flirting/friendly/banter - the difference?

To me it's the intent behind the actions, and possibly how well you know the person you're flirting/being friendly with.

In my late teens was one girl in a group of male friends. In our group it was always verbal stuff, sometimes quite suggestive language and chat, but never anything more physical than a matey hug. Everyone in the group knew where the line was and nobody ever crossed it. It probably helped that my boyfriend at the time was one of the group and was never concerned by any of it. I would have changed my behaviour had it made anyone feel insecure. I also never would have acted that way around anyone I knew less well. Looking back now I can see why there was the odd raised eyebrow and comments from people outside the group, but I never ever considered myself a flirt either at the time, or now.

Yeah i agree it depends on the situation... i can be quite flirty and have some cheeky banter with some of my work colleagues, i work with OH, and i was the same with these work colleagues long before me and OH got together so it's not a new thing to him and really doesn't phase him at all... he, at the same time, is huggy with certain female colleagues... however... work people come and go.. i wouldn't dream of being like this with anyone new... and nor would he .. (although one girl has tried blatantly and persistently for the last 6 months or so!) ..

I think both would have something to say if we had flirty banter with someone new, or with someone who this wasn't a thing with previously ..

I just realised i didn't actually answer the question lol .. i think the difference is WHO and WHY you are being like this with...

I think it's a difficult one to quantify. The best I can describe it is that it's in the intent. I had a male friend who I used to banter with (going back a few years now btw). He had a long term girlfriend, I was married. He and I used to joke about stuff that was full of innuendo. But it included our respective partners, and as we were both in settled relationships I certainly thought nothing of it other than we were mates that had a laugh. Obviously I can't vouch for what was inside his head - but neither of us ever did anything other than banter so I have to assume it was the same for him.

That changed when my marriage fell apart. Don't get me wrong - nothing happened. But it could have done easily. We hadn't see each other for a while - Me & the husband had moved away and were back for a friend's wedding. Full day thing, lots of free booze, too much champagne, me & the now ex not really talking to each other and just socialising in different groups the whole day (we knew it was over but hadn't formalised it at that point). Me & this mate kind of latched onto each other - he was my shoulder to cry on. Literally. We had a laugh, and I realised that the banter had an edge that wasn't just banter any more. If I'd been that kind of person I could have taken it further quite easily. I didn't - but it put a different slant on our friendship. I'm sad to say that we both realised it and the friendship never actually came back.

So like I said - difficult to describe. It's in the intention behind it I think.

Agree with the others, it's very difficult to tell sometimes, and does very much depend on the intent. I would definitely say I was a flirt before I met H, even when I was with my then fiance. I also happen to be very friendly, which can be misconstrued. One guy ended up declaring his love for me, that was awkward! I think a lot of it is in the body language too, you know, the big eyes and the come on smile, that definitely makes a difference!

Definitely the intent. I'm a flirt and always will be but it stops right there. I flirt with men and women but really what it means is that I'm interested in who you are, what you have to tell me and I like listening to you. I'm always being told I'm a great person to talk to because I pay attention! Sometimes a bit of flirty banter is just to show that you are an interesting and fun person.

flirting is a normal response between two people and it only becomes more when one or both of you are looking for more.

Agree with the others, it's more about the intention. I can be a massive flirt, but it's only ever innocent. If I get the vibe that the other person thinks it's more than it is then I immediately back off.

I think you have hit the nail on the head. Where l work then 2 of my co-workers are full of banter and people who don't know them well often think they are flirting and it is serious. It isn't!