Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Beginner December 2013

Food priorities- canapes or buffet?

wintersunday, 6 of September of 2013 at 05:57 Posted on Planning 0 7

Saved

Report
Hide content

We're having a winter wedding in an historic house in Cheshire, ceremony 12pm (around 80 day guests, around 110 evening). Trying to decide what to upgrade with our food. I'm a foreign bride, so I don't know what's expected/ will look good, etc, and would appreciate some input. (My fiance is British but he says I can "have whatever you like, dear", his family want me to have the wedding I want and are backing off, and my also foreign family have no clue)

My parents (who are providing the lion's share of the money for the wedding) have said that we should have fancy food and a nice venue, and the rest of it is up to us. They insisted we have the fanciest menu for the wedding breakfast, and I agree (where I'm from, there is only one serving of food, like the wedding breakfast, so this has cultural significance to me/ my family and is where I want to put my money. We don't have buffets unless it's in lieu of a sit down meal). They would prefer we upgrade everything else too- canapes, drinks, and buffet. We're upgrading the drinks.

I'm stuck on the canapes and buffet. I know canapes are done at fancier weddings, but given it's only going to be (I think?) two hours max between the ceremony and the beginning of the wedding breakfast (same venue), is this a waste of money? (We will be doing the welcome drink- drinks package as offered by the venue). The canape options seem like a minefield for food intolerances, as well (most of the vegetarian options are laden with cheese, and I know we have at least one vegetarian who has a cheese intolerance, for example).

Also, the buffet. My parents and I think the cheaper buffet option looks, well, cheap. My fiance's comment to the cheaper buffet was "oooh, proper Northern buffet food". I don't much care about the evening buffet, it's not on my radar as an important thing culturally, but I don't want to appear to be stingy, particularly to my evening guests (which is a thing which is emphatically not done where I'm from- my father nearly had a fit when I explained to him what "evening guest" is on the package we ended up taking- and although I recognise it's not rude in the UK, I'm not sure excluding them for the important part of the day and also cheaping out isn't hideously rude!)

The canapes and the buffet upgrade cost about the same per guest. We can probably afford both, but I wonder whether it's just a plain waste of money. If you were a guest at this wedding, would you think it odd if we didn't have canapes, particularly for a 12pm ceremony? Would it be rude if we went with the cheaper buffet (particularly for our evening guests)?

Report
Hide content

7 replies

Latest activity by clarehj, 6 of September of 2013 at 19:45

Beginner January 2012
ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown · 6 of September of 2013 at 06:26
Report

Hide content
You're getting married at 12, and eating at 2.

You need to provide evening food.

However 'cheap', 'Northern' or 'not fancy'.

*tries not to be annoyed at the stereotypes*

If both you and your parents (who are paying) think the evening buffet looks sooooo rubbish, pay for a better one?
- Reply
Beginner December 2013
wintersunday · 6 of September of 2013 at 06:37
Report

Hide content
Sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I probably worded things poorly. It's just certain elements of British wedding traditions are a culture shock to someone from overseas.

My fiance is northern- he says "proper Northern food" as a compliment. If he hadn't said that I would have just upgraded, because the expensive option looks a lot nicer to me (from, again, foreign eyes).

We will be providing evening food, we're trying to do "When in Rome"- I'm just trying to explain where I'm coming from (and where I see it differently). Just trying to work out whether we should upgrade the buffet (I genuinely don't care about it, I want to know what the perception might be) and/ or whether we should bother with canapes.
- Reply
Beginner January 2012
ForTheLoveOfMrsBrown · 6 of September of 2013 at 06:48
Report

Hide content
Provide the best and most delicious food your budget can stretch to. That's the only rule. Don't worry about what it looks like, who it appeals to, whether you'll get 'good girl' compliments.

Also, bear in mind that a fairly current fashion in the UK is to have deliberately 'rustic' evening food. We had fish'n'chip cones, mini burgers, pork pie etc. But not in a Tesco buffet styleeee, oh no. On a menu, it might have looked cheap and tacky - in reality, it was beautiful, perfectly presented, little blobs of mushy peas and all.
- Reply
Beginner June 2016
snow bride · 6 of September of 2013 at 09:33
Report

Hide content
The evening buffet is a big issue with me too. Ill be honest I wish we could invite everyone to everything, but due to my huge family we can't afford it.

Those who are coming to the evening only are people we tend to go drinking with and I know they'd be ok with turning up after eating and joining us for a drink. I'd much rather use the money to buy all our friends a drink or two than food they'll pick at because its there.

But ettiquette does say to provide food for the evening guest which I get, but AGRHHH!!!!

I'd love some sort of drinks reception in the evening but is this do able?
- Reply
Beginner August 2014
~Curley~ · 6 of September of 2013 at 09:47
Report

Hide content
Canapés would be a waste I think with such a short time to go before the meal. The buffet is essential if your meals at 2pm. I would upgrade that if your worried but tbh most guest won't do an inventory of the buffet, they will just be happy with something to soak up the alcohol. And the best thing to soak up the alcohol is " proper northern food" lol. Think of it this way, your culture focuses on a nice fancy sit down meal, the buffet of "proper northern food" brings your OH culture In to the wedding as well.
- Reply
Beginner August 2014
~Curley~ · 6 of September of 2013 at 09:52
Report

Hide content
And like FTLOMB said, if the venue is good, it may not sound fancy but is usually beautifully presented
- Reply
Beginner August 2014
MOMB · 6 of September of 2013 at 11:41
Report

Hide content
Firstly I'd speak to your venue and photographer about the timings. If your ceremony takes 45 minutes, by the time you all have a drink and a brief mingle you won't have time for photographs if you are eating so soon...this is presuming that you follow the 'usual' wedding pattern. If you are doing something more creative then ignore the comment!

If you are eating at 2 then canapes won't be necessary, however going from breakfast to 3pm (or even later) is a long time and a few canapes can fill a gap in the meanwhile. (plus they are yummy might add the apgraded quality your parents seem to be after.

Then what everyone else said about the evening food.
- Reply

Beginner April 2012
clarehj · 6 of September of 2013 at 19:45
Report

Hide content
Hi Wintersunday

I'm with the others and say if it's a choice between 1 or the other, evening buffet every time.

Also, I assumed your husband to be was Northern so perfectly acceptable thing to say ;o)

My Husband and his family were foreign, and sometimes dealing with the cultural differences with the wedding can be a bit of a minefield, so please feel free to ask anything.

What I would say is that evening guests in the UK do expect a bit of food, and I think day guests get peckish as well.

I'm one that wasn't really comfortable with evening guests either, and was kind of an all or nothing girl, but were lucky that I wasn't restricted in terms of numbers or budget.

If you can afford both without it impacting upon you and your H2b, I would go for both. For me, it was all about spoiling our guests so had as much as we could in terms of canapes and buffet. Although we didn't need a lot of buffet food as we had no evening guests, and had lots of food during the day...

Where are you/your family from?
- Reply