Flower girl drama!

Aren't weddings a nightmare? I don't have a suggestion but my two kids have different father's. However they consider themselves brother and sister and done wth. I agree both have to be involved or neither or its really hurtful to them. Sorry.

Hmm... I think both need to be included or neither, sorry hun

The older girl could be ring bearer perhaps? Or maybe she could hand out the ceremony programs?

You could go shopping to get her a nice dress, but just to somewhere like Next or Monsoon to keep costs down?

OR

(sorry this dawned on me as I was about to press post!)

She could walk behind you carrying your train/veil? That'd be pretty cute

Could she not be a bridesmaid? Maybe a junior bridesmaid? My little one is 9 - she is too grown up to be a flower girl (according to her) so she's just a normal bridesmaid in a different dress from my three adults!

I agree that sisters need to be either both included, or neither. Little girls will be particularly upset if they are left out of everything x

I'm normally a 'your wedding' person (within reason) but this a child. At 9 she doesn't understand budget. She doesn't understand that you want a small bridal party. She sees that you've picked her sister over her and assumes you love the sister more, and they she isn't as important. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it's how children work. I've worked with enough to know. I had a little girl of 10 in a class who cried every day for 3 weeks because her cousin was a bridesmaid and she wasn't at her Aunt's wedding. She got very little school work done those weeks! *sigh* I'd discuss it with your brother and point out the cost problem and ask if he is possibly able to help. If he isn't, my personal line of thought would be to have neither........ Sorry, not helpful I know. I just feel for the wee one

Thanks everyone! Im definitely going to involve her some way I'm just struggling to figure out how! The one thought I had was for her to be a 'confetti girl' as we are having natural petals in a basket for confetti, I thought she might like to give the confetti out to people outside the church.. It's obviously not a traditional role, do you think she would feel involved enough?

I think if one gets a dress and flowers and walk down the aisle there is a good chance her sister will want that too.

If you havent officially even asked the 3yr old, I'd leave it as your 2 BM's and not have a flower girl at all. I'd say to your brother that you were 'thinking' of having children, but with the cost/small wedding etc etc, you have decided against it. It was your mum that mentioned is anyway, not you!

You wont be tied in the extra costs for the 2 girls and are you really expecting a 3yr old to keep the dress on/walk up the aisle/not get distracted/sceam/cry???

I dont think the 9yr old should sing, do a speech, poem! Different if it was you own daughter, but odd to ask a 9yr old to do this at her aunts wedding IMO when it doesnt seem you are that close to her anyway.

I was in a similar situation. When I announced the wedding, my cousin & mother of my god children assumed I'd ask her daughters to be flowergirls. The girls even showed my how they'd walk up the aisle with their flowers!!! I felt awful but had NEVER mentioned flower girls to anyone & was also only having a small wedding with 1 BM.

Dont feel pressured into anything, but I too think you have both or none. look at the costs, weigh up the pros/cons with you partner before deciding.