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Dedicated October 2022 East London

Feeling lost with everything

Ebony, 31 July, 2022 at 14:46 Posted on Planning 0 16
My finance and I got engaged last January and decided to put the weeding in hold whilst we have IVF treatment. Unfortunately this has been unsuccessful and now my mother has stage 4 cancer for which she's having chemo. We're not sure how she's responding to treatment yet as she's just had her second round and we won't know until the third round so we decided to have the wedding in October which will be before her last treatment. I wanted to have a decent sized wedding, about 70 people so my mother can enjoy the day. We discussed having it early October subject to venue etc but we've been told my fiancé's sister and family have planned a trip to India for a month and they don't seem to be entertaining the idea of postponing a few days to accommodate our wedding if the venue we choose isn't available on our chosen date. My issue is all family events seem to be arranged to accommodate them and they don't seem to care about anyone else. This is shocking to me as his mother was recently given the all clear for breast cancer (for a second time) and wanted a family holiday but it didn't happen because if his sister. When I've asked my fiancé about them potentially postponing potentially for a few days his response was people can't stop loving their lives and were asking them to postpone based on theoretical dates and that he really wants them there. I can understand he wants all his family there but to me it feels like I'm potentially working around them when they don't give a flying f**k about us or anyone else and this isn't the first incidence where we've had to arrange things around them, she's never even once talked to me about our repeated failed IVF cycles and I begrudge working around them for my wedding day so that my mother can see her only child getting married and enjoy a day if celebration. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like he's decided they are the most important people on this day whilst forgetting the reasons behind us bringing it forward and recognising that everything else in our lives has fallen apart and that this is the one thing I can control and ultimately make me happy. I don't know anymore, I fell like I'm constantly working again everything.

16 replies

Latest activity by Jimmy, 25 November, 2025 at 09:58
  • C
    Beginner August 2023 Cheshire
    Charlotte ·
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    Just want to offer kind words for you at this time. We are currently having 4th IVF cycle and have the concept of waiting for it to magically one day work before looking at dates. I appreciate the notion of can't put life on hols but others don't always recognise how consuming it is for mind and body. To have that as well as your mum's health must be very tough for you. Thinking for you x
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  • E
    Dedicated October 2022 East London
    Ebony ·
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    Thank you. IVF is a roller coaster and has definitely been consuming for us for te last few years. We have one more embryo to transfer then we're not sure what we'll do after that. Baby dust for your next cycle xx
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    If this were the normal wedding-planning situation, then I'd say just fix a wedding date that suits your OHs family (especially as an expensive trip like a holiday to India might not be transferable, or not without heavy financial penalties)

    But this isn't just about having a date that works for you. This is about your mother having a window where she is physically well enough to cope with attending your wedding, while battling with an extremely serious illness. So you are totally in the right to be concentrating on finding the date that might work best for her.

    Is your fiance usually this inconsiderate? I am seriously concerned that he seems to be viewing his mother's holiday plans as more important than your mother's cancer treatment. It seems to indicate a very narcissistic attitude. To be honest, in your situation, I would have deeper concerns than simply what date to pick for my wedding.

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  • E
    Dedicated October 2022 East London
    Ebony ·
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    No he's not usually inconsiderate, it's actually his sister not his mother who has planned a holiday which is fine, I don't have an issue with it as we've only just decided to do it and he mentioned it to his parents and they told him to keep in mind his sister will be away which I'm not too happy with either as again we need to keep them in mind when they couldn't either be bothered to keep their parents in mind after the second cancer scare. The whole thing is messy and tainted now and I am having second thoughts of this is how everything is received by everyone. I just want to should this isn't about anyone else but my mother, me and my partner and everyone shoild do their upmost to make it to the wedding but that seems like I'm being selfish. Sick of it all to be honest.
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    You're not being selfish - planning a wedding can be stressful enough at the best of times, but you are doing it on top of dealing with the sadness of a failed IVF attempt and the anxiety over your mother's treatment. It's not surprising you are feeling overwhelmed, so be gentle with yourself.

    Your priority obviously needs to be picking a time when your mother is most likely to be able to be well & strong enough to attend. Your future in-laws should understand all about fitting things around chemo treatments and the impact that those treatments have on the energy of the person concerned.

    I would take a couple of days to consider all your options (maybe a smaller wedding now that immediate family could attend? A different venue with availability on a date that would work for your mother's treatment AND SIL's holiday? Sticking with your original date/venue and offering to zoom SIL?) Does your fiance have any suggestions? Spend a bit of time thinking things through and then go with what works best for you. Sadly, weddings are proof that you can't please everyone all of the time, so you just need to decide on what works for you and your OH and stick to it.

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  • Grace_Adams
    Beginner March 2025 Pennsylvania
    Grace_Adams ·
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    It sounds like you're going through an incredibly difficult time, and balancing family expectations with such personal struggles is never easy. Your feelings are completely valid, especially given the significance of your wedding and your mother’s health. While it’s important to consider loved ones, your happiness and well-being should also be a priority. If you're looking for guidance on legal matters related to records, you might find Indiana law arrests useful. Wishing you strength as you navigate this challenging situation.

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  • Scarlett_Mitchell
    Beginner February 2025 Virginia
    Scarlett_Mitchell ·
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    It sounds like you're facing a really tough situation, and your feelings are completely valid. Planning a wedding under these circumstances, especially with your mother's health in mind, should take priority. If certain family members can't be flexible, it might be worth focusing on those who truly support you. You deserve a day that brings happiness and peace. For those dealing with legal concerns in Lynchburg, Lynchburg Arrest Publications provides useful details. Wishing you strength and clarity as you navigate this.

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  • Noah
    Beginner July 2005 New York
    Noah ·
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    You're not alone—feeling lost happens to the best of us, especially when juggling multiple responsibilities. One thing that helps is staying organized with the tools you use daily. If you're trying to manage work-related tasks more efficiently, you might find the Sobeys work login useful for quick and secure access to important resources. Taking small steps like this can really make a difference in regaining control and clarity.

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    Mens ·
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    Mark ·
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    Hima ·
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    Beginner August 2021 East Central London
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    Beginner March 2022 East Central London
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    Beginner July 1964 West Sussex
    Master ·
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