Favour wording- honest opinions please xx

Ok so my OH calls me soft, but usually I hate wedding poems (like those ones about not giving gift but asking for money etc)

But this made me tear up! I think it's important to get across to your guests the meaning of what you're giving as your favours and I think this is lovely!

Im no poetry connoisseur but it made an impact on me :-)

as I say tho, I'm a sap! I think it's lovely.

xx

Thankyou. I didn't know if it was a bit too heavy but like you say, I wanted to get the reason for the seeds known. Btw, I forgot to mention, poppies were her favourite flowers hence choosing those and not forget me nots xx

There will be so much joy in your day, I think it's right to takes moment to remember who is missing. I think this is a perfect way to do it.

my OH's father passed away 14 years ago and as a nod to him and his naval career we are cutting the cake with his ceremonial dress uniform sword!

Xx

Hi! I think this is lovely! It's hard to create a poem from scratch, you've done a great job and I think it does get your message across and the meaning behind the choice without it being too heavy.

If you don't mind I have a couple of suggestions which may make a couple of parts of it flow a bit better. No worries if you don't like them though:

...Our search for the perfect thing,

Has ended with a poppy, (or has ended with this poppy)...

...We hope that you will plant these seeds,

In a patch of soil,

Just water them when they need....

...Once the poppies... (no 'And')

Hope this helps

Thanks for the tips :0) xx (nodoubt I will reread with fresh eyes and tweak abit a few times anyway lol- I can never leave thins as they are lol xx

That's a lovely poem and a really nice idea

No probs. it's really lovely anyway!

Honestly, I think the poem's a bit twee and naff. It doesn't scan perfectly and some of the rhymes are rather forced - as you might find in a money poem.

The idea, however, is lovely. But I would express it in a couple of simple sentences rather than a poem.

What a nice idea and a Lovely poem, did you think of it yourself?

my mum died 6 yrs ago, we are having Queen 'your my best friend' as our first dance in tribute to her, she loved Queen. All Queen songs remind me of her.

Amazing. x

It's a lovely poem. I think the second stanza is unnecessary and I think that leaving it out would help to get rid of the 'tweeness' that was mentioned in an earlier post. However, I do really like the "please give a thought to the bride and groom, for whom this means so much" bit.

I think take out this line as it doesn't flow with the rest of the poem (perhaps due to the word daft) otherwise it's PERFECT and lovely ignore those who said it was naff they are just rude!

"No jewels, no chocs to savour,

I believe the OP distinctly requested honest opinions? I don't think calling posters rude for giving an opinion that was asked for is fair.

It's fair enough to say you are not a fan of poems but to call her poem "naff" is harsh and unnecessary - she's clearly worked hard on it and said she was emotional about it so no need to call the poem naff. People can just say they don't like poems without criticising her actual writing

Ignore my last comment...

Our search for the most perfect things

Has ended with the poppy.

Some weren't able to play a part

And when these poppies start to bloom

It would be a useless opinion to say "I don't like poems" though, wouldn't it? Some kind of reason or justification for why I don't think that particular poem works would be more useful, no?

To be honest if you had said "I'm not a fan of poems as I think they can sometimes sound twee/naff" then it wouldn't have sounded as bad however you said her one was naff which is a criticism of her actual writing which I believe is unnecessary.

So in a thread where honest opinions are requested on a specific piece of writing, we shouldn't give honest opinions on that specific piece of writing?

Now now ladies simmer down lol!!

Thankyou to those jumping to my defence (I'm not sure that is actually the phrase I'm looking for but hey, it's late ;0) ) I do appreciate the support. However, I did ask for honest feedback and don't take offence easily so welcome any feedback at all.

Just to update, I read it to my OH then mailed it to his sisters and they all love it so that's what counts ultimately.

Thankyou all for your comments :0)

Xx

Hi! :0)

I did wonder that myself, and now I see it written down I agree with you... Thankyou :0D xx

It's ok glad I could help a bit. It's a lovely piece of writing though.

I know it's a forum so you probably didn't pay attention to punctuation and grammar but if it's written down (on a card/tag) at the wedding then keep an eye on them. I know I'm a grammar nazi but I can't turn off the English teaher in me, and it'd be such a shame if your guests noticed a missing apostrophe rather than appreciating the sentiment

Haha! Not that you'd believe it from the poem, but I too am somewhat of a grammar freak- I feel physically queasy when I see professionally created signs, documents or websites which failed to apply the basic rules of grammar! There seem to be so many shops selling pizza's or a jacket potatoe or something equally annoying lol! I did self correct every element once I typed the poem on the computer and realised just how many errors there were in the original pad draft which I had posted here- so no, you're not on your own ;0)

Xx

I think the sentiment behind it is lovely but I am not a fan of this sort of poem at all. To me, they never sound sincere because of the need to force stanzas and rhymes. (I prefer Yeats, Donne or Auden!)

As a guest I would be more touched by a couple of sentences describing your reason for choosing the poppies.

(and you might be offending anyone who chose a keyring as a favour)

I have to say, I agree with this. The sentiment is absolutely lovely and I feel that it's lost a bit in a poem? Does that make sense?

As AC says, I would love a few lines about the fact that it was her favourite flower. I just wonder if such an important subject needs clearer explanation that you're not going to get when you're trying to make it rhyme?

I love the poem but I didn't understand the reasoning behind poppy seeds until you added this as a comment. Could it go in the poem somewhere, about it being her favourite flower?

I confess I didn't actually read the whole of the poem...as soon as I see an initial rhyming couplet my poetry snobbery kicks in and and I give up. Therefore, any meaning would be lost for me, even if it was clear.

What's wrong with

"In memory of Jane Smith. mother of the groom, who loved poppies"

That just brought tears to my eyes.

AC managed to say what I was thinking, but in a much more diplomatic way.

I totally disagree. Poetry snobbery is (no offenece) an excuse for people who know nothing about poetry and can't be bothered with it. Some of the greatest poets have used rhyme and awkward rhyme at that; Shakespeare, Poe, Blake, Keats, Shelly, Duffy, Armitage etc etc. all have used rhyme. The point of poetry is the image that is created, and I think this poem creates a lovely image.

I think that this is much more poignant.

Well, I take enormous offence at this. How dare you say I know nothing about poetry or cannot be bothered with it? If you knew me, you'd know how VERY far from the truth you are and I find your comments utterly insulting.

Whilst you are, of course, entitled to your opinion of the OP's poem, that stands for all of us. and there is no need at all to get personal.

I apologise for any offence caused but quotes like "...as soon as I see an initial rhyming couplet my poetry snobbery kicks in and and I give up" says, to me, that you know very little about poetry. Perhaps that's due to my poetry snobbery kicking in.