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Lucie
Beginner May 2024 Devon

Fiance's parents separating on bad terms

Lucie, 1 November, 2023 at 19:36 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 3
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Hey everyone. I find myself in a complicated situation and would appreciate your advice!
My wedding is next July. Around a month ago, my fiance's mum decided after a long, painful relationship, it was time to leave his stepdad. My fiance has never got on with his stepdad, who has been in his life since he was 5, as he has never treated my fiance or his mum very well.
Since the incident that caused my fiance's mum to decide that enough was enough, my fiance has also decided he does not want any contact with his stepdad again. I fully support this and want to do the right thing by my fiance and his mum. We already sent out Save the Dates, so the wider family (including stepdad) have details of the wedding date and venue. However we now want to uninvite stepdad. My questions are:
How do we go about uninviting stepdad when my fiance has decided he no longer wants any contact with him?
How do we ensure he does not just show up on the day (as this is the kind of thing he would do)
Do we need to inform other family (who are closely related to stepdad) that he is uninvited before we send out our formal invitations?
How do we manage the top table arrangements?
Thanks so much. As you can see this is quite a tricky one and I appreciate your ideas!! X

3 replies

Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 3 November, 2023 at 13:41
  • S
    Dedicated July 2024 West Midlands
    SL WaltonJones ·
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    Sorry to hear about this. Would the stepdad still expect an invite even though he isn't with your fiancé 's mum anymore? Could you or someone you trust have the conversation with him that he is not invited to the wedding due to the breakup? As far as I'm concerned only once someone has received an invitation then they are officially invited! So there is no need to uninvite someone if you haven't sent out invites. As for the step dad turning up on the day, I'm afraid there is little you can do. With all weddings there is the "does anyone here know if a reason that these two people can't marry" so you can't stop people attending. That's why I recommend a calm conversation with the stepdad so things can be left as clear and friendly as possible. Your top table is up to you both, you could have a sweethearts table (that's what we're doing) or just have chief bridesmaid and best man or whoever you like 😊. All the best
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  • Kate
    Beginner May 2025 Essex
    Kate ·
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    Oh this does not sound like a fun situation, sorry to hear about the extra stress involved in the wedding day!
    I think an allocated person, whoever is most appropriate could maybe have a polite conversation with him and just explain that it would probably no longer be appropriate for him to be present at the wedding.
    I mean... if I was him I would also have zero intention of still turning up so it takes a special kind of person to still do that. Are there a couple of family members that could keep an eye out for him and intercept him to let him know he isn't welcome with minimal fuss?
    I guess if he is the kinda guy to kick off and make a scene you need to decide if you would rather let it slide to keep the peace and let him in, or have to escalate it with the staff to have him removed.
    Depending on which of these options is more desirable for your wedding day Smiley sad
    I mean he could arrive for the ceremony but if there's no seat or food for him at the reception that's gonna get weird very fast for him too
    Hopefully by next July he might have let it go a bit and won't still be intending to show up especially if he doesn't have an invite! I really hope he doesn't and you can resolve amicably.

    Also RE top table - just have the most important people to you Smiley smile

    Good luck!


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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I agree with PPs - it's worth having a conversation with him, but approach it as tactfully as possible. As previously mentioned, you can't prevent him from turning up at the ceremony if he insists, but even if he does this, there is no need at all to provide him with a seat/meal at the reception.

    Regarding the top table, the composition is entirely up to you. You could have a table just for the two of you, or for you and bridesmaids/groomsmen only, or include your parents and fiance's mum (so many bridal couples have parents who are split up/remarried that people will be used to seeing all kinds of parental combinations on the top table!). If fiance's mum feels uncomfortable about being there without a partner, then you could always seat the parents elsewhere - maybe on a table that's near the top table. Having a more informal layout might work best - instead of having one of those long tables for the top table and all the others below it, have all the tables the same size and the 'top table' isn't set apart in any way, it just happens to have you and the groom on it!

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