Feeling let down by my husband

Aww, sweetie. Im sorry you feel he has let you down but I personally think porn is a pretty natural thing for people to partake in watching. Would you have felt differently if he'd been honest from the start? Do you think he lied because he knew how you felt about it? I hope you can talk it out and move past it x

Hi MrsShep how are you?

It's the fact that he has lied to me, he knew how I felt but still carried on. Right now I can't even speak to him. I feel he has gone behind my back. X

I can't offer words of wisdom as I have no experience in this situation but I hope you can talk it through. I would assume it started as a white lie out of embarrassment and the longer you were together the harder it became to admit he watched it maybe?

Sorry that you're not getting on with your husband at the moment... I'm sure it's not a reflection on you or your relationship but more of a habit from before he even met you like he said. Sometimes men (and women) like some "alone time" and it's different to xxx or wanting xxx as it's completely self gratifying and doesn't take too long to achieve the desired effect.

Why not have an honest discussion with him about your xxx life and see if you are both happy or if there is anything you might like to try? Would you ever watch something with him? You might enjoy it or he might feel like it's so awkward and with the clandestine element gone just stop watching.

I would be upset at the secret, but I hope you can work it out.

I'm personally glad my H watches porn I couldn't keep up with him if he didn't! lol He obviously lied because he knew it would upset you but I don't think there's a man out there that doesn't watch porn (and there's plenty of women who like it too).

It personally doesn't bother me if the Hubs watches porn on the odd occasion. That said I can understand why you feel a bit miffed, especially if he's lied about it but he probably didn't want to upset you.

Hopefully you'll be able to move past this bump in the road.

I think his what to him was probably his little white lie was to spare your feelings knowing how you feel and might react. Having lied he then had to keep it up and was embarrassed at having to come clean on the lie. I'm sure that to him it meant no more than me saying a dress cost ten pound less than it did or no I've had that ages. Tongue in cheek! I'm sure we have all told silly lies we didn't need to. Please don't think it means he doesn't love you, or that he is interested in another woman as I'm sure he's not. I'm also sure that men don't really see these women as real or look for someone else who reminds them of them and that they are gone from their brain a few seconds after tuning out.

i hope you can sort this out and that it's a spur of the minute silly lie over something that doesn't really mean anything to him.

Hope you're feeling better and you managed to get past this.

Hi jaynee we have talked about things and I feel he has a lot of making up to do.....he has been very attentive since so I think he realises how hurt I am x

Hope he keeps up the attentiveness and that everything works out. Glad it's all ok. X

Thanks jaynee, have a great weekend x

I've been in this situation with an ex! He showed no interest in me, but spent his time watching porn and it made me feel horrible. It made me feel unattractive and inadequate. I think it's fine and healthy to watch porn or have a bit of alone time so long as both parties are happy. I was told repeatedly that he wasn't in the mood or not interested then he'd slink off to the bathroom with his phone.

Pas long as he realises how you feel and maybe if he's a bit more open about it then you'll feel better.

I had something similar with OH. I found his phone with a really tacky xxx picture site open in the browser. He told me a really obvious lie about how he'd just clicked on a link his mates sent through WhatsApp. He's an awful liar anyway, so there was no way I believed it. I gave him the silent treatment for a little while and then had it out with him, and it still took the entire day to get him to actually admit that it was an advert he'd clicked on when he was on another site.

I think they just revert to little boy mode when they get caught. They're embarrassed, they know they're going to be in trouble, so they try to lie their way out of it. I also think it's something all men do, regardless of how satisfied they are with their partners.