Feeling a bit let down by my friends... please help...

This definitely isn't OT for WP, we're all here to help each other through the emotional stuff as well as the practical planning side.

I'm really sorry that you're feeling so down. I wouldn't take it too personally that people haven't been in contact. I'm sure that they don't mean to upset you it's just that life gets in the way and sometimes even those of us with the best intentions can't find the time to do the nice (right?) things.

The important thing now is to enjoy your party tomorrow and then enjoy your wedding planning x

Firstly, welcome.

I think it's entirely natural and normal what you're feeling - but as many of us here have found out whilst our engagement/wedding is the most exciting thing happening in our lives, it doesn't mean it is for our friends.

We've had plenty of disinterest from close family and friends, as our engagement was just a few weeks after my b2b's sister got married and they had excluded everyone deliberately from their planning so there was just the feeling that we'd do the same so why be interested to start with - which couldn't be further from the truth as we value their input.

Did you have much communication with your friends whilst you are away? I'm just wondering if there's a sense of "they've been swanning off round the world for six months, ignored us, now they get back and expect us to jump and come running immediately for a party" from some people?

People do change a lot, even in six months, and whilst you've been gone, they may have simply "moved on" - it happens all the time even when you're around, let alone away for an extended period.

It does suck that they haven't bothered to send a card - but then again, a lot of people don't "do cards" these days, and a quick text or message on Facebook is (rightly or wrongly) considered a good alternative.

I think that an engagement is a great thing but quite personal and whilst immeditae family get giddy, friends dont always share the excitement, not because they arn't happy for us but because they dont seem to mean as much toother people. although saying that i would have thought more people would come to your party simply because you'd been away. as for cards and congratulations, we got a few but not many, again for the reason above i imagine so i wouldnt worry about that, i dont think its personal, its just not what alot of people do.

as for the friend, id arrange to meet and have a chat about it, say it wasnt copying or meant to take away the attention from her, typical blokes not thinking these things through. say hed been planning on it for ages. im sure she will understand but you do need to mention it. i must admit i might feel like someone was taking my moment away from me if that happened to me but a few words will sort it straight away.

as for invites to the wedding, i wouldnt worry, dont take it personal buy hey, if you find youe drifted apart from these people by the time the wedding comes round jut invite them to the night do, friendships always drift apart afterall

I'm sorry it's not been the whirlwind experience from your friends that you'd hoped for. I suspect your recently engaged friend is a bit caught up in her own excitement and hasn't realised that she's not making the effort. If she's a good friend try and subtly explain this and that you want to be excited together. If she's not close enought to talk this through with then is her opinion that important?

As for the other friends if they've not been in that situataion before maybe they don't quite 'get it'. I didn't realise what a big deal it was until I'd been proposed to and now I'm the 1st to send off the congrats cards.

WSS

The two are not directly related - I have been to several engagement parties for couples who have never married. They would get a card from me.

We received a handful of engagement cards which was lovely but more so because we didn't expect any.

Perhaps they have their own lives to be getting on with. It is very exciting for you and your OH, but not necessarily for everyone else.

I found that when we announced our engagement I think we had a handful of friends who were happy and, even 1 year to go, we're finding not many people are excited yet, whilst I'm giddy!

You'll find people get giddy for you, but I've learnt the hard way in that people just get on with their own lives whilst you become a busy body and get your teeth sunk into planning hope the party goes well xxx

Welcome to Hitched! Congratulations on your engagement.

I think you need to 'handle it' but taking a deep breath, manning up and getting on with enjoying your engagement! I'm sure all of your friends are pleased for you but how people show that pleasure varies tremendously. As you are just back from your travels it is likely that those you have invited may have pre-existing plans or commitments that they must honour and so are unable to attend. It doesn't mean they like you any less, just that they are busy.

It might be that things have changed whilst you were away. Some people expect regular contact from their friends, others are more easy going, it depends on the nature of your friendship.

