First look or wait until the alter?

Alter! But we’re pretty traditional people, it seems!

Definitely the altar! As much as I would love for us to get ready together and spend the morning with each other, I cant wait for the moment he sees me walking down the aisle.

I really wanted a first look from a time saving/more time with guests after the ceremony perspective but the other half put his foot down so we're doing traditional alter

Defo alter, we are doing nothing much else traditional but this is one thing we will stick to!

We’re doing our photos before the ceremony, so a first look, but that’s as much of need as preference. I would choose a private first look anyway cause I feel it takes the pressure to have the “right” reaction and a lovely private moment

I’ve seen this idea on social media, I bet it comes from the States! Not for us, my fiancé wouldn’t even know this was a thing anyway. We are not marrying in church so there will be no traditional altar but I definitely think I will just arrive and he can turn round and see me. And hopefully be amazed by my beauty 🤣🤣

I think what you are seeing is just blog sites - wedding directory's, never ending need for ever more content and due to lazy journalist or site editors they tend to go down the same direction as each other for their lead stories.

I have seen it for years - it used to be done in magazines they have got to try and constantly look fresh and different but in that quest they end up all looking the same.

One that has been doing the rounds lately would have you forgiven for thinking that for you to get married you have to have red hair and tatoos (present company excepted Kayleigh ) and how many times have you seen smoke grenades in editorials.

It creates a false impression of what is actually happening. In my experience hardly anyone has a "first look" and when they do its more to to with practicalities like if its a late wedding and will be dark so the photos are actually taken before the ceremony.

The only people I know who have had a first look IRL are my American friends. It's a big thing over there, so I guess it will eventually come over here. They did say they appreciated the opportunity to see each other before meeting in front of everyone else.

We kind-of had a first look ourselves, but only because Covid regs meant I either had to travel to the church with my husband-to-be or drive myself. Which would have meant us both driving back from the church on our own in separate cars - we worried that might make us look as if we'd had a major row and weren't speaking

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Oh yes Bill- I've seen so many smoke grenades!

We won't be going down that route personally!

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This is a really interesting perspective! I did wonder if it could be something like that, but I haven't known anyone get married since I was a kid so wasn't sure if it was legitimately happening with a great benefit...

My ceremony's at 1pm and we've given ourselves quite a big chunk of time for drinks and canapes so hopefully won't be a problem to have the photos after the ceremony

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Ooh I had wondered if it was American! Like the way groomsmen have filtered in to be more commonplace here rather than or in addition to ushers... we're sticking with the UK tradition of ushers as being equally sided and just the best man on the grooms side, but are erring towards the American bridesmaids walking down the aisle ahead of the bride... it's all got a bit pick 'n mix hasn't it!!

Haha that's so funny not wanting to look like you'd had a row!

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Groomsmen have been around for quite a few years but not used so much in a Church wedding. The same the other way around as groomsmen seems to fit better in a "venue" environment rather than the more formal title of ushers.

The reality is that they all do the same tasks - which is usually F - all once they find the bar

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That's interesting, I'd thought they were fairly different! My understanding was that groomsmen were the grooms version of bridesmaids - they helped organise the stag, got ready with the groom, then walked arm in arm with bridesmaids down the aisle and stood on the grooms side. Ushers, on the other hand, could be important to either the bride or the groom, and weren't involved in groom prep but in 'event prep' (for want of a better phrase!) i.e. greeting and seating guests, making sure everyone was where they needed to be for crucial moments like the first dance or photos, and generally starting the party by being good examples of the vibe!

Haha I feel like everyone's role goes out the window once the bar opens!!

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Yes they all do all of what you say whether you call them groomsmen or ushers. Sometimes at a Church there will be ushers AND groomsmen

"making sure everyone was where they needed to be for crucial moments like the first dance or photos, and generally starting the party by being good examples of the vibe!"

I think you might need to re-evaluate your hopes there.

The lads are fine until after the ceremony. If I need any assistance - like moving a bench then my go to person is the best man and he can round up the ushers/ groomsmen to help him.

They do have there moments

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Maybe I’m lucky in who I’ve got but I have a lot of faith in my ushers - they’re really keen to basically emcee the day and do all these things ☺️

We’re doing a first look before the ceremony - not out of necessity, but choice. We both aren’t massive ‘centre of attention’ or PDA people and would prefer a moment just the two of us to see each other for the first time that day, without the pressure of all our guests looking at us during that moment as well ☺️

View quoted message That’s really interesting to hear - thank you for sharing! I guess there is a lot of pressure on the groom to have the “perfect” reaction isn’t there 🤔

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I must admit, although we hadn't planned a 'first look', it was special to have that first moment of seeing each other on our own without everyone craning to see our reactions - we also walked down the aisle together since I would have had to walk on my own otherwise. With hindsight, it was nice to avoid the pressure of the 'big entrance'.

I want to do the traditional alter but as we are travelling for our wedding and staying in a B&B pre- wedding and wedding night, it’s most likely we’ll get ready together.

We’re getting married just the 2 of us so I think we probably will travel together, still unsure whether we’ll walk down the aisle together or whether he will go ahead and be waiting there for me xx

We’re definitely waiting for the altar moment! Selfishly, I can’t wait to see his reaction 🙈 however it’s interesting to hear my other half’s perspective - he is very keen not to have a first look however does think there is far too much pressure on the grooms reaction. It’s a difficult one that I could argue either way but we’re going to stick with tradition 🤍

I'm doing a first look so we can do photos early and spend more time with guests later on x

Forgot I'd started this thread what feels like an age ago now! We've decided to go for the alter, partly for the tradition of it and partly so I don't have to get up even earlier to be ready early for a first look haha!