Fed up.

Oh MetalBride Maybe try and break it down a little, what items/services in particular are highly priced (I know pretty much everything wedding related is expensive). Is your dress at your mum's house? I know it's not ideal but you get it altered without her knowing? Or at least have a look and come up with some ideas of how you will alter it.

At the end of the day it is YOUR wedding, you and your partner should have what you want. It's not your mum's or your family's day but I understand that is much easier said that out into practice. I've lost count of how many times I've been told "I know its your day, but..."

My mum actually told me that it's my wedding but it's not about my Oh and I, it's about my family and I don't have to enjoy it. She originally agreed to alter the dress with me, but now she wants to change the plan and keep it ivory, I wanted to add lots of red I feel like she's not even trying.

Oh bloody hell, I'm not really sure what else to say then :'( are you paying for the day yourself?

OK, so this may be controversial and some may disagree, but if I was in this position I would elope. Tell no one and just go and get married. You get the day you want with no one to keep disagreeing on your plans. Hell of a lot cheaper than feeding everyone! I feel bad for you and your OH that all of these obstacles keep cropping up. Or my second plan would be to write everything up into a letter, precise and to the point. Say this is how it's going to be, if you can't support that then you can't be involved. Which does sound harsh but I think it has to be an ultimatum.

This is your day, nobody else's and you deserve to have that wonderful experience.

X

I love the letter idea - if your mum see's it in black and white it might make her understand better. Would she rather not see you get married at all... x

Oh MetalBride, I feel for you in this situation, I really do!

My mum was also not keen on my changing my dress (adding blue) but I went ahead with one of my BM's mum to get the dress altered at a local place (my mum was working and couldn't make the appointment!) and it was really much less expensive than I thought it would be! Then she saw the dress and actually came round to the idea! If you happen to be local (Beds) I can recommend a place

We had MAJOR fall out with OH's family. I mean, remember, it's not just your day, it's OUR day also. Erm... No, actually, it's not! It was mainly over the guest list, they wanted 11 of their friends to be invited all day, plus another 4 Uncles/Aunts and partners that OH barely knows - because his dad only ever sees his brothers at weddings and funerals! They also harped on about tradition, didn't like any of our ideas, snide comments about our decor, lack of flowers, not having a top table, timings of me choosing BM dresses, etc....

We stuck to our guns and they had to suck it up. The advantage we had is that we accepted no financial assistance from anyone so no need to pander to any ridiculous requests!

It was HARD, and I'm not going to lie, at one point we looked into cancelling and eloping (with mum's blessing and recommendation!) but we would have lost almost the whole cost of the wedding...

We're actually not talking to OH's family, but that's a separate issue that arose from his sister getting herself uninvited to the wedding with a few weeks to go and them laying into my family to try and justify her actions in some backward way... But that's because of the kind of people they are.

Break it down and deal with one thing at a time. Think about what you and OH want, and do what YOU feel is right. If that's eloping because the stress is too much, then go ahead. If it means telling people to pipe down or get uninvited/excluded from the rest of the planning then so be it.

I have to say, that I had NO idea how much stress other people think it acceptable to place on a bride and groom before the wedding. And no idea to what lengths people will go to to get their own way when they have no right whatsoever...

YOUR wedding day is the one time you guys get to do it YOUR way, guilt free. You'll never please everyone, someone will always be unhappy with SOMETHING. The only people that shouldn't be unhappy is you and your OH.

I really hope things get better for you!

As everyone has said it's your day. Feel free to have it your way. I would take my dress to a dressmaker and just have it altered to how you want it to look. I think weddings seem to bring out the worst in a lot of people. Stick to your guns for what you want to do and ignore the jibes and only elope if it's what you want to do otherwise you are still being forced to have the sort of wedding you don't want. I eloped but never envisioned anything other than that.

Maybe if Mum saw your dress has disappeared and gone to be altered by someone else without her involvement it might bring her back round?

Lots of good advise above. Plus we are always here when you want a rant or need a virtual hug. x

I'm going to go against the grain a little. I would get the dress altered if you like, but just pay someone to do it to avoid friction. And perhaps just stop discussing details with your mum (unless she's paying) and get it all sorted, drama free. If they try and bring it up just say "It's all under control, it's going to be a great day and we're very excited". If they ask any questions, just say it's a surprise. I'm sure, on the day, they'll love it.

I think if you called it off you might regret it just as much as your (traditional, by the sounds of it) mother might be hurt by it. Reading stories about people falling out over a wedding makes me sad. A wedding is for one day, family is forever.

I NEVER take money off my mum, it's just not worth it. My friend is going to help me make the alterations that my mum is refusing to do which is great, so she can't really say anything until we've done. It's frustrating, I won't fall out with her over it I just won't answer her questions anymore.