As for your friend who got engaged the week before, this is more tricky. As you'll be feeling, when you first get engaged it's very exciting, you want everyone to share in that excitement and you want to enjoy your time during which you feel like the most loved person in the world. Imagine how you might feel if someone stole your thunder and somehow took the gloss of that feeling? I'm not saying that it's right to feel like that but maybe she does. We could just as easily have a post on here from your friend saying she got engaged and then her friend did exactly the same the week after - people here may well be sympathising with her! Have you sent her a congratulations card yet?

It's all swings and roundabouts. I really think you should look forward to your party and look forward to reacquainting yourself with the friends you've not seen for 6 months. There'll be lots to catch up on and once you've done that, you may know more about their reasons for missing your party. Don't be too hard on people, everyone has a life to lead with its own trials and tribulations.

Welcome to Hitched! and Congratulations on your engagement!!

In regards to your OP - Your family will be super excited that your engaged, and maybe a couple of your really good friends, but on the whole, not that many people care and are really just waiting for the invitation to your wedding.

Me and my OH were the first of our friends to get engaged, and quite a few of them have got engaged since, and have got married in between times too! I was really excited for a few of my friends engagements, but others i actually wasn't that bothered about because i don't see them that often.

You've been away for a while, and you need to remember that people have been living while you were away so there is the potential that rebranding your "We're home!" party as an "engagement party" wasn't a good idea. People may think that your now expecting cards and present's and feel it's a bit cheeky of you, even though this is probably not your intention.

There is also the potential that the numbers could have dropped off anyway and it has nothing to do with your engagement.

Brilliant - thank you so much everyone for your down-to-earth advice... I guess I was just kindof getting caught up in the 'my whole world has changed' mentality, when realistically, the fact I am engaged is probably pretty low down on the list of priorities for most of our friends!! Thank you, I think I needed that.

All of your opinions and advice have been great;I am definitely just going to enjoy myself tomorrow with the people that can make it to the party, and catch up with the rest at another time.

I guess it's just a bit of a baptism of fire for me into all the politics of planning weddings, guestlists, picking bridesmaids etc etc - I think I am still getting used to the feeling of being engaged, and to be honest, I'm still feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all!

Re: my friend who got engaged the week before me - yes, I completely appreciate that she is probably a little (perhaps extremely) miffed at what could be perceived as 'stealing her thunder'. And, as I mentioned in my original post, I would have preferred to wait for a while afterwards before we did the same thing. But the truth is that I honestly had no idea whatsoever that my fiance was going to propose when he did, and there's not much I can do about it!! Perhaps he should have been a little more sensitive to the consequences given that she is my best friend, and his proposal may have been perceived a bit as a 'copycat'. But when he gets an idea in his head, he rarely stops to consider little things like that!! Haha. There isn't much I can do about it now, but I have invited her to go out for drinks just her and I so we can have a chat through everything, and I will explain that I'm really sorry the timing wasn't brilliant etc.

(By the way, the day she announced her engagement, I rang her as soon as I heard the news, then invited her and her fiance over to our flat and cooked them dinner, bought champagne, flowers and a card etc etc, so I did feel like I made a suitable 'fuss' of her. In return, I got a 5 word text message.)

Thank you all - you have really helped me I'll be a lot more humble from now on. Can it be that I'm edging into Bridezilla territory already?!! hahahah xx

Good to see you took it in the spirit the advice was intended. Enjoy being engaged before you get dragged into the real planning - it's a lot of fun but it just picks up speed the moment you get on the wedding train!

Have a good party!

Hello and welcome... don't want to repeat what anyone else here has said, so I won't, but I do agree with a lot of it.

Re engagement cards, we got a fair few, but mainly from family. Friends did send them but not immediately, we were getting cards through 2-3 weeks after engagement. We had a mini engagement party (our closest friends only) and they brought cards to the party.

The 50 people you have invited- are they all really good friends?

Re your friend who got engaged a week before, if I were you I would broach the subject with her and sau something like, "I really hope you don't think we are stealing your thunder by getting engaged just after you... my boyfriend had planned on doing it anyway." ... or something along those lines (i.e. explaining the situation truthfully!).

I had a friend who got engaged shortly after us (and their wedding is before ours too) but we didn't mind, we knew that they had been planning it for a while.