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Beginner November 2013

First Dance, Disability and Dealing With People's Expectations! Walking Down the Aisle Too...

ElizabethEliz, 16 September, 2013 at 01:38 Posted on Planning 0 5
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I got engaged in August this year and my boyfriend and I are getting married on 30 November. One of the things that has come up is the first dance. At first we agreed not to have one as we are going for a small informal wedding (on a shoestring budget too but that's another story!) and decided against it. The more I thought about my reasons for not wanting one brought on the realisation that I don't want to dance in front of lots of people because I have a disability which causes a limp. I realised this when I started to panic about walking down the aisle and having to kneel down during they wedding ceremony itself! Lots of people have said "Oh it doesn't matter" and "No one will notice", but I have been feeling awfully self conscious since my recent spinal surgery which has exacerbated things. I get stared at every morning when I use my stick on the train to work; I was hoping to avoid it for one day a week!! This also shows me that actually people do notice and I don't want the sympathy vote on my wedding day, I would quite like to forget that I am a peg leg! My worst fear is that I am going to be bullied into it on the day by people who expect there to be a first dance as that is what usually happens at a wedding. Has anyone out there managed to successfully get away/avoid having a first dance?

5 replies

Latest activity by ElizabethEliz, 19 September, 2013 at 13:15
  • ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown
    Beginner January 2012
    ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown ·
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    People who stare at you on the way to work are d*cks. People who are coming to your wedding are you closest friends and family - there is no reason to feel self-conscious.

    As for first dances, I've been to weddings where there weren't any, for whatever reason. I don't think it's massively unusual to not have one.

    I hope your surgery turns out well!

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  • Elixia
    Beginner March 2014
    Elixia ·
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    Stick to your guns and don't do the first dance! Also I wouldn't worry too much about walking down the aisle plus if your walking down with your Father (if you choose) he could offer you support?

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  • M
    Beginner August 2014
    MOMB ·
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    It's your wedding and you don't have to dance if you don't want to.

    Plus, speak to the priest/celebrant about having chairs for the service so you don't have to kneel if it is difficult for you.

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  • AuntieBJ
    Beginner September 2014
    AuntieBJ ·
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    You could ask for the dance to be announced as something you'd like everyone to join in with and bring them all to the dance floor with you. But I really don't think you should worry. I'm pretty certain all your guests will be looking at how happy you are and how beautiful5iful you look and not worrying about your limp. I can't dance at all so its worried me too, hence we will be shuffling round the fl8or!

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  • R
    Beginner August 2014
    RLB ·
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    I've been to weddings without a first dance - one for the simple reason that the groom didn't like dance and would have felt uncomfortable having to dance in front of people. It's your day, and if you don't want a first dance then don't. If you do, but are still worried, you could ask your parent and your husbands parents to join in from the start so you feel less self conscious.

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  • E
    Beginner November 2013
    ElizabethEliz ·
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    Thanks for so many replies! It's given me a lot of things to think about. I am hopefully having a wedding 'meeting' with the other half tonight so it will given us a lot to think about. It's funny because after I wrote this post I ran into trouble with the marriage prep course we are attending this Saturday and had real problems trying to get suitable seating arranged. If only people were as enlightened in life as they are here on Hitched!!

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