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Beginner November 2025 North Yorkshire

Finacee's family 'drama'

Toni-Joy, 26 April, 2024 at 23:38 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 1

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Hi my lovely's!
I use the word 'drama' in place of not having a better word.
My Fiancee (31f) wants to invite her brothers, both married and one with 2 kids.
The problem is the middle brother and his wife haven't spoken to her parents in years, there was a massive falling out and they haven't even met their grandkids! The oldest brother is also starting to back away from her mum.
It's gotten to the point where my fiancee and her parent's mental health have suffered. But she loves her brothers and nephews and want them to come, but the fear is they'll say "well if she's going, I'm not!".
The issue seems to be more about mum, as they've both tried to talk to dad and excluded their mum. I know most of the details because it all kicked off years ago. I don't know how to support her through this, it's her biggest stressor about the wedding and she's struggling so much already. There is no way we're not inviting the mum, she was excluded from both the brothers' weddings so it feels even more important to us to have her at ours to bring her some joy.

Has anyone else had a similar issue?

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Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 1 May, 2024 at 21:13

VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 1 May, 2024 at 21:13
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I'm sorry, that is so hard. Sentimental films and novels always have a family wedding healing breaches, but in reality, it seems to extend them!
If your fiancee's mum is the one your fiancee is determined to have at the wedding, then I suggest she ask her mum how she would feel about the other family members attending. There's no point even thinking about inviting them if it will make mum drop out. If mum is willing for them to come as long as they are civil, then try contacting them and asking if they are willing to put their differences aside, even if only for the wedding.
If there is any realistic intention/prospect of restoring the relationships long-term, then it might be worth arranging a brief meetup before the wedding so that everyone can start to accept each other. But if the most you can hope for is a kind of armed neutrality for a few hours at the wedding, then skip that idea and just plan to sit the various people as far apart from each other as possible and hope for the best. If possible, sit them all near people you can trust to help defuse the situation if it starts getting heated!
Don't push it though - if there is any reluctance to meet up or to promise to be civil, then don't invite them. Far too many weddings are ruined by relatives who can't leave their differences at the door.
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