

So from my experience, I think it depends on what your family are like. Mine are always travelling to see each other while my OH's family barely see each other once a year.

We live in Central Scotland, and we travelled to Lowestoft for a wedding in January when it was snowing. We drove 11 hours there, stayed for 3 nights then 9 hours back. It was exhausting getting there, but it was OH's family so a numb bum was a small sacrifice for his happiness at seeing his family!

People who can be there, will be there. Having a wedding further away means that you need to accept that not everyone you want there will be there.