First dance woes

We had lessons, four in total. The instructor coreographed a very basis routine to our chosen song that was of a level that we felt comfortable with. OH was soooo nervous about the dance so this really helped to put his mind at rest and we both really enjoyed it in the end. And yes it was clear that we'd had lessons and had learnt a specific dance but we didn't care and so many people said how great it looked.

I feel EXACTLY the same. haven't slow danced since I was a teenager, I'm 38 now and OH is 49. I feel ridiculous just thinking about it, I'm very self-conscious anyway, and quite frankly I'm worried we will look like a pair of twats! It's so school disco! However, we will be doing it, I've said we'll have one arm round each other and hold the other ones hand, like waltzing instead of a proper both arms grasped round each other slowy. Also, I just know that my OH would grab my butt if we did it like that. Bum. I'm even more worried about it the more I think of it! (we're having Al Green Let's Stay Together by that way)

Well firstly don't panic because pretty much everyone feels like this about their first dance. As you can see, I have a vested interest in this question and there will be plenty of people who will tell you that you don't have to have a first dance, in the same way that you don't HAVE to have any aspect of the day if you don't want it, so don't do anything you're uncomfortable with.

I would obviously advocate lessons because the right teacher will relax you and show you how to hold each other and move together comfortably. It doesn't have to be a full choreographed routine, it can just be tips on feeling the beat and looking comfortable. Most good teachers will allow you to book just one lesson to see if you find it useful - beware of 'packages' that sign you up to six lessons or something, in case you find that it's not for you after all.

If you really don't want lessons then try to dance together as at home as often as you can so you get used to it. Holding in a ballroom hold (rather than arms wrapped around each other) is a good idea as the previous poster said because this looks more elegant, even if you relax it a bit - after all it's your romantic moment, you are not on Strictly! Listen to your song and feel the beat. Get used to moving off on opposite feet (i.e. him left, you right) when you're facing each other so you naturally move the same side of the body rather than pulling away from each other. Try just having a laugh with it. Remember most people still do the school disco shuffle so no one is going to criticise your lack of routine - just get comfortable and enjoy it!

We shuffled and grinned happily. Everyone loved it.

Honestly, no-one expects a choreographed Strictly special (Which can be rather cheesy anyway). If you can't dance just hold one another and sway and then invite everyone else onto the dance floor nice and quickly.

Just enjoy it and let yourself go. I didn't know what our first dance song was until is was played. Me and OH can't dance for toffee, we are pretty uncoordinated excepted when doing the shoulder shuffle. I only usually dance when I'm drunk in public. I know I cannot move. But alas, the day came, it was beautifully sunny, we didn't want to go inside so 30mins before dance time, sod it, let's dance outside! Sans shoes, everyone gathered around and we twirled each other around, sing along as we went, which we also cannot do, and it was prefect and completely us.

Do not fear my lovely, it'll all be fine! I felt the same as you & almost scrapped the first dance because every time I thought about it, I just cringed & filled with dread!

As I said in my wedding report, I'm so glad we had one now as it turned out to be a really lovely moment. We did the 'Walk around slowly holding onto each other til the music stops' dance & we were fine. We chatted & laughed & kissed & even had a quick grope & it was like no-one else was there.

Don't let this hang over you. Choose a song, forget about it until the time comes then enjoy x

Do you have to slow dance? Can you just choose a song you love (whether wedding-y or not) and just dance to that? We are having an Oasis song and will just sing to each other and awkwardly shuffle in each other's arms and probably do a little drunken dancing and spinning. It doesn't matter. Just choose a song that you both love and just enjoy the moment. You'll only feel awkward if you try too hard to make it "first-dancey"...if that makes sense...

Thank you SO much everyone, you have honestly made me feel so much better. I think we'll do a bit of practicing at home and find what feels right for us.

I feel more positive about it all now ?

I'm really dreading this part too. Both of us haven't slow danced before and I'm dreading the fact that everyone will be staring at us.

It doesn't help that my partner doesn't dance at all. NEVER ?

We really can't dance and our first dance song is very upbeat so we're just going to jump around and grin like crazy loons - probably with a bit of barn-dance style linking arms and twirling around for good measure. I'm planning on having had a few drinks by then!

We shuffled and hugged lol

Oh and our kids joined us half way through so everyone was just cooing at them rather then noticing our shuffles haha!

Forever Wedding Dance-- I have a music/dance related question, any chance you could email me? ?

My brother did an MA in musical theatre and is helping us out with our dance; I dance, but OH doesn't and whilst I don't really want something choreographed, I figured a couple of lessons will help him feel less self conscious. He does want to do a first dance - we both do - I would just like him to feel a bit more confident about it; as a belly dancer I've got no probs dancing around in front of people, but he's much more reserved.

Plus, it always helps having a dancer in the family!

We shuffled and kissed for a while and had pre prepped some guests to join us on the dancefloor after a minute. Mrmini hates dancing in all forms but it was nice on the day. I really dislike those choreographed routines, looks a bit tacky in my cabbage.

Ha! I have a ba in performing arts. Nothing but nothing was going to get me choreographing anything on my big day!

Haha! Yeah, I toyed with the idea of choreographing a belly dance (have a few dancers coming) for like a nanosecond and realised it was madness! I just think giving OH a few moves to add to his arsenal will help him loosen up a bit; he's alright dancing around the kitchen with me or our daughter - just freezes out in public.

Who knows, maybe he'll still freeze up - we shall see next May!