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Kate
Beginner May 2024 West Yorkshire

Fiancé’s niece as bridesmaid?

Kate, 22 January 2022 at 17:22 Posted on Planning 0 3
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Hi, we are getting married in May 2024 and just looking for thoughts on my bridal party as fiancé wants me to have his niece, who will be 4, but I am not keen.


I am planning to have my best friend as MoH, my sister and two close cousins. My fiancé is having a best man but no ushers/groomsmen.
Fiancé’s niece is the daughter of his sister, and is currently 2. Fiancé and his sister (M) see each other a few times a year at big family birthdays etc and Christmas, but never proactively arrange to meet up and never chat in between. M is nice enough and we get along but we’re not close. She is extremely difficult to contact - never answers the phone and takes several days to read messages - and unorganised. As an example she recently arranged a big surprise birthday party for their father which was cancelled at the last minute due to self isolation (his), but didn’t tell everyone, so many guests still turned up. This party was also arranged only a couple of weeks before the big birthday, so consequently was very far away from where we all live, and clashed with his big work night out.
I have seen the niece maybe 4 times in total, and have never been able to hold her to interact with her as her grandad (my fiancé and M’s dad), literally will not put her down. I therefore wouldn’t say my fiancé is close to her.
He is not bothered about M being a bridesmaid but I think if I had the niece, I would have to have M, as M would need to liaise with me over the dresses etc and would need to be there to look after her child whilst we were all getting ready, so would be odd not to include her. But including them both would put me at 6 bridesmaids, and I am mostly worried that M is so difficult to contact. Also my best friend has a little girl just a bit younger and I am not including her although we are much closer, so if I had niece I would also want to have the other little girl.
My fiancé’s main reasoning for including the niece is that “she will look cute in the dress” but she can still wear a cute dress!

3 replies

Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 22 January 2022 at 19:18
  • Kate
    Beginner May 2024 West Yorkshire
    Kate ·
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    Sorry I mean * I have never held the niece or been able to directly interact with her
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  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    You can have the niece without the mum. I am having my future niece, I do t have a great relationship with her mum and when it came to dress shopping I asked her to come when I went with the other little oness, she was busy so I picked out the one I wanted and I told her the dress name and told her to take her for the fitting and then I paid for it. She will likely be more inclined to be organised as it is for her child and she won't want to let her down.


    In terms of on the day, all my little BMs will be got ready at home and will then meet me at the venue, so you could do the same so you don't have to have her with you gettingready.
    Personally I think a flower girl of that age is cute and if she is the only little one at the wedding it is nice to include her. It is entirely your choice, bit it would be nice for her to be involved and for your future hubby to have her there.
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  • R
    Super July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    4 year olds are tricky - past the toddling stage where it's fairly easy to keep up with them and stop them creating mayhem, but not yet old enough to understand how important a wedding is.

    I wouldn't make her a formal bridesmaid. She can still turn up in a cute dress and if she's in a good mood, it will make for some lovely photos, but it's not fair to her or you to put her into a bridesmaid role. Besides, bridesmaids are supposed to be people who are close to the bride and who will support her on her special day.

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