Fearing wedding planning ; My family dislike him

I'm really sorry you are going through all the family drama. The only advice I can offer is not to worry about it just now - 2020 is a long way away, you have lots of time before you even have to think about guest lists and invites.

My gran initially said she wouldn't come to mine if I invited both my mum and my aunt because they don't get along and she is worried they will argue and embarrass her which devastated me. In the last 2 months I have sought her opinion on everything, dragged her along to look at venues, discussed catering options and listened to band demos and she seems to have forgotten that she said she's not coming, I think she may be more excited than me tbh.

Your nan may change her opinion and respect your wishes, give her time to realise that it's about you two getting married and not just another family get together.

if your family are always asking where your h2b is it might be worth trying to encourage him to go to smaller family events to try and Mend the relationship with a few of your close family members eg. Sunday dinner at your parents or something similar. Maybe if he feels he has a few of them who have his back he might eventually consider some larger events with you.

with regards to the thing with your uncle... I fully agree with your fiancé. You could have been arrested and charged with possession of a deadly weapon. I'm not sure I would want this person anywhere near me let alone at my wedding.

Hi, firstly congratulations on your engagement - it seems like you have both been through a lot, which shows that you are a strong couple!

I can't relate entirely to your situation, but also have a lot of family drama. Not between my side and finances side, but with my mum and dads side of their families. I understand that this can make things difficult as family politics really put the pressure on when organising a wedding. I have decided to not include a lot of family members (aunts and cousins mostly) that have caused a lot of family anguish as I wouldn't want this to ruin our special day. And to be honest, we aren't that close so they wouldn't be missed.

Your guests will just need to realise that, if they love you (which I'm sure they do), they will have to suck it up! I would say that I do think you and your fiancé need to have the conversation early on, no matter how difficult this is for him. If you absolutely want your uncle and cousin there you need to be on the same page. If not, its for you both to decide and hopefully your nan will come around. Your wedding is a long way off, so there is time!

Is it just the uncle and cousin that cause the problem? Since they appear to hate him I can’t see why they’d want to come to the wedding or why you’d want them there. Don’t invite them. Everyone’s a winner. Problem solved, you’re welcome.

Seriously, adults can be so childish. Don’t rise to it. Let them do what they have to do and you just get on with your wedding. And 2020 is time enough for things to ease.

Is the problem with all of your family or just the uncle and the cousin in France?

If it's just them, leave them out, that knife stunt is justification enough and anyone who thinks that's a suitable joke needs their head checking. You could have hurt yourself, been arrested, lost your job, or all three. Not funny in my book. For some who don't see how serious it was, calmly explain: "a sharp knife was planted in my handbag, I almost cut myself on that knife and would have gotten into trouble at work -where I work with children, if I hadn't of noticed it" -state facts, don't accuse or get emotional and then it's harder to argue.

By leaving out the problem uncle, you can then (as mentioned above by other posters) attempt to repair some relationships and talk your nan round (the strategy mentioned above sounds like it would be good). You have plenty of time to build bridges.

Start small and work up, it may be hard, but it's a means to make things better in the long run. Mention how your family are missing him at certain events and how you would appreciate some support to encourage him along to some of the smaller ones to start off with. Then you can attempt to bridge the gap that has formed.

Failing that, just elope.

Oh gosh... this seems like one of those situations where you should just marry overseas. Pick somewhere in Europe where the few people you really want to attend can make a holiday out of it.

Thank you to everyone who posted. I did actually say that i could have lost my job, been hurt or arrested or all 3 but my whole family said i was being stupid and my feelings were invalid. I tried to cut myself off for a while but its causong more agro .

He has bad depression and wont go to any family events with me...and especially not now my whole family is coming ro all of the events lined up. I don't want ro go but i have to. I'm hoping he can come with me to my parents for christmas.

Its tricky because my whole family is coming over on boxing day including my uncle and my cousin. They have gifts for us both ... My fiancee doesnt know and i don't want to tell him as i will have to spend christmas at my parents with out him if he did know this. I feel guilty and mean but i don't want to spend it alone or for him to.

I was thinking about just a small wedding with our parents and a few friends. The rest of My family would hate that but i honestly just feel like i cant have my dream wedding anyway because of all this and would rather have no trouble then spend the day fearing somethings going to kick off. I know it won't go away in a few years. I don't feel like i can love my family the same way i did before the incident.

My fiancee is stuck in the past and won't change. Its taken a year for him to get a long woth my parents (we had issues with them as they were too controlling and other not nice stuff happened) .

My parents say sometimes that my fiancee is keeping me.away from them which is untrue. After my past and the incident i feel like i don'twant to be a big part of my family ... i don't feel part of it much and never have if I'm honest. The other day my mum said she's more closer to my sister than me...which explained a lot for me with my past and things